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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put my foot down and not let my DP work on christmas eve.long rant ahead

68 replies

lucyellensmum · 21/12/2007 11:19

My DP works for himself so his work tends to dictate his hours, usually unreasonably long! He is a builder and is generally up against it time wise. And whilst most of the building trade do work xmas even morning, we had agreed without talking about it that today would be his last day! He is working on a domestic job and its not like him doing the work xmas eve will complete the job. The orignial set of work was completed on time (three days late to be accurate but actually clients quite pleased as they didnt expect it done so quickly). Now there are lots of extras and they are hassling my DP to get the work finished (understandable but there is only so much that can be done). On the whole the clients are fine and are happy with the way things are going.

There are a few issues here. I call him up this morning for a chat and he said that one of the guys who does work for him rang him and said, did he want him to help him plaster a room that needs doing on xmas eve. I have several problems with this:-

Firstly, DP has felt that this person had not really worked as efficiently as he could have done and this has cost DP money and time. So, i think that him rining up and offering to help with the plastering Xmas eve is taking the piss as he will clearly want paying.

Secondly (and from my point of view most importantly) : This year has been tough for us (we nearly split up due to financial strain and my PND) and i just want a nice peaceful FAMILY christmas and because we had sort of put today down as the last day then in my mind, christmas was starting this weekend. We are gooing to put the tree up (we always do this late) and decorate the room. Then just chill out, heaven knows we need a rest, we have been full of cold and coughs all week and feel knackered. So i dont want to have to put things on hold.

Thirdly and actually THIS is the most important factor. If, IF it would just be a case of him working xmas eve morning i would be OK with it, thats always been the way most years. But i know this job would take him into quite a late day (probably 7 o'clock earliest finish) and i can visualise myself on the phone to him askig when he will be home and the poor sod saying just another hour, etc etc, until i finally get pissed off, start feeling sorry for myself, DD will be tetchy as i will not want to put her to bed before seeing daddy on Xmas eve. And there is a recipe for a ruined xmas if ever i saw one.

Honest opinions here (there can be no compromise regarding the time as plastering is one of those jobs that once you start, you have to finish it and its a big room apparently) AM I BEING A SELFISH BRAT AS USUAL DP is desperate to make his business work but i think family time is so important at this time of year. OK so this would mean that the clients would not be able to paint that room over the christmas break which they might have anticipated in their "clients have no clue how long things actually take and dont realise that DP breaks his back to get things done for them" kind of way - om not slating them, they are paying for the work to be done but i actually feel that the job has gone well and they should be OK with this. Also, if they are not ok then i think it is time for DPs family to take precidence, we all need a break and I need him to be mine for a week with no interruption.

OP posts:
ShakeysGirl · 23/12/2007 13:16

My dp is working til 5pm christmas eve and then has to go straight to his other job til 1am although wont be home til well after then as its quite far away. Hes working 5pm til 1am on the day, and 12pm til 1am boxing day so i wouldn't complain about him working just christmas eve.

Scotia · 23/12/2007 13:17

Lucyellensmum, those 'bloody clients' that you speak of put your bread and butter on the table.

Nailpolish, I hear you

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 13:25

The whole point is, the op's dp is self employed and the job was not a life or death thing. That's why she was p'd off he was planning to upset their plans for the day. He will do the job, just not on Xmas Eve. The one good thing about being self employed is u are a bit more free to choose your working days, unlike employed people. Incidentally, most of the people working in my office on Xmas Eve are only going to be in til noon and will spend most of their time before that going on Internet and playing "sit down bingo" (bit of a silly traditional game for everyone, rather a larf).

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:29

i dont understand how someone can be pissed off their husband is working hard ot provide them with the christmas they want

ok he is self employed but he has to keep his clients happy. they are paying him after all

tillykins · 23/12/2007 13:32

I think its more that the plan was for him NOT to work C'mas eve, so she had made plans around that
you sort of get in your head, right after such and such a time, its our time - and then it wasn't
She just wants Christmas home with her family

lulumama · 23/12/2007 13:34

what nailpolish said

my DH has always worked Xmas eve until about 3 pm, if not later, unless it falls on a monday which is his day off.. and until last year he worked the week between xmas and new year too...

when you have bills to pay and children to feed, you take the work..

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:36

she wants christmas at home with her family

she has christmas day

her dp is trying to make his business work, fgs, im on his side

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 13:39

.. The clients ARE happy! The op is happy. Her dp is happy. EVERYONE is happy. Merry Xmas!

