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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else's family like this?

36 replies

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 20:05

On Xmas day my DP asked my mum, her partner and my brother if they wanted to come to ours for New Year's Day dinner.
My mum said yes they will.

Next day, mum messages saying her partner won't be coming but she and my brother will.
1 hour later she messages to say her partner will be coming now, apologises for messing us about and all 3 of them will be here.

Then today, she messages to say they are all going out for NYE as they have tickets to separate parties so they're worried they'll potentially be around people with Covid and she'll 'never forgive herself' if she brings it here on New Year's Day so they won't be coming.

She apologies and says she doesn't want to let us down but feels it's for the best.

Then an hour later she messages to say if we want they'll still come and they'll do a LFT before they come.

Then about 20 mins later, she messages to say 'under the circumstances it's probably best' they don't come as she's been around someone with Covid this week and so has my brother and she's worried they could pass something to us.

I just let this stuff go over my head usually as it doesn't really surprise me. My DP is really annoyed saying families don't do things like this and they're always letting me down.
I don't feel totally let down to be honest. I just think DP and I will just relax at home and have dinner ourselves. DP gets annoyed that I don't react more to this behaviour.

I don't even know what to make of it all to be honest. Anyone else's family so this?

OP posts:

Mrstamborineman · 29/12/2021 20:08

Not really. It seems like they accepted half heartedly then got a better opportunity else.

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 20:34

I didn't really think that they might have had another offer. I wasn't really sure what was going on with it all.

OP posts:

MoreHairyThanScary · 29/12/2021 20:40

No my family is nothing like that your mum seems really flaky and from what your DP is saying she never gets pulled up on it.

She would drive me mad!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/12/2021 20:42

That would do my head in.

friedeggandsauce · 29/12/2021 20:42

That's just rude!

vodkaginwine · 29/12/2021 20:47

It’s very rude and I would tell them so. I would say you have been messed around repeatedly and so they are welcome to go an enjoy their NYE but that they should have just said at the start they had plans. Did they come to you or you to them for Christmas? Tbf, I wouldn’t think anything of not seeing my family NYD but it’s more the changing their minds to suit their other plans that’s rude.

bananaboats · 29/12/2021 20:52

Very rude, I wouldn't be inviting them again in a hurry!

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 29/12/2021 20:57

Yeah. DH's parents turned down our offer of Christmas dinner with us and their grandchildren because Covid, having seemingly forgotten it hasn't stopped them going on holiday recently (trains, shops, bars, restaurants and hotels) so they could spend a week with their other more important best grandchild.

It's like they think we haven't noticed.

Daisy4569 · 29/12/2021 20:57

Yes my family is like this, not out of rudeness but just because they overthink! I try to not plan too far in advance so it doesn’t have the opportunity to change so often.

OddBoots · 29/12/2021 20:58

Those messages sound exactly like the kind of thing that happens in my head sometimes (is that odd?) but I wouldn't dream of involving anyone else until my thoughts had settled.

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 21:00

No my family is not like that. I think it's quite disrespectful really.

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 21:01

Usually DP and I make Christmas dinner for them every year and have done for quite a few years.
This time we didn't and DP and I went out for Xmas day dinner instead then went to visit them afterwards which is when we asked if they wanted to come for NYD.

We always do a New Year's Day dinner for us all either at our house, or we take all the ingredients to my mums house and DP & I cook it there. Basically we will always do the lot.
We will do all the cooking and will pick them up from their house and drop them off etc so there's nothing they need to do.
However this time we didn't say we would pick them up. They only live 10 mins drive away. So my mum said they'll have to get a taxi then. Normally I'd jump in and say I'd pick them up but I didn't this time.

All the back and forth about whether or not they're coming was just odd.

OP posts:

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/12/2021 21:01

This is like my family, but it reminds me of for ends who are like this. Did yourmum have a traumatic childhood?

HikingforScenery · 29/12/2021 21:06

@Daisy4569

Yes my family is like this, not out of rudeness but just because they overthink! I try to not plan too far in advance so it doesn’t have the opportunity to change so often.

This is my feeling. Your mum seems to be overthinking it.

I’d be similar in her position. I’d feel awful if I passed something on to my family after going out

PizzasPlease · 29/12/2021 21:06

They feel a bit put out that they're not getting a lift.
They'd be there if u were picking them up but otherwise they can't be arsed and one of them ( my money's on stepfather who was the first to say he wasn't coming) has been moaning about the taxi fare. Your mother likely feels stuck in the middle hence the dithering texts.

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 21:06

@Strugglingtodomybest

This is like my family, but it reminds me of for ends who are like this. Did yourmum have a traumatic childhood?

Yes I think she did, and she's had a really awful time in an incredibly abusive marriage for many years from when she was a teen until early 20's which was just horrific.

I think this is why I am just used to how she is so I don't let it bother me as much. But DP gets really annoyed about it saying she puts everything and everyone else first and before us etc.

OP posts:

HikingforScenery · 29/12/2021 21:07

Did you reply any of her texts?

PizzasPlease · 29/12/2021 21:08

I think Covid is a convenient excuse.

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 21:10

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar
Same here. She's been going out all the time to social clubs and seeing her friends.
She's saying now that because I'm pregnant she's worried she'll pass something on to me.
Which I'm not sure if it rings true as throughout the last 2 years of the pandemic she's been going out all the time. Seeing friends, in busy places, doing all her usual stuff, but whenever I tried to arrange seeing her, she would say she was worried of Covid etc but then she'd be at a party that same evening.

OP posts:

stripetop · 29/12/2021 21:10

Alcohol addiction? Issue re money and taxis? Yes very unfair op.

TheCreamCaker · 29/12/2021 21:10

Bloody hell. Thankfully, my family isn't like that. I'm afraid I would have withdrawn all invitations.

gulliblestravels · 29/12/2021 21:11

But she’s not putting everyone in front of you? It sounds like she’d like to come but is concerned about you guys wellbeing....have you been specially cautious and she might have picked up on your anxiety?

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 21:13

@HikingforScenery
Yes I did. When she said at first she wasn't coming I said 'I understand, we can sort something another time'.
Then when she said they could come I said 'ok great. Looking forward to seeing you then'.
Then she said they weren't coming so I said 'ok, don't worry. I understand'.
Then she said she would come so I replied again saying 'what's changed?'
And then she said she will leave it and not come and she'll see us in January.

OP posts:

Thatsplentyjack · 29/12/2021 21:16

No, my family aren't really like this. Well my dad is a bit but it doesn't really bother me. I just don't get worked up about things like this. Just sounds like your mum is overthinking it because she's worried but doesn't want to let you down. To be honest it would annoy me more that my partner kept getting so angry about it.

Original poster

LetsStartAgain111 · 29/12/2021 21:17

@gulliblestravels
I've said we're being cautious but that's always been the case as we've been having fertility treatment for years and didn't want to catch Covid that could impact our treatment appointments etc.
However, she's been going out and about everywhere during the last couple of years and it's happened a few times where I've arranged to see her, and she's messaged last minute to cancel because she's been worried about Covid but then she's gone to a party the same night or out with friends.

Once she cancelled last minute so I face timed her and she answered and she was out with people.
So that's why it doesn't ring quite true that she's doing this to protect us.

OP posts:

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