What is the etiquette in this situation?

[harrypotterslefttesticle]

Before Christmas couple A had suggested going out for dinner in a local restaurant with couples B and C. A time and date was agreed. As we are in Ireland, when the new restrictions were introduced we lost our evening booking and couldn't get one for the afternoon locally.

Couple B suggested that since we had lost our reservation that we all gather at couple B's house for a takeaway. Couple C also suggested their house and offered to cook. Because of the offer to cook, and couple C having a bigger house and more space, we have all decided to go there.

Couples A and B both drink alcohol but couple C does not. If we had met in a restaurant or at couple B's house there would have been alcohol present. Would it be unreasonable for couples A and B to take alcohol for themselves/the group to couple C's house or would that be frowned upon?

DH doesn’t drink because he hates the taste and doesn’t like feeling even moderately tipsy. I can’t see him ever caring if other people brought alcohol. Likewise we have a good friend who doesn’t drink at all (only drinks water!) and we (snd others) always bring drinks. Outside of addiction, religious reasons or legal reasons, I don’t think most people who care unless they are up on a real big high horse.

I’m an internet randomer. DH and I don’t drink, mainly because we just aren’t that bothered. When we have people over, we will buy some alcohol in and don’t mind if people drink it or want to bring their own.
I wouldn’t want people getting steaming drunk either with us in our home, or on a night out, but that is my preference.

@KloppsTeeth

I’m an internet randomer. DH and I don’t drink, mainly because we just aren’t that bothered. When we have people over, we will buy some alcohol in and don’t mind if people drink it or want to bring their own. I wouldn’t want people getting steaming drunk either with us in our home, or on a night out, but that is my preference.

This is exactly us. We would supply wine/ beer and be happy to have folk bring their own or not but would not want anyone getting drunk. We did go to other friends houses precovid...who do drink and most people get quite drunk but l would be uncomfortable with that in our home.

I never understand the sound of some friendships on here😂 can't you just ask and say 'hey X, hope all is well. Just wanted to ask if it's okay to bring a bottle or two with us when we come round? We know you don't drink so absolutely no problem if not!'
Isn't that something you'd feel comfortable sending to a friend if you're close enough to go round to their house to eat...?

@WorraLiberty

This is so so weird.

These people are your actual friends and yet you're asking Mumsnet instead of sending a quick text?

"Hey Bob and Barbara, really looking forward to coming to yours. Ok if we bring our own booze? Any particular soft drinks you'd like us to bring for you?"

Literally!! Why ask random people on the internet instead of asking your actual friends?! I really don't understand things like this

Can't you just use the free Adblock?

I keep forgetting MN even has adverts.

Do you not see the mumsnet ones? As in their own ads.

Send a txt saying "just picking up some wine for the dinner, are there any particular non-alcoholic drinks you'd like me to pick up for you as you're hosting?"

No it isn’t without asking first. What if they live with someone who is an alcoholic, or live with someone who by law can’t be in a house with alcohol?

What law states certain people can’t be in a house with alcohol, to whom is it applied and in what circumstances?

@harrypotterslefttesticle

It's not that they don't drink much, they have both made a conscious decision not to drink at all. I don't want them to feel like they have to pretend to be alright with it if they're not. If you didn't drink would you be happy with friends drinking at your house?

I don’t drink and no it wouldn’t bother me if other people drunk in my house. If I were hosting a dinner party and knew the others drank, I would get something suitable in.

I am puzzled by the thread though, if I knew two other couples well enough to have over for dinner, I would know what is acceptable or not.

Take your own drinks and something for the hosts

Just. Ask. Them.

@WorraLiberty

This is so so weird.

These people are your actual friends and yet you're asking Mumsnet instead of sending a quick text?

"Hey Bob and Barbara, really looking forward to coming to yours. Ok if we bring our own booze? Any particular soft drinks you'd like us to bring for you?"

Agreed, I never understand the angst of threads like this when it could be solved in 20 seconds with a text to the actual friend

*drink not drunk 🙄

All my friends drink so would definitely take own alcohol! But in this case would depend on the situation, have you drank at their house before? Do you drink normally when out with them? Probably easiest just to say "shall I bring some wine?"

Don’t tell Tony 3 households are mixing he’ll have a meltdown.

@harrypotterslefttesticle

I get that none of you can tell me specifically if this particular couple will give a shit if we drink or not. Chances are I will just drop them a text before we go, I'm not worried about causing offence. I just wanted to gather some opinions as maybe the best thing would be to just not ask and not bring any drink. If that's what most people thought I'd have done that just to play it safe. Thanks for the opinions, I appreciate it.

So rather than find out what your friends prefer you'd go with what a few posters who happen to see and then reply to this thread would do?

That is indeed a weird approach to everyday non issues.

@sammylady37

No it isn’t without asking first. What if they live with someone who is an alcoholic, or live with someone who by law can’t be in a house with alcohol?

What law states certain people can’t be in a house with alcohol, to whom is it applied and in what circumstances?

This law outlines the requirements sober living homes must maintain in order to remain available to the public. Sober homes in TX must:

Be in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Be safe, clean, well-lit, and well-maintained.
Have adequate supplies, such as furniture, and space for appliances.
Issue documentation as required by the city and county government.
Not permit smoking, drinking, or drug use.
Not permit firearms or any kind of illegal activity on the premises.
Vaccinate pets and services animals.

Granted, it’s an American law, and it was on an American documentary series where I heard of it, but it’s still a law somewhere in the world.

It doesn’t sound problematic to me. If couple C are disapproving of alcohol you could always ask them first to be polite.

I’d have no problem with people drinking in my house if I didn’t drink, but I have teetotal family members who’d be uncomfortable if you brought alcohol to their house. Religion is involved there though.

Just ask them

I don’t drink. Don’t like the taste but I wouldn’t mind if guests bought themselves some alcohol to drink for the night

This law outlines the requirements sober living homes must maintain in order to remain available to the public. Sober homes in TX must:

Are 'sober living homes' some kind of retreat/detox places? Assuming this because of the 'available to the public' clause.

I'm in Ireland too. I have 2 sets of friends who choose not to drink but they would serve wine with dinner if they had invited people over

I'd say just ask. .

@CliffsofMohair

Don’t tell Tony 3 households are mixing he’ll have a meltdown.

I wonder if C are hosting so that there’ll be no alcohol and every couple is the same, rather than C have to watch A and B get merry (and loud) again.

Bloody hell. I don’t drink and my home is like a bar - thanks, husband.
Hate the thought that anyone would think my being teetotal also made me so weird as to give a shit what anyone else was drinking!