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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I Being Unreasonable?

43 replies

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 19:50

Hi everyone, thanks in advance!

I've been pretty upset since Christmas day & not sure if it's me making a big deal of it & blowing things out of proportion. Would be really grateful to know what you guys think?

My son and his wife live in Germany and were unable to come home for Christmas due to covid restrictions, so I guess I was upset about that to begin with. My husband & I are pretty close to our son and have a good relationship. We all decided in advance that this year we would have a smaller budget than previous years & spend the same amount on each of our presents On Christmas day we spoke on Skype & opened our presents together along with my sister ( his aunt). Once we had finished opening our gifts it became apparent to me that my son had spent quite a bit more on his aunt than myself or my husband. My sister is a very generous person by nature & likes to treat her nephew. She lives alone & has never married or had any children of her own. I just felt really hurt that my son would think that was ok. It's not about the money but more about the fact that he didn't think I would notice or it might hurt my feelings spending more on his aunt than his mum? My husband says he didn't realise what he was doing & didn't mean to hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive but do feel pretty upset by it. I'm not sure whether I should tell my son how I feel or not but don't want to upset him. Am I being Unreasonable?

Thanks all

OP posts:

violetbunny · 27/12/2021 19:53

Was your sister included in the agreement only to spend a maximum amount? If not, then perhaps this is why your son spent more? If that's the case I wouldn't take it personally, he's probably just spent what he usually would if the agreement hadn't been in place.

phishy · 27/12/2021 19:54

I can see why it would sting, but had you all agreed with your sister about the reduced budget?

If not, it would have been awkward for him if he got her a small gift as she is really generous to him?

Cofifeefee · 27/12/2021 19:55

I think you are being a bit unreasonable and you should be proud of your son for thinking of his aunt who has been generous to him.

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 19:56

You sound like a 10 year old

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 27/12/2021 19:57

Did he spend the budget between you and your dh and the whole budget on his aunt?

Even if that's not what happened it wouldn't bother me on any level. It's weird to keep a mental tally of what your ds spent on gifts for people.

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 19:57

Don't open presents together in future if you're going to be overinvested in what others get

Fallagain · 27/12/2021 19:58

If your son lives in Germany then he is already home. If the cost of the gift is truly unimportant to you then it wouldn’t matter. Sometimes I spend more on someone’s gift then usual because I find something which would be perfect but out of the usual budget.

girlmom21 · 27/12/2021 19:58

Was your gift from him thoughtful and kind?

SantasGotABigOne · 27/12/2021 20:01

If shes always generous with him, he just wanted to do the same and show his appreciation.

QueenCarrot · 27/12/2021 20:01

‘It’s not about the money, it’s just that I’m bothered that he spent more on his aunt than he did on me’

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2021 20:02

Was your sister involved in the plans about budgets? Did you like what he bought you?

hidetheicicles · 27/12/2021 20:02

It’s not clear if your sister was included in the budget agreement. If she was, YANBU. If she wasn’t, YABU.

Overitallnow · 27/12/2021 20:02

Really???? I think it's nice that he appreciates his generous aunt who has nobody else to get her gifts.

FluffyBooBoo · 27/12/2021 20:04

It sounds like what you agreed was between you, your husband and your son (and his wife).

It doesn't sound like your sister was part of that conversation. Was she? If so, was he aware?

I think yabu to complain that he stuck to the agreement with the people that made it, but not people outwith it, if that's what happened.

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2021 20:05

Gosh really op, you were jealous and wanted him to keep to them budget for your sister too?

Cmon now, time to grow up. Stop being so focused on what others get. Be glad of your gift.

Chamomileteaplease · 27/12/2021 20:07

Maybe he wanted to spend more as he likes her, she is generous and she has no partner or children to buy her other presents?

I buy more for my sister as she has no children to give her presents.

freshflowers2 · 27/12/2021 20:09

Please don't mention this to him, you'll look petty.

It sounds like your son was given a budget for yours/your husbands gifts and stuck to it. But didn't want his aunt to feel hurt by spending the same amount on her, as- from what you say- she was likely to have spent a higher amount on him.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 27/12/2021 20:12

It's really odd to be jealous that your DS has a nice relationship with his aunt. Whatever the back story, you have an adult child so it's time to be a grown-up up really.

Most years I spend vastly different amounts on people, then it evens out another year. It may just be something he thought she'd like!

PenguinBarnotBird · 27/12/2021 20:14

Smacks of jealousy. Must be a history with your sister? As PP have said, time to grow up

PicaK · 27/12/2021 20:14

He loves you. He doesn't have to spend money and demonstrate it because its inate. He feels loyalty and kindness to his aunt because you have a nice kid and he cares.
Don't confuse spending £££s with love

LawnFever · 27/12/2021 20:16

You sound like all the small children lots of people have been talking about having a strop because they think someone else has got more presents than they have.

Don’t be so grabby and materialistic, just because you’ve set a budget doesn’t mean you get to dictate what your adult son spends on his aunt.

It’s also very rude to sit watching what other people have been given whilst tallying up the cost of other peoples gifts.

It’s nice that your son is clearly less materialistic than you.

Thatsplentyjack · 27/12/2021 20:20

But the 3 of you had a budget fpr gift buying. I dont see the problem at all.

SourMilkGhyll · 27/12/2021 20:20

The price should be irrelevant. Did you like what you received?
Maybe he just found a really good deal on hers and actually spent the same on both of you?
How do you know what both presents cost, not what you think they probably cost, did you see a receipt or price tag?

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2021 20:45

Don't have an agreement to spend a set amount if you are going to get upset if people stick to the arrangement!

Your Christmas present doesn't define how much your ds loves you. You presumably spent the same amount on him and still love him a lot. You aren't in competition with your sister/sil.

Hercisback · 27/12/2021 20:47

You can't get upset about an agreed budget being stuck to.

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