Page 2 | To wonder how on earth people meet their partners?

Loueylouise · 2021-12-28T16:57:52+00:00

Name change, as I know quite a few people on here [blush] I've just turned 41 and been single for a little over two years. When I met my ex, it was way before online dating. Everything seemed that bit easier... I signed up about a year ago to online dating sites (Match, PoF, Bumble) and filled my profiles out/put nice photos on. I get messages and likes but most of the messages just say 'hi' or a variation on that. No mention of anything in my profile. I feel like anyone who is just saying hi isn't that bothered. When I message a man first, I keep it reasonably short but make sure to mention things in his profile. I either don't get a response, which is fair enough, but sometimes I do and it only lasts a few messages and fizzles out. I'd really appreciate any advice on what I can do differently or where I'm going wrong. Would also love to hear how anyone met their partner during covid!

mobear · 29/12/2021 01:57

I met DP at work. I tried OLD but it wasn’t for me.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 29/12/2021 02:04

Playing a MMORPG. It's perfect. I don't feel like I have to nag him to get off the computer and he doesn't get nagged to get off the computer, because we are doing it together!

Tomlettegregg · 29/12/2021 02:11

Bumble and its a bit of a numbers game.i did it for 7 months. Met maybe 15 guys in real life. Spoke to 40-50. Dated 2. And slept with a handful. Married and had a child with 1.

aurynne · 29/12/2021 02:27

OLD has never worked for me, I tried it twice, once for 1.5 years, the second time for 6 months. I met loads of guys, some really nice, but I just cannot develop a romantic feeling for someone I just have met a bunch of times in one-on-one dates, it's not how my brain works. I have made some very good friendships out of it, though.

My current partner I met when I joined a MeetUp group for people who were new to the place I live now, over a year and a half ago. I met him the first time I joined an activity with the group, and saw him several times over the year, but always in the context of the group. I always thought he was a very interesting person. But we didn't really start talking one-on-one until recently, and then we couldn't stop! By then I knew some of his friends, I had seen him in the company of others, at a cafe, as part of a hiking group, on his bike, hosting a group in his house... with absolutely no pressure. That for me makes all the difference, and gives time for the feelings to develop.

If it does not work I don't think I'll try OLD again. It leaves me feeling empty and unsatisfied.

Totalwasteofpaper · 29/12/2021 04:38

It is grim AF but OLD way the best way to meet someone as I simply was not meeting eligible men in daily life and my consideration pool was smaller than average anyway.

I met my husband on tinder.
We were in London and we and anyone we know wgo did or does OLD found paid for a total waste (especially match!)

Advice:

unpopular opinion but let the guy message you and do the leg work early on. I never had anything good start where I took the initiative similar for female friends
get off platform onto WhatsApp in about 24-48 hours. Do some back and forth chit chat if a date isn't in the diary within the first 2-7 days you are chatting to a 'pen friend guy'
I got full name and LinkedIn verified ID of all dates. No surname and/or verification - no date.
keep dates geographically convenient, cheap and low key
leave if you don't like them
accept its a numbers game. I would sift on Sunday and Monday and get matches /chats going and line up 2-3 dates per week. I had a two - three date cut off for seeing people at that point even if they were fun if I didn't see something longer term I'd bin it off. I also started overlapping dates as it's more time efficient.
one red flag and you are out. Boundaries are very important in OLD. So is a thick skin.

Took me 2.5 years and a couple of false starts to find my husband but worth it

CurzonDax · 29/12/2021 05:12

I joined a local social group, which I found via meetup.com - I've met a really good group of friends through this group.
One day DH joined us on a meal out (there were 8 of us at the mea and I had been attending these group events for almost a year at this point), as he was new the area and didn't know anyone. We both kept going to group events and became good friends. We gradually got to know each other better, and started to like each other. 14 months after we first met we started dating.

I genuinely did not join the group to find a partner i was incredibly depressed at the time, and had no friends near me - it was my way of getting out, meeting people, and rebuilding my life. DH and I are still good friends with said group.

OnlySantaCanJingleMyBells · 29/12/2021 07:09

I’m met mine OLD - the standard sites didn’t seem to have much more than people wanting to hook up for sex - okay if that’s what you’re after.

