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Original poster

Small child and gift envy on Christmas day

43 replies

4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 17:51

This is my first proper normal Christmas with two small children (nearly 5 and 2). Last year was very quiet due to covid obviously and we didn’t have a roast as we had a 1 year old and couldn’t be bothered so had lasagna Blush.
This year we had the usual traditional Christmas, grandparents staying, aunts and uncles round for lunch. 3 days of guests and finally on our own today and reflecting. It was LOVELY to have the family together and I’m so grateful we dodged the dreaded C. We hosted which we love doing and my family were v helpful however I imagine it was very overwhelming for the kids.

Eldest DC was up at 5:30 super excited FC had been (so cute). They loved their stockings and were very happy with their main presents downstairs. However later in the day they were given presents by family members and a few times our eldest was clearly envious of the younger DCs present. She always said thank you but, for example they were both given pyjamas, youngest got some fairy ones and eldest were Gruffalo. I could see her looking at the fairy ones (she loves fairies) and then she went quiet and disappeared off (loads of people doing gifts so I didn’t notice for while!). I went up and she was having a little cry to herself so we had a cuddle and I asked if she was sad as she wanted the fairy pjs which she was. We talked about being grateful and people trying to choose what they thought the person would like best etc.

She did say thank you and I felt sad for her she went off (I think she was overwhelmed and knackered tbh as this was afternoon) but how do you deal with this at yours? Twice later she got emotional and said things like ‘DC2 always gets nicer presents than me’ or similar. She was very grateful for her presents and has played with them all loads but I want to know how to handle this as she gets older and also in front of gift givers as I don’t want her to appear rude or spoilt (which she isn’t I don’t think)!

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 27/12/2021 18:05

Personally, I would ignore it.

HairyScaryMonster · 27/12/2021 18:09

Bless her, it's fine and understandable to feel jealous, and I think she dealt with it amazingly for 5. Took herself off and didn't make a scene.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2021 18:12

Coping with jealousy and disappointment is part of life. I'd be giving loads of praise for not being rude to the giver, and be clear that she is entitled to her feelings. She is most likely just a bit tired and overwhelmed, but if she continues to feel strongly about the fairy pjs she could add them to a birthday or christmas list for the future.

Before Xmas and birthdays I used to run through the following with my dc to remind them:
What do you do if you get a present you like?
Say thank you.
What do you do if you get a present you don't like?
Say thank you.
What do you do if you get a present you already have?
Say thank you.

DartmoorChef · 27/12/2021 18:12

Ahh she's young and in a years time she will have matured enough to be able to deal with her emotions although she sounds like a lovely thoughtful kid , at 5 my nephew would definitely have been more vocal in front of everyone 🙄🤣

AutumnLeaves21 · 27/12/2021 18:17

I didn’t realise how young she was when I first read this, but at 4 she’s dealt with this fantastically, well done OP. All I’d suggest is don’t give her too much fuss/attention, I’d be keen to avoid her feeling it’s justified to sulk when she’s got perfectly lovely and equal gifts to get sister. Brush over it, divert her towards he other gifts.

CommanderBurnham · 27/12/2021 18:21

Awwww. She coped admirably considering she had an early start and all that fuss around her. You did all the right things. Maybe explain to her that there will be times when your sister wants things you have, it's life.

Or you could suggest she buys some with her Christmas money, or put it on her birthday list?

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 18:23

She coped with that so well

Kanaloa · 27/12/2021 18:24

To be honest I don’t think it really needs dealt with? I wouldn’t be making a fuss or appearing overly sad about it or anything. If she said twice ‘sister always gets better presents than me’ I’d just say ‘oh I’m sorry you feel like that, I picked big girl presents I thought you would like.’ With the pjs I would have just said ‘oh you like the fairy ones? Oh well it’s lucky to have new pyjamas to wear anyway!’

Sometimes I think making a big sad oh I know you don’t like them but let’s be polite fuss just keeps it going.

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 18:32

Do you do Christmas lists? Could she maybe write general things she likes too? It can be hard when gift buying. But if I knew DSC1 liked unicorns and pandas say it would make it so much easier.