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 13:42

nailpolish, bah humbug!!
How many builders do u know who look like they're struggling to pay their bills and feed their kids?

tillykins · 23/12/2007 13:45

For goodness sake, she was a bit upset because she expected him home on C'mas eve

It doesn't help to say, oh well, be grateful he isn't working C'mas day like I am
That hasn't anything to do with it

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:46

the whole point im trying to make is she should be suppprting her dp as he tries to start his business

not moaning cos he (did) want to work a non-public holiday

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:50

another point id like to make si if my dh moaned about me working, id be upset and feel very unsupported.

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 13:50

He's a self employed builder for gawd's sake... i'm sure he can afford to take one day off so they can all go out in the Merc!

LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy · 23/12/2007 13:51

I thought he did NOT want to. Also, they'd AGREED that he wasn't working so I understand her upset.

BTW, I'm working tomorrow and am gutted as was told by parents I wasn't needed (I'm a childminder) and in the end they changed their mind and said they wanted me. I wouldn't have minded if I hadn't got it in my head that Friday was my last day!!! So I know how you feel OP!

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 13:52

Nailpolish, presumably you HAVE to work or u will get the sack?

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:58

thats not the point

anyone self employed cant just work whenever the feel lke it. they wont last very long.

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 13:58

i assume he decided not to work just for some peace

lucyellensmum · 23/12/2007 13:58

OH MY GOD!!! Doesnt anyone read threads properly these days.

Nailpolish, i AGREE WITH YOU, i wasnt moaning, i was asking if i was being unreasonable for not liking it IF he did work, which he isnt going to do FFS. So, take my DPs side everyone, feel free, cos he is on mine!!

The whole point being, it was not necessary for him to work Xmas eve so why do it?? Completely different however for people who's job requires it, i would assume however that this would be decided in advance. Ive worked christmas day, ive worked christmas eve, in fact, ever other year DP has worked xmas eve. I didnt have a problem with that, my problem was that we had already decided what was going to happen. Anyway, enough of the details.

The clients ARE happy, so there is no problem.

SCOTIA i take offence at your comment. My husband is a talented craftsman, yes of course his clients put our bed and butter on our table. Just as whoever they work for puts theirs on theirs. You mean to tell me that no one has pain in the arse clients??? What? because my DP is a builder he has to take shit from people when they are being unreasonable? With that sort of attitude i wouldnt expect DP would consider working in your house, which, quite frankly, would be your loss. Fortunately, most of our clients are great and always really happy and grateful with what DP does for them. So its OK to moan about work, providing you are not a blue collar working class builder?? We just have to doff our caps and accept everything, like clients expecting work to be done that wasnt in the original quote (sometimes we accomodate, sometimes this isn;t possible) Clients imposing unreasonable time scales? To be fair, this happens alot because people just don't get how long certain things take. Some things that you think are a couple of hours work can take days, especially if it is done properly. Luckily Dave has a mannerism where he can put clients in the picture and everyone is happy. My attitude would be, if you dont like it, see if you can get someone else to do as good a job and as efficiently, oh and good luck!

Interestingly this has happened with the clients we are working for now, the "man" of the house is getting a bit "oldwomany" about things taking time. The woman is more than happy and can see things are moving along swimingly. Why?? Well the woman has owned a house before and has an idea how long things take, the man, poor guy, its his first house - poor luv!! But he is a nice guy and easy to keep in his place

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 23/12/2007 13:58

OH MY GOD!!! Doesnt anyone read threads properly these days.

Nailpolish, i AGREE WITH YOU, i wasnt moaning, i was asking if i was being unreasonable for not liking it IF he did work, which he isnt going to do FFS. So, take my DPs side everyone, feel free, cos he is on mine!!

The whole point being, it was not necessary for him to work Xmas eve so why do it?? Completely different however for people who's job requires it, i would assume however that this would be decided in advance. Ive worked christmas day, ive worked christmas eve, in fact, ever other year DP has worked xmas eve. I didnt have a problem with that, my problem was that we had already decided what was going to happen. Anyway, enough of the details.

The clients ARE happy, so there is no problem.

