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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I Being Unreasonable?

43 replies

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 19:50

Hi everyone, thanks in advance!

I've been pretty upset since Christmas day & not sure if it's me making a big deal of it & blowing things out of proportion. Would be really grateful to know what you guys think?

My son and his wife live in Germany and were unable to come home for Christmas due to covid restrictions, so I guess I was upset about that to begin with. My husband & I are pretty close to our son and have a good relationship. We all decided in advance that this year we would have a smaller budget than previous years & spend the same amount on each of our presents On Christmas day we spoke on Skype & opened our presents together along with my sister ( his aunt). Once we had finished opening our gifts it became apparent to me that my son had spent quite a bit more on his aunt than myself or my husband. My sister is a very generous person by nature & likes to treat her nephew. She lives alone & has never married or had any children of her own. I just felt really hurt that my son would think that was ok. It's not about the money but more about the fact that he didn't think I would notice or it might hurt my feelings spending more on his aunt than his mum? My husband says he didn't realise what he was doing & didn't mean to hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive but do feel pretty upset by it. I'm not sure whether I should tell my son how I feel or not but don't want to upset him. Am I being Unreasonable?

Thanks all

OP posts:

Original poster

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 20:51

Hi, thanks everyone!

We all agreed how much we would spend on each other & we all stuck to the same budget. My DS was the only one who spent more than double on his aunt. The only reason I know how much it was is because it was a gift voucher. He gave me money to pick something for myself as he wasn't sure what to buy me. I love that my sister and son have a good relationship & she is generous to him, which I appreciate a lot. It's possible that he wanted to spend the same on her as both my husband & I together as she doesn't have a partner ( as I think someone pointed out.) Maybe I'm over-reacting in feeling a bit hurt by it. I appreciate all the replies, thank you!

OP posts:

Doesntfeellikexmas · 27/12/2021 20:51

Yabu. It clearly is about the money. You equate money spent to care and attention.

phishy · 27/12/2021 20:53

@Cassiemae

Hi, thanks everyone!

That’s a good point, she gives 3 presents but only gets 2 back?

I think you should be proud of your son.

SheSaidHummingbird · 27/12/2021 20:55

I think it is about the money for you. You liked your gift, yes? If it's not about money, what are you unhappy about?

StFrancisdeCompostela · 27/12/2021 20:56

Do you think this kind of petty bean counting is what Christmas is about?

TyrannosaurusRights · 27/12/2021 20:58

@Cassiemae

Hi, thanks everyone!

Gift vouchers are often available on special offer (eg a £50 value for £30), or list individual values for a package deal (eg spa visit, one treatment and a glass of champagne face value of say £75 actual cost of the three together £50) or unwanted gifts sold on under face value. So it’s entirely possible he just got a deal on her gift.

Shiningpath · 27/12/2021 20:59

You sound very petty.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 27/12/2021 21:00

Wait… the gifts were just money? Not even gifts?

saoirse31 · 27/12/2021 21:06

He did what you wanted him to do re your and husbands presents, you e a good relationship so all good. He is clearly a nice person, who also wanted to appreciate his aunt who's very generous to him. I think you should be very proud of him tbh

FluffyBooBoo · 27/12/2021 21:08

Depending on the voucher, it could have been in budget.

I've got great, often half price, deals on vouchers for things like cocktails, massage and afternoon teas. Also, he may have regifted it.

Original poster

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 21:25

saoirse31
Yes you're right he is a good person & I am very proud of him & his relationship with his aunt. It's probably me being over-sensitive. Thanks for your comments :)

OP posts:

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 27/12/2021 21:30

Did you buy him a gift and his dad buy him a separate gift or was it a gift from the both of you?

Original poster

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 21:47

My husband & I gave my son & wife a gift each and they did the same for us. My sister gave my son & his wife a gift also. The agreed budget was supposed to be per person.

OP posts:

Sunpotter · 27/12/2021 22:06

Were you giving as couples but receiving as individuals? If so it makes sense she got more as she was receiving as an individual but buying for each member of a couple - so if budget was £50pp she would spend £200 (4 gifts) and would have received £100 (1 gift from each couple)

Original poster

Cassiemae · 27/12/2021 22:19

Sunpotter. That's a really good point actually, I never thought about it in that way. My son is a very fair & logical person, this seems the most likely explanation. While I'm being overly emotional, he's just being decent & fair :)Thank you!

OP posts:

FluffyBooBoo · 27/12/2021 22:23

So they interpreted it as giving X amount from him and X amount from his wife?

Seems like he did just as you asked.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 27/12/2021 22:45

Sunpotter - that's what I was trying to get at but you said it much clearer than me.

Cici22 · 27/12/2021 22:52

You really seem to acting like a toddler, what else did he actually get you compared to her. You don't know for a fact what he spent. Or if he had it shipped over due to Brexit the cost are expensive. This isn't about you, you have really missed the point of Christmas here and are ruining if for yourself.

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