To want the house to myself occasionally?

Paperskies · 2021-12-27T11:00:58+00:00

I love them, I really do … but noise (DH has to have TV or radio on) smells, constant questions - where is this, have you seen that, what is this (it’s an orange, I mean, did you actually need to ask me that?!) I was single and on my own for years before I met DH so I do need to be careful what I wish for but I crave solitude and silence so much!

LittleRoundRobin · 27/12/2021 11:20

YANBU, but it's never going to improve, unless you can get him to get more outside hobbies, or a job where he's away for 3 days of the week.

Do you have kids? You never said.

Also, be prepared for the 'it's HIS house too OP' and 'why don't YOU go out and leave HIM some time to himself' type comments.

I can't stand it when DH is at home all the time tbh. As much as I love him, he drives me batty when he's at home 24/7. He never goes out without me, he keeps asking questions, he follows me about everywhere, and he dominates the TV. He is back at work today after 10 days off. BLISS

I know people will say I am talking shit but this is JMO... Men should not be hanging around the house all day. They should be at work, or doing outside hobbies. When men are IN all the time, they can be very irritating. DH is fine sometimes, and can be good company and a good laugh, but as I say, when he's off work and in the house 24/7, he's hard work.

Weirdly, men tend to spend more time OUT of the house when the kids are smaller, or when they are teenagers (as they're more hard work.) When the kids have left home, you can't get the men out of the house! IME and that of some women I know.

Original poster

Paperskies · 27/12/2021 11:22

We do have kids, yeah. He has the house to himself on a reasonably regular basis but I literally never do which feels a bit unfair, but the problem is he doesn’t see it as a problem!

OP posts:

ouchmyfeet · 27/12/2021 11:26

YANBU at all. This has been the hardest part of the last two years for me. I have an active social life, I enjoy seeing people, but I do love a bit of time on my own. My DH gets time on his own when I am out and about. He doesn't generally leave the house by choice, he doesn't socialise, he's perfectly happy at home. Pre pandemic we both worked mostly in offices, with some home working days. Until I lost them, I had no idea how much I needed those couple of days a week where kids are out at school and he was in the office.

I don't know what the solution is to be honest. I don't want to kick him out of his home but I do need to be alone sometimes.

blueflowersinthesnow · 27/12/2021 11:29

Not unreasonable at all. Although I do find this feeling is always worse at this time of the year. We've got both kids at home, MIL staying for 2 weeks, my family visiting for 3 days, and DH is WFH.

They're all driving me slightly mad and right now I could happily go and check into a hotel on my own for a night or two.

Seeline · 27/12/2021 11:29

I get it. DH has been working from home for the whole of the pandemic. He'd just started going into the office for the odd day when Omicron arrived so that's it for now. He has no hobbies, and doesn't go out with friends. My kids are older now - one at uni when not in lockdown, but it's usually me that takes them places, activities, friends etc. I've worked from home as a consultant since the kids started school, and don't have an office to go to I do have hobbies, so DH does have the house to himself. I think I've been on my own possibly 5 days in the last 22 months.

Original poster

Paperskies · 27/12/2021 11:30

DH works from home too. He’d just started to go back one day a week but then that stopped again! I am now resigned to the fact I am stuck with him!

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 27/12/2021 11:33

Yes, I think lockdown has amplified this problem.
My DH used to work varied shifts, which sometimes meant I was by myself with 3 small children for days at a time, but also that I got some time to myself after they had gone to bed.
Now the DC are grown-up, but still living at home, and in lockdown he worked from home for a year. I never got time alone.
Now he's back at work , doing more reasonable hours and it's quite a nice balance.

amnm · 27/12/2021 11:55

Why not book into a hotel for a night or two (if you can afford it).

Original poster

Paperskies · 27/12/2021 11:56

But that’s not having the house to myself … plus it’s very expensive

OP posts:

FindingMeno · 27/12/2021 11:57

Yanbu.
Some of us need regular periods of solitude to function.

LittleRoundRobin · 27/12/2021 16:55

@Paperskies

But that’s not having the house to myself … plus it’s very expensive

Yeah this. If/when I want more time to myself, I don't want to and book myself into a bloody dreary Travelodge for 2 days! I want the time to myself in my OWN HOME.

Like a number of other posters, I get out and about with friends, and pop to see family, but DH has no friends, or hobbies outside the house, or any family except me and our 2 adult DC.

