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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if there's anyone that gives you a sick feeling when you think about them?

31 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 28/12/2021 14:49

My mother who has been nothing short of toxic to me. She says nasty things about my appearance, house and everything else really. She favours her equally toxic and plain ignorant, homophobic and racist husband. She puts me down to other family members and passes it off as a joke and has done since I can remember. If I ever try and stick up for myself against any of her negative behaviour, I get the blame. I'm quite a free-spirited, creative, chilled person but she doesn't see this, she thinks I should be the same as everyone else. A sheep. Other family don't realise she's this bad. I recently posted about her. She can be nice and loving sometimes but then the nasty comes out and I'm left thinking WTF. It's usually all about her.

When I have a lot of my time on my hands, like now in the Christmas break and weekends I end up thinking about how bad it is and whether it's me being a shit daughter and I swear I get a sick feeling and just end up depressed. Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/12/2021 15:48

An ex-colleague who now works in a shop local to my workplace . Treated me badly when we worked 'together' and still makes me feel a bit queasy if I catch sight of her in said shop. Luckily I don't use it often anymore.

RedBonnet · 28/12/2021 15:50

Posters on here who tear you to pieces when you post something they disagree with. I don't have very thick skin and I can't handle conflict. Hence why I rarely post anything 😔

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 28/12/2021 15:52

A couple of colleagues who waited until I was on holiday and did something to absolutely trash my career.

Luckily I've hauled myself out of there and am doing fine, but even thinking about them takes me right back to those days.

aweebitlost · 28/12/2021 15:53

@RedBonnet I've had that in the past (long time ago under a different username). I was torn to pieces on a thread and it completely put me off using MN. There was however, one poster was understood where I was coming from and was very kind, and every time I see her username it makes me smile.

BlibBlobBlabBlub · 28/12/2021 15:53

My mil!

ArabellaStrange · 28/12/2021 15:54

My ex-husband and my step father.

Waterfallgirl · 28/12/2021 15:55

Mines a colleague too. She bullies me and puts me down oh so subtly - so much so I really can’t do anything. I do feel sick if I have to go into the office if she’s there. The last 18 months have brought me real joy as I have not seen her in r l once, ( although she is still up to her tricks).

alwayswrighty · 28/12/2021 15:58

Oh god.

One of my old bosses who marched me out the office after sacking me for no reason other than I wouldn't accept him treating people badly. Not long after I started he sacked a field sales agent in a service station car park and took her company car from her immediately stranding her 30 miles from home. Came back to the office, rubbed his hands together in glee and said 'that was quick and dirty'. That was 13 years ago and I'll never forget that vile wretched man.

Even my ex husbands, who have done some vile things, don't make me feel like that.

freshflowers2 · 28/12/2021 16:02

@RainbowBriteUk
Me- with my mother! Almost exactly the same situation. She criticises and heaps scorn on me behind my back to anyone who will listen and then can't understand why I don't want to confide in her.
Honestly she makes my skin crawl but I have to pretend things are fine.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 28/12/2021 16:04

An old colleague for me too.
She’s younger than me and got a job a grade higher than me - I didn’t apply for the job, but she seemed constantly threatened by me and was nit picking and questioned everything I did. It wasn’t a problem I had nothing to hide, but she didn’t do it to any of the rest of the team.
I’ve since found a much nicer job, but even seeing her name on an email or a car like she used to drive makes me feel nauseous.

3scape · 28/12/2021 16:07

I'm sure she is awful, and don't doubt you could feel various symptoms of anxiety when thinking of someone who brings you a lot of personal stress and hurt.

Oldtiredfedup · 28/12/2021 16:08

My mother, my father, my ex husband, my daughter’s father and an ex friend who helped them to ruin my life. Oh and the social workers who believed their bullshit and ignored any evidence that showed they were wrong and even made up evidence - and we found to have done so at a level three complains panel - they should have been sacked.

They all make me sick

BillywigSting · 28/12/2021 16:08

My previous manager. I won't go into detail but she manages a care home who's rating fell through the floor under her watch and I honestly don't know how she sleeps at night.

