To wonder how on earth people meet their partners?

[Loueylouise]

Name change, as I know quite a few people on here

I've just turned 41 and been single for a little over two years. When I met my ex, it was way before online dating. Everything seemed that bit easier...

I signed up about a year ago to online dating sites (Match, PoF, Bumble) and filled my profiles out/put nice photos on. I get messages and likes but most of the messages just say 'hi' or a variation on that. No mention of anything in my profile. I feel like anyone who is just saying hi isn't that bothered.

When I message a man first, I keep it reasonably short but make sure to mention things in his profile. I either don't get a response, which is fair enough, but sometimes I do and it only lasts a few messages and fizzles out.

I'd really appreciate any advice on what I can do differently or where I'm going wrong. Would also love to hear how anyone met their partner during covid!

Fuck knows
It’s grim as fuck out there

OLD is horrible.

I met my husband at work, and actually work or work related probably accounts for half the people I know, part from those who met OL.

Other people I know with partners, through friends or family is probably second most common, through activities particularly long term on-going ones the third.

Perseverance....

With PoF I only met 3 guys initially.... two were 1 daters, 3rd lasted about 3 months.

I came off it as I was getting fed up of no responses or guys wanting flings.... I was convinced to go back on.... few conversations and then 1 guy messaged who was slightly older than I was looking for..... we have been married 5 years with 2 children.

Honestly it took time but I wasnt meeting guys any other way so it didnt really bother me that it took over 2 years...

Try coming off for about 6 months then go back on, new profiles will be on there and will see you as a new person.

Met dh on tinder.

Had been talking to two other men, both had progressed to texting but the conversation never fully flowed? Then I met dh.
Conversation was easy, it flowed naturally, we were sending paragraphs of text at a time, poking fun at each other. I met him in person 3 months later for coffee. We've been together nearly 5 years and married for 2.

DH went on lots of dates from OLD before meeting me. He said it's really disheartening and he felt like he'd never meet anyone that it would really last with.

People still meet them irl, not everything has to be online, most of the friends I have met their partners irl

Hi is a standard response to see if you have noticed them, you then can send maybe a sentence back if possibly interested then they tend to send a few lines and so on. Seemed the same on most the major sites.

That said I then paid for a proper site (£100 for 6 months special offer but is £40 a month) and got much longer opening gambits. I met dp after 4.5 months or so, far fewer options but people tend to be seriously looking for a partner rather than just sex

I was thinking about this. I barely leave the house since Covid, but I can't bear the thought of OLD. I do go to the gym and occasionally chat to people but nothing that's likely to lead to a relationship 🤷‍♀️.

Match - we met after a few days of chatting and were engaged within 9 days.

We have both been married before and dh wasn't looking to get married again so it was a huge surprise when he asked me.

I tend to think the more expensive dating sites are best as people are actually looking for a partner if they've spent money!

I tried online dating, I didn’t like anyone enough to actually meet them, I wasn’t meeting anyone in real life (I didn’t have the time). In the end I used a dating agency, it was a little pricey and parts of the process were a bit cringey, they did single nights and also matched etc. It was a positive experience for me and thats how I met my husband.

H1: uni (1990)
DH2: work, had actually known him for a few years (approx 10 years ago)
Bloke I'm currently seeing: OLD (3.5 years ago)

Match!!

Both married before.

I was his first date, he was my second.

Engaged after 7 months, married after 18 months.

Couldn't be more happy

Never tried any of the free sites!

Work.

At a friends wedding

At a girl guide center.

I’m 30s and met my DH at work in my
29s. The vast majority of my friend met their now husbands on Tinder.

We met as teenagers, both moved away and married other people then divorced. I had dc. We had lost contact but bumped into each other again around 15 years ago. 3 years later we got married.

He’s lovelier than I remember.

To meet serious people you do need to pay a subscription, a lot of the replies will be generated by the site admin on the free sites. You havn’t said, if you have dependant children it’s going to harder than if you’re on your own, kids can make any new relationship hard.
Keep trying but don’t neglect personal single contacts, they are probably an better bet.

Tinder.

Online dating for men is a tough numbers game where they open conversations with loads of women who mostly ignore them. I think it’s a bit mean to judge them for saying “hi” - judge them on their second line when you’ve said hi back so they know it’s worth their while reading your profile!

OLD quite a few years ago now. I think you really need to use a reputable paid for site, as the free ones seem to be just guys looking for sex.

I know quite a few people who met partners the same way.

I never had any luck OLD. I met my bf of 18 months in the local pub. I’m a similar age to you.

Keep trying with OLD - DH and I have been to two Tinder weddings, one Bumble wedding and one Hapn wedding. We’ve even got a Grindr wedding coming up! My best friend met her DH on eHarmony and DH’s Aunt met her DH on match.com

I met my DH campaigning for a political party.

My sister is nearly 50 ,she split up from her ex husband about three years ago,and met her current partner in a club ,they met just before COVID ,so coming up for two years

Work. I wasn't looking as I was still reeling from ExH walking out, but we've been married 6 years now.

I knew boyfriend socially before we got together, and we also matched on 2 dating sites. His profile was rubbish and if I hadn't already known him, I would probably not have looked twice. It made me wonder how many other people get written off on OLD just because they're not very Instagram - savvy and don't know how to take good selfies. Some people just aren't very good at text chat either, but can be great in person.
Actually I became very suspicious of men with great profiles and smooth text chat because they were the ones who didn't really want to meet up, but wanted to keep texting forever. I suspect for some, their real life persona was not as attractive as the online one and they preferred to stay in fantasy land.
If I find myself out there again, I would :

• Ask around re where's a good pub or bar that has a singles night
• Join some Meetup events
• Definitely do OLD but treat it as a numbers game and try to do brief drink /coffee meet - ups ASAP and not place too much store by profiles

I wouldn't want to rely on meeting people through general hobbies because usually you just don't meet that many single middle-aged people that way. Or find a niche hobby that has lots of very fit blokes in it ....

Through a friend.