.. to have complained about DP's lack of cleanliness?

[Rosiestraws]

Fairly new (4/5 months) partner has a house with one housemate (DP has ensuite, the housemate uses the main bathroom ).

DP does not clean regularly as far as I can tell. He hoovers but I really don't think I've ever seen evidence of him properly cleaning his toilet/shower/sink.. there are cleaning products but I don't think they are used! Same with kitchen surfaces etc and floors.. just in general it's a bit grotty as if they were students and never seem to clean. I believe there was a cleaner pre covid but the cleaner has not been back...

After a couple of months I made some jokey comments about the bathroom in particular and ended up cleaning it myself once and trying to make the joke of "your standards just arent the same as mine" as I didnt know how to address it without offending him! I was hoping he would get the hint...

Today his housemate is away and I ended up using the main bathroom and I made a joke about how I should use it all the time and how clean it was and DP got annoyed with me and said I was really starting to grate on him with my constant complaining. I had made other jokey comments about cleanliness.

Now I do get that if it was a friend it would have been wrong to say anything but I don't know how else to address this without making the jokes. Ultimately, I reckon he would be pretty upset if I ended things over his lack of cleaning but it is really bothering me! I don't want to end up being the one who does all the cleaning but frankly it's all a bit gross and affecting my sexual interest in him etc.. sh** marks in the toilet bowl/wee under rim, shavings in sink/shower not cleaned etc..

I feel like he's expecting an apology for the complaining... should I just accept he's not got the same standards as me and put up or shut up!?

Btw we/housemate etc are all 35-40....

Oh so the flatmate is actually a lodger?

In that case I couldn't be with someone who took no pride in the home he owns, even if just before you came over. Absolutely grim.

Ohhh it's one of those threads where the OP ignores 3 pages of people saying from bitter experience, he won't change, but clings on to the thread which advocates a different negotiation tactic with the man-child-

As you were OP. If you carry on, not only will you be his surrogate mother and cleaner, but he'll likely stop bathing himself regularly too. But sometimes you have to find things out for yourself.

This was my DH.

A word from the future...it doesn't change.

No matter how much I nag him he still leaves shit stains in the toilet (bad ones) and pee on the toilet seat.

So don't continue in the relationship thinking you'll change him or he'll become houseproud if he was in his own house as he won't.

I (yes, I not we) bought a 4 bed brand new detached house for us. Everything pristine. He's still grim.

You stay at his?

If his bathroom is that bad, how often does he change the bedding 🤮

This early on in the relationship is surely the stage where he should still be trying to impress you. Cleanliness should be a given. If this is now, I’m afraid the future doesn’t look rosy.

@SpacePotato

You stay at his?

If his bathroom is that bad, how often does he change the bedding 🤮

My ex would literally never change the bedding unless I did he. He'd be happy to have the same on the bed for a year.

Have only read the OP.
Run.
If he thinks you're complaining now, imagine the same after 20 years and a couple of dc.

I used to date a guy and he would come round to mine - seemed like a good idea as he was sharing and I had my own place - when I finally persuaded him to let me visit I realised why! I think those bedsheets were fossilised and I found half an old sausage roll under one pillow