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/12/2021 18:35

I wouldn't worry about this at all. She is 5, it was a massively busy day. I'd be tempted next year to let people know what her favourite things are.

Chasingaftermidnight · 27/12/2021 18:38

I think she dealt with it amazingly well for her age!

Mogwaimummy · 27/12/2021 18:38

I have two boys with a 2 year age gap. I tend to buy them the same or very similar presents. They have very similar interests and it is just easier to have two of everything. Our families also tend to do the same.

Mogwaimummy · 27/12/2021 18:39

I am one of 3 siblings and my DM still buys us three of the same at Christmas!

Crunched · 27/12/2021 18:46

Brace yourself Op. I can remember at that age my DD1 having to leave the room because she loved the things DD2 was getting and felt tearful. That probably happened until she was about 9. DD's are 26 and 22 now and this Christmas the elder one couldn't understand why my sister had got her a clutch bag and her younger sister a cool Pj set!
As Stompy says, this situation is a fantastic life lesson (and only I picked up on the upset, DD was always polite to the giver).

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 18:46

Ah thanks all she is very sweet and did handle it well for her age. She loves matching with her younger sister (sure that novelty will wear off in a few years 😂) so I may suggest matching pjs etc in future if people ask. Part of me thinks little challenges are a good rehearsal for life though! I didn’t indulge her too much I hope, quick cuddle and back to her toys!

OP posts:
LostForIdeas · 27/12/2021 18:47

I think you had the right answer too.

People give what they think will she will prefer and sometimes, they get it wrong.
What I would gently address is the ‘my sibling always gets the best gifts’
1- because clearly that’s not the case. She vit loads she really enjoyed
2- because I wouldn’t want her to start having that sort of pattern in her mind, with every disappointment read against ‘sibling always gets better gifts’ when it has nothing to do with it iyswim

sirfredfredgeorge · 27/12/2021 18:56

Before Xmas and birthdays I used to run through the following with my dc to remind them:
What do you do if you get a present you like?
Say thank you.
What do you do if you get a present you don't like?
Say thank you.
What do you do if you get a present you already have?
Say thank you

Please don't use this, this only applies to more distant people, close family and very close friends you need to be honest with, tell them truth not lies. It's okay to tell your parent that they made a mistake, and it's more than okay to hear from your child that they made a mistake - it's pretty easy to fix.

Clymene · 27/12/2021 19:01

You still should teach children to say thank you @sirfredfredgeorge, even if they don't like the gift.

'Thank you, it's really kind but it's not my colour/too big/I have one already.'

Thank you is never redundant.

Christinatherabbit · 27/12/2021 19:03

What a sweet little girl. Be proud! Our girls (I have 4 daughters) usually get matching the two older the same then the two younger the same when it comes to things like this

MaskingForIt · 27/12/2021 19:05

Dr Becky on Insta had a good article about preparing for potential sibling rivalry over gifts.

www.instagram.com/p/CX3jH3IhEN_/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

BerthaBlythe · 27/12/2021 19:07

I think she has done brilliantly and you should be very proud of her! She thanked people for her gifts, was able to withdraw when things were too much, is able to express her feelings and process them and confident enough of you to confide in you.

You’ve already done a great job here!

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 19:09

@LostForIdeas that’s the thing I really want to avoid really! She’s only little obviously she won’t want the real little kids toys and she loves her grown up things but of course they get distracted by the little disappointments at that age!

OP posts:
x2boys · 27/12/2021 19:10

Apparently my dad aged two ( he's 80 soon ) got so upset over his older sister ( aged four ) dolls pram on Xmas day ,his mum went out and bought him his own as soon as the shops were open 🤣

LostForIdeas · 27/12/2021 19:16

Tbf I actually did that ONCE with my dcs.
Dc2 was really really distraught at a gift Dc1 got (and he hadn’t - it was dc1 b’day!)

Dc2 cherished that toy for years.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 27/12/2021 19:26

Life is full of disappointments of some form or another. I suppose this is one of her first ones. It’s good that she said thank you. You dealt with it brilliantly, as did she by the sounds of it. I’d take fairy jamas over gruffalo ones any day.

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