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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Small child and gift envy on Christmas day

43 replies

4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 17:51

This is my first proper normal Christmas with two small children (nearly 5 and 2). Last year was very quiet due to covid obviously and we didn’t have a roast as we had a 1 year old and couldn’t be bothered so had lasagna Blush.
This year we had the usual traditional Christmas, grandparents staying, aunts and uncles round for lunch. 3 days of guests and finally on our own today and reflecting. It was LOVELY to have the family together and I’m so grateful we dodged the dreaded C. We hosted which we love doing and my family were v helpful however I imagine it was very overwhelming for the kids.

Eldest DC was up at 5:30 super excited FC had been (so cute). They loved their stockings and were very happy with their main presents downstairs. However later in the day they were given presents by family members and a few times our eldest was clearly envious of the younger DCs present. She always said thank you but, for example they were both given pyjamas, youngest got some fairy ones and eldest were Gruffalo. I could see her looking at the fairy ones (she loves fairies) and then she went quiet and disappeared off (loads of people doing gifts so I didn’t notice for while!). I went up and she was having a little cry to herself so we had a cuddle and I asked if she was sad as she wanted the fairy pjs which she was. We talked about being grateful and people trying to choose what they thought the person would like best etc.

She did say thank you and I felt sad for her she went off (I think she was overwhelmed and knackered tbh as this was afternoon) but how do you deal with this at yours? Twice later she got emotional and said things like ‘DC2 always gets nicer presents than me’ or similar. She was very grateful for her presents and has played with them all loads but I want to know how to handle this as she gets older and also in front of gift givers as I don’t want her to appear rude or spoilt (which she isn’t I don’t think)!

OP posts:
Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 19:29

Thank you @BerthaBlythe 💕

OP posts:
Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 19:30

And to everyone saying I did well I appreciate it the support!

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WhatScratch · 27/12/2021 19:37

I think she and you got through that pretty well. She took herself off when she was upset, was polite to the gift giver and didn’t throw a tantrum or take it out on her sister. If anyone gave her Christmas money, I’d be googling fairy pjs right now if I were you.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 27/12/2021 19:41

I would explain that there will be times when younger sister is jealous too. And that it's life.

Then I would ignore.

Unfortunately it's a fact of life. Her friends will have better stuff at times. She needs to learn to accept this, feel sad and move on.

Tal45 · 27/12/2021 19:42

Oh bless her, I think it was all handled wonderfully (especially by her!) disappointment at that age can be very hard, but great lessons to learn for the future.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 27/12/2021 19:46

I would also tell people to give the same
Adults do this so I wouldn't worry about.
She's entitled to her feelings you are right to concentrate on the being polite about it side of things

Jjjayfee · 27/12/2021 19:48

Tell her it'spossible to swap the PJ's and that she got gruffa lo because they are for older children?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 27/12/2021 19:49

My dd really wanted a toy ironing board. Would have cost a fiver but I didn't get it. She was really upset Santa hadn't brought it even though he knew she wanted one. Not in a foot stomp way just that he mustn't have really read her letter...
Argos saved Christmas on the 28th when dgm 'found' the missing gift behind the sofa. Many years ago now!
Ime sometimes dc want to be little again!
Maybe 'find' a ten pound note op and suggest she chooses some pj's?

Bunnycat101 · 27/12/2021 19:56

I’ve got the same age gap and the younger one was actually much easier. The 5yo was totally overwhelmed.I do think they will have had such a big build up this year especially as last year was muted. I know so many people who have 5yos who had tears about something on Christmas Day.

I have to say my 5yo would have been upset to get gruffalo pjs if the alternative was fairies. We had a little bit of ‘my sister had more’ but she didn’t. The youngest’s presents just tended to be bigger in size.

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 20:15

@Bunnycat101 ah so glad you had similar! And yes- and often the youngests presents were more obvious (like a doll and a teaset) whereas eldest had Hama beads and drawing stuff which she loved but need a bit of explaining from the box! She’s absolutely fine since then so seems to have moved on. She’s had about 6 pairs of pyjamas so I’m loathe to get her more just to match as I can’t really continue to get her the same pressie as the youngest but I might read the gruffalo a few times in the hole she wants to wear her pjs Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 20:15

Hope not hole!

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Just10moreminutesplease · 27/12/2021 20:18

This is why I always get siblings who are close in age the same presents! (unless their parents ask for something in particular).

Xmas can be overwhelming when you’re little. I think you handled it perfectly.

Original poster
4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/12/2021 20:29

@Just10moreminutesplease I would never have thought of anything like this pre kids but I will 100% be doing the same for any gifts for siblings in future!

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Toucan123 · 27/12/2021 20:30

Your daughter sounds lovely and actually very mature. For a 4 year old I think she handled her disappointment really well, especially the remembering to say thank you for her presents!

LadyCatStark · 27/12/2021 20:32

Awww you both handled it very well. Does she have any Christmas money that she could use to buy the fairy pyjamas? She’ll either have them to enjoy or realise that she’s not that bothered about them in the first place 😂.

KimmyKimdoo · 27/12/2021 20:38

With my two (similar age) I jut say something like “oh yes but the fairy ones are too small for you. They fit your little sister, she’s small and the pyjamas are small too. You have lovely big girl pyjamas that fit you perfectly. How lovely and cosy!” That sort of thing to remind them how nice their own are.

Onesnowynight · 27/12/2021 20:41

Bless her. She’s at that age where her presents are starting to be older e.g 5-7, 5-10 and need putting together, instructions read. Where as littles can be played with immediately. Personality as an adult if someone bought me gruffulo and a friend fairies- I’d want the pink fairies! Lol
She handled it extremely well by not making a scene. Maybe you could suggest using any Christmas money to buy a fairy t-shirt as she has enough pj’s. Look for one on line together- some special time searching!

GreetingsAndSalutations · 27/12/2021 20:51

I think how you handled it was just fine. Good for her for expressing herself well- she took herself off for a while, she was tearful but managed to properly explain what was upsetting her and she was well mannered and said thank you for her presents.

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