SCOTIA i take offence at your comment. My husband is a talented craftsman, yes of course his clients put our bed and butter on our table. Just as whoever they work for puts theirs on theirs. You mean to tell me that no one has pain in the arse clients??? What? because my DP is a builder he has to take shit from people when they are being unreasonable? With that sort of attitude i wouldnt expect DP would consider working in your house, which, quite frankly, would be your loss. Fortunately, most of our clients are great and always really happy and grateful with what DP does for them. So its OK to moan about work, providing you are not a blue collar working class builder?? We just have to doff our caps and accept everything, like clients expecting work to be done that wasnt in the original quote (sometimes we accomodate, sometimes this isn;t possible) Clients imposing unreasonable time scales? To be fair, this happens alot because people just don't get how long certain things take. Some things that you think are a couple of hours work can take days, especially if it is done properly. Luckily Dave has a mannerism where he can put clients in the picture and everyone is happy. My attitude would be, if you dont like it, see if you can get someone else to do as good a job and as efficiently, oh and good luck!

Interestingly this has happened with the clients we are working for now, the "man" of the house is getting a bit "oldwomany" about things taking time. The woman is more than happy and can see things are moving along swimingly. Why?? Well the woman has owned a house before and has an idea how long things take, the man, poor guy, its his first house - poor luv!! But he is a nice guy and easy to keep in his place

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 23/12/2007 13:58

OH MY GOD!!! Doesnt anyone read threads properly these days.

Nailpolish, i AGREE WITH YOU, i wasnt moaning, i was asking if i was being unreasonable for not liking it IF he did work, which he isnt going to do FFS. So, take my DPs side everyone, feel free, cos he is on mine!!

The whole point being, it was not necessary for him to work Xmas eve so why do it?? Completely different however for people who's job requires it, i would assume however that this would be decided in advance. Ive worked christmas day, ive worked christmas eve, in fact, ever other year DP has worked xmas eve. I didnt have a problem with that, my problem was that we had already decided what was going to happen. Anyway, enough of the details.

The clients ARE happy, so there is no problem.

SCOTIA i take offence at your comment. My husband is a talented craftsman, yes of course his clients put our bed and butter on our table. Just as whoever they work for puts theirs on theirs. You mean to tell me that no one has pain in the arse clients??? What? because my DP is a builder he has to take shit from people when they are being unreasonable? With that sort of attitude i wouldnt expect DP would consider working in your house, which, quite frankly, would be your loss. Fortunately, most of our clients are great and always really happy and grateful with what DP does for them. So its OK to moan about work, providing you are not a blue collar working class builder?? We just have to doff our caps and accept everything, like clients expecting work to be done that wasnt in the original quote (sometimes we accomodate, sometimes this isn;t possible) Clients imposing unreasonable time scales? To be fair, this happens alot because people just don't get how long certain things take. Some things that you think are a couple of hours work can take days, especially if it is done properly. Luckily Dave has a mannerism where he can put clients in the picture and everyone is happy. My attitude would be, if you dont like it, see if you can get someone else to do as good a job and as efficiently, oh and good luck!

Interestingly this has happened with the clients we are working for now, the "man" of the house is getting a bit "oldwomany" about things taking time. The woman is more than happy and can see things are moving along swimingly. Why?? Well the woman has owned a house before and has an idea how long things take, the man, poor guy, its his first house - poor luv!! But he is a nice guy and easy to keep in his place

OP posts:
nailpolish · 23/12/2007 14:02

i did read thread properly

you said in OP you wanted honest opinions

you also asked if you were being a selish brat...

Chardonnay1966 · 23/12/2007 14:03

Merry Xmas LucyEllensMum! Doing anything nice tomorrow?

lucyellensmum · 23/12/2007 14:03

I AM GOING TO SCREAM!!

He didnt work because he didnt need to. You do make an excellent point though about people who work for themselves, it might look like they can pick and chose their hours but in reality, the hours are long and relentless and it doesnt stop when you come home either. It would be a whole lot easier if he were to get a job and be home by 4 every day but we have chosen this route and are not complaining.

NP i think you have misunderstood me

OP posts:
pukkapatch · 23/12/2007 14:03

havent read this thread, but the title made me laugh.
i have a workaholic dh, who is a bit better than he used to be, but not much. a few christmas's ago, he was stomping roung the house, stressed out cause he couldnt work! because everything was closed. he had already spent about two hours on the phone to singapore, or malaysia or someplace like that, where they were working. and he needed to get things done this end. but you know, how inconsiderate could people be? closing down for christmas day?

nailpolish · 23/12/2007 14:05

home by 4pm???

we'd all like a job like that

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