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Original poster

To expect my child not to swear at me?!

38 replies

UserError012345 · 27/12/2021 16:36

My DD9 on occasion swears. I correct it and reinforce that we know the words but don't use.

I dont swear as a rule.

Today she has sworn at me calling me a 'stupid bitch'.

Thoughts please........

OP posts:
itsjustnotok · 27/12/2021 16:38

I’d be livid OP. I won’t tolerate my DD’s speaking to me like dirt let alone swear. Not acceptable at all and I’d be looking at what you’re doing to correct it, if she carries on it’s got the potential to get worse.

icedcoffees · 27/12/2021 16:40

Has she ever heard another adult say things like that to you?

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2021 16:41

If my child called me that, no matter what their age, they’d be grounded for life!
My dd once called me a cow when she was about 15 because I wouldn’t let her go to an all night party. She sang allowed out for a month. She told me (as an adult) that she knew she was in deep trouble as soon as the word left her mouth, and she was mortified with herself.

Hellocatshome · 27/12/2021 16:41

I dont think it even matters really that it is a swear word what really matters is the intent behind it and she did it to anger and upset you and be disrespectful this is the bit that would matter to me.

takenforgrantednana · 27/12/2021 16:42

9 minutes sat on the floor facing the wall will give her plenty of time to reassess her thoughts about you! set a timer though if she moves or calls you more swear words then the timer restarts, be consistant, its something you need to do every single time she calls you anything that is disrespectful

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 27/12/2021 16:43

Unacceptable. I'd be livid. I have a 13yr old and would ground her if she dared speak to me that way.
I say you need to address it now before she is older.

Original poster
UserError012345 · 27/12/2021 16:43

@icedcoffees

Has she ever heard another adult say things like that to you?
No she hasn't.

But you are right to question the origin and whether she's repeating it.

OP posts:
StarryNightSky26 · 27/12/2021 16:44

Thoughts?

My eldest two are 11 and 13 and they wouldn't see the light of day, except for school, for a month. Plus a complete ban of all phones, TV and tech.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 27/12/2021 16:45

@takenforgrantednana

9 minutes sat on the floor facing the wall will give her plenty of time to reassess her thoughts about you! set a timer though if she moves or calls you more swear words then the timer restarts, be consistant, its something you need to do every single time she calls you anything that is disrespectful
Thats wierd
Georgeskitchen · 27/12/2021 16:45

If I had spoken to my parents like that (I once did) I wouldn't have sat down for a week (I didnt)

WallopBang · 27/12/2021 16:49

I'm not excusing the swearing, and think no child should be using such words but what happened in the lead up to her calling you a stupid bitch?

TragoCardboardCopper · 27/12/2021 16:49

@Soontobe60

If my child called me that, no matter what their age, they’d be grounded for life! My dd once called me a cow when she was about 15 because I wouldn’t let her go to an all night party. She sang allowed out for a month. She told me (as an adult) that she knew she was in deep trouble as soon as the word left her mouth, and she was mortified with herself.
Yep. I vividly remember the day I called DM a 'bitch'. I was 13. Like your DD, as soon as the word left my mouth I would have done anything to be able to shove it back in!

I know I was 13, because DM said 'if someone told me the day you were born, that at 13 you'd call me a bitch I wouldn't have believed them'.

My DPs smacked us as kids, never actually hurt us, it was the embarrassment factor that was the main deterrent. (not saying it was right, just giving context) But that day, she looked at me for a minute, said the quote above, then told me to go to my room. Deadly calm. I went to my room, felt horrendously guilty for what felt like hours, and eventually crept down and apologised. I don't know if there were any other sanctions, but the worst punishment was knowing I had hurt her and had gone so far that she wasn't even angry, just really hurt.

I don't even know what it was about, something bloody stupid no doubt.

Sunset999 · 27/12/2021 16:50

Unacceptable ! My teens have never sworn like that at me let alone at 9. She would have all her favourite things removed and would not be returned until she learnt respect!

purpleme12 · 27/12/2021 16:50

Have you given a consequence for this?

BogRollBOGOF · 27/12/2021 16:54

I'd issue a 24 hour screen ban for it, but I'd also want to know what's been going on to trigger that behaviour.

DS (8) gets surly and rude when he's unhappy about things (but not sweary although he does know swear words). He's calmed down now its the holidays but his attitude was showing the fruits of quite an unsettled half term with various changes of plans. I keep the talking about it seperate to dealing with the consequence so we can have a calm chat about it.

Original poster
UserError012345 · 27/12/2021 16:58

Possibly undiagnosed SEN but that's just my hunch.

She came in from playing outside and said she was going to FT her Dad (we're separated - many years. I said she could do it in her room and well you know the rest.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 27/12/2021 17:00

@WallopBang

I'm not excusing the swearing, and think no child should be using such words but what happened in the lead up to her calling you a stupid bitch?
So yes, you are excusing it.
Fundays12 · 27/12/2021 17:04

My DS nearly 10 did this to me last month and had his iPad banned for a month. He was grounded for the day and had his TV removed for a week. Please don't tolerate this behaviour or it will continue

Tulips21 · 27/12/2021 17:05

My Dc have'nt and I'm pretty sure, would'nt ever say this infront of me, let alone toward me.
They know they would be grounded for a v.long time if they dared!!

I'd say she has heard this from someone.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 27/12/2021 17:05

At 9 she doesn't need a mobile phone...

Original poster
UserError012345 · 27/12/2021 17:06

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

At 9 she doesn't need a mobile phone...
She doesn't have one. It was from my iPad.
OP posts:
mbosnz · 27/12/2021 17:06

Mine would have been told to go to their room, very, very quietly, all tech' to be handed to me, and to stay in there until I thought it was safe for her to come out. And warned that could be a fair while.

filka · 27/12/2021 17:08

@Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark"9 minutes sat on the floor facing the wall "
"Thats wierd"

That's naughty corner, one minute per year of age, as taught by SuperNanny Jo Frost about 10 years ago.

GrazingSheep · 27/12/2021 17:08

If I had spoken to my parents like that (I once did) I wouldn't have sat down for a week (I didnt)

Thankfully beating children is illegal now.

purpleme12 · 27/12/2021 17:09

None of these go to your rooms would work with my child
She's so stubborn she wouldn't go wish she would
I always have to find something else with her