She wasn't just awful to me, but many of my colleagues (who are leaving in droves just as I did). She has left the lovely but so vulnerable residents completely in the lurch and in my opinion she is quite frankly a disgrace to her profession (she's an rgn) and as she doesn't appear to have a caring bone in her body, has absolutely no business being in care.

But her area manager likes her because she saves the company money.

I think she is genuinely wicked and devoid of compassion and there is only one other person I have ever met that I feel that way about.

I hope I never have to see her face again.

RedBonnet · 28/12/2021 16:13

[quote aweebitlost]@RedBonnet I've had that in the past (long time ago under a different username). I was torn to pieces on a thread and it completely put me off using MN. There was however, one poster was understood where I was coming from and was very kind, and every time I see her username it makes me smile.[/quote]
Thank you, glad it's not just me. Glad you stayed too 👍 I'm fairly new si still getting used to it all x

StoneofDestiny · 28/12/2021 16:14

Oh gosh. The cure for this is to 'get even' in your own way. Think of the positives that come out of these hideous situations ie new job. If family, drop contact to deny them the satisfaction of being bullies - and think how unhappy and bitter they must be to live like that. I'd do all I could to be better, happier and more fulfilled than them - and let them chew on that. Bullies feed over other peoples misery - starve them to death!

RedBonnet · 28/12/2021 16:16

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

Yes, this, you just reminded me of an old boss who wasn't always at our office, but if I saw his car in the car park my spirit would sink and I'd just want to go home 😭

dontforgettofloss · 28/12/2021 16:19

Lots and lots of people, I used to be very forgiving and passive, as I've grown older I've become less tolerant, and looking back, there were people that treated me horribly (ex husband, school bullys,) but I've only recently felt sick when I've heard about them/thought about them

alwayswrighty · 28/12/2021 16:27

@BillywigSting my husband worked in a nursing home until last year who cqc have stated 'requires significant improvement'. The manager was sacked. I hate to say it but the residents were treated poorly and the staff she like walked all over her so she got her just deserts.

BillywigSting · 28/12/2021 16:36

@StoneofDestiny that's exactly what I've done re evil boss. I have a fab job now with far more respect, more money, better hours, more clinical and a lovely new manager

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 28/12/2021 17:06

@dontforgettofloss

Probably because you are annoyed at yourself for not being more assertive - l kick my younger self sometimes for putting up with people like that!

BillywigSting · 28/12/2021 17:20

@alwayswrighty that's heartening to hear but I honestly don't think this woman will be sacked unless the companies hand is forced. Residents have already died unnecessarily /been put at significant risk of harm before I left.

I blew the whistle and got out of dodge.

They were inspected and downgraded shortly after.

I felt awful leaving the residents I had got close to but I couldn't stay there, my mental health hanging on by a thread and I was well and truly burnt out. I spent most of my first week off after there sleeping.

alwayswrighty · 28/12/2021 17:59

@BillywigSting awful. Glad you blew the whistle when you left. Absolutely did the right thing

ALongHardWinter · 28/12/2021 18:31

My manager,when I worked in an off-licence,20 years ago. Even after all these years,I still get a nasty feeling if I think of her. She was pure poison. What made it even worse was that I'd got on great with the previous two managers,but for some reason,she took an instant dislike to me. She was perfectly nice to everyone else,who of course thought she was wonderful. She was so unpleasant to me that I ended up finding another job and handing in my notice.

CherryAndAlmond · 28/12/2021 18:37

My next door neighbour. She's done nothing wrong other than be a bit too bloody perfect. But she overheard a very private conversation I was having in the summer with the window open (my fault I know!) and ever since then I've felt sick whenever I've seen her. And I sort of hate her even though she's done nothing wrong.

borisisaknob · 28/12/2021 19:04

My last partner. We had an affair and it ended very badly and I only just avoided a mental breakdown thanks to my parents stepping in and pulling me through.
He wasn't so lucky.

Whenever I think of him my stomach lurches, I feel sick and I ask myself how on earth I was so stupid.

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