I met DH on OK Cupid. I’d never heard of it before, but it’s like a free version of match. You answer questions, there are many, which show how compatible you are. You get to see the other person’s answers as long as they’ve answered the same questions you have.

This was eight years ago and things may have changed, but it is one I’d use again should I ever be looking for a new partner - hope not as now have two kids and a house!

user1019273703 · 29/12/2021 07:12

Match. I took a break from it & went back on. So glad I did. But yes had to put up with no responses and awful messages!

Toomanybiccys123 · 29/12/2021 07:16

I've not old. But my friend has. Early 30s. She gets ghosted.

The problem is quite simple. When you catch someone's eye in real life its natural. They find you attractive. You jumped out at them. They want to get to know you. Online It's just stalking several peoples pages and you end up sending a message to several people. Nobodies heads in one place with one person. It's awful really. How can you stand a chance when you are one option. You shouldn't be a potential option. You should be the woman that makes that man want to put his efforts in.

I actually don't know how you meet someone now. I met my current boyfriend when he was doing my neighbours garden up. We ended up talking across the road and I went on Facebook 2 months after he left and we got messaging and admitted we both had fancied one another. Our relationship is strained a year on because he has alot of problems. But we met in real life originally.

PermanentTemporary · 29/12/2021 07:20

Ourtime (site for over 50s). Met 3 people and my bf was the third. Been with him just over a year. I meet up pretty fast even if only for a video call or a drink - messaging is fine but chemistry on WhatsApp doesn't necessarily translate.

But before that I spent 2 years sex dating. So I'd got pretty familiar with online connections and was comfortable being focused on what I wanted. Dudnt make me a better person but I had some great times.

Isthatthebestyoucando · 29/12/2021 07:20

Sorry but meeting online and being engaged after a week is a bit red flaggy for me.

Crazykatie · 29/12/2021 07:30

@Toomanybiccys123

I've not old. But my friend has. Early 30s. She gets ghosted.

The problem is quite simple. When you catch someone's eye in real life its natural. They find you attractive. You jumped out at them. They want to get to know you. Online It's just stalking several peoples pages and you end up sending a message to several people. Nobodies heads in one place with one person. It's awful really. How can you stand a chance when you are one option. You shouldn't be a potential option. You should be the woman that makes that man want to put his efforts in.

I actually don't know how you meet someone now. I met my current boyfriend when he was doing my neighbours garden up. We ended up talking across the road and I went on Facebook 2 months after he left and we got messaging and admitted we both had fancied one another. Our relationship is strained a year on because he has alot of problems. But we met in real life originally.

Your opportunity to catch someone’s eye is a really nice online introduction, you will be noticed, be honest, if you are not looking for casual sex say so, that will cut out many of the abusive replies.

Thatwaslulu · 29/12/2021 07:37

I'm 42 and met someone on Bumble, we have been messaging for a bit (about each other's lives, kids (mines an adult, his is 12), dogs, interests, very tiny amount of smutty innuendo but only after midnight and nothing outright sexual). We are meeting today for the first time and I'm feeling optimistic - we have friends in common, so I took a reference from one of them who is more likely to be objective as he has known me all my life (friend of my parents) and knows my date through work. It was way more glowing than I could have hoped for.

I don't know where this will lead if anywhere, but it's my first time trying OLD, he is the first (and only) guy I swiped right on and I got his attention by putting two truths and a lie on my profile, and in my initial message referenced something small in his bio that I found appealing (his grammar pedantry, which I share) and asked him to decide which was my lie. He got it right and his reply made me laugh. He claims to have only spoken to a couple of other women, all his other info checks out on my due diligence so there is a high likelihood he isn't hiding too much. We will see.

Funnylittlefloozie · 29/12/2021 07:42

I did a lot of OLD after splitting with exH, but then ended up meeting the semi-serious BF at work. That lasted about 18 months, then another work friend set me up with yet another colleague as she thought we'd suit each other. That was 3.5 years ago, and we're buying a house together now, and are ridiculously happy.

I do work in a place with lots of men, though. If I worked in a primary school, relying on meeting men through work wouldn't be a great strategy!

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 29/12/2021 07:50

I met my partner at work, most people I know met their partners either through work, school or OLD.