So he NEVER goes out without me - ever. So when he is not at work, (lockdown/off sick etc,) I get NO TIME to myself. He gets up when I get up and goes to bed when I go. It can be very wearing. I am SO pleased he has a job that cannot be done from home. I would have lost my sanity if he had spent the last 2 years at home. (Working from home...)

No wonder many women become very depressed when their husbands retire. And why do so many men (when they are 50+) have no friends or outside hobbies these days? I see lots of posts on here - and other forums, from women complaining their DH has retired or finished work, and she can't get him out of the house. SHE goes out alone, and meets friends, take part in hobbies etc, but HE never moves off the bloody couch.

My dad, and my uncles, and the men of their generation (born pre 1940s,) were very active with their hobbies and interests when they were 50-55+. Dominos, darts, snooker, pool, cricket, football, bowling, cycling, golf, walking, running, cars and motorbikes (rallies and collectible car groups,) etc, etc...

Now, many men (50+) just seem to languish in the house, in their dressing gown of doom, moaning about everything, rarely lifting a finger in the house, and refusing to take part in anything because they can't be arsed. They prefer to just sit in their armchair with the TV remote-control welded to their hand, watching the news 5 times a day, and moaning about everything.

olivo · 27/12/2021 16:59

I agree. I am a teacher so I always have the children off school with me. Plus DH gets a generous holiday allocation so is often around. I crave time alone.

Sunset999 · 27/12/2021 16:59

Omg i dream of having the house to myself one day, even a few hours would be nice..............

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/12/2021 17:01

Does he never take the kids anywhere himself? My dh will take ours out on walks or to the pool at some point most weekends.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/12/2021 17:03

I love having the house to myself. Absolutely love it. I love my family too but there’s nothing like the peace of just being by yourself in your own home.

CookPassBabtridge · 27/12/2021 17:04

I've just seperated recently and forgot how much I need time to myself, my own space, the house the way I like it.. for true inner peace. I love it. I can choose when I have company. And ex DP was very easy to live with (I'm very easy going though) so doubt I'd want to live with another man (or any other adult) again as chances are they'd be more difficult to live with.

5thnonblonde · 27/12/2021 17:04

YANBU I love the house to myself, as Pps note going out to be alone away from home isn’t the same! DH ran upstairs to find me and ask me where we kept the ice cream ffs. I didn’t mean to be blunt but I mean, take a wild fucking guess…

MasterBeth · 27/12/2021 17:05

Smells?

Comedycook · 27/12/2021 17:06

I love having the house to myself! I was miserable living alone though!

LittleRoundRobin · 27/12/2021 17:08

@Comedycook

I love having the house to myself! I was miserable living alone though!

Oh I would HATE to be alone permanently. I know it suits some, but it wouldn't suit me. I want DH to leave the house without me more often, but I would not want him gone for good.

PiecesOfString · 27/12/2021 17:12

I hear you OP!
My husband has worked from home since first lockdown. It's been made permanent now as the team has done so well out of the office, apparently. I was used to him being out of the house for long days prior to that.
I still work out of the home, and rarely get time to myself when I'm in it. He's lovely, and I adore him, but I so badly crave time here without him.
Today he is in fact out watching football, and it's been lovely just doing my own thing.
I agree with much of what @LittleRoundRobin
has said in fact. My ex would often make himself scarce when the children were little - that's an interesting point.
Now they've grown up and I'm on second marriage, very happily, but I love it when he goes out and gives me a chance to be alone at home.

AnneElliott · 27/12/2021 17:13

I get you op! I need time alone in the house and H just can't see it! I have hobbies and friends etc but he doesn't. Thankfully his job does take him out one or twice a week but he's just so happy to sit there on the sofa all day - day after day!

FIL is the same - he retired at 50 and has literally not done a thing since!!!!

KatherineofGaunt · 27/12/2021 17:17

I'm with you, OP. I work 3 days a week and toddler is at nursery, so DH gets 3 days without anyone at home. Then, when I'm home, toddler isn't at nursery and only occasionally does DH take him anywhere. It means I'm either at work or at home with DH and toddler. Very draining. I wish DH had a job out of the house a couple of days a week and toddler could go to nursery at least one of those days. A day to myself alone in the house each week sounds like fucking BLISS!

LittleRoundRobin · 27/12/2021 17:19

@AnneElliott

I get you op! I need time alone in the house and H just can't see it! I have hobbies and friends etc but he doesn't. Thankfully his job does take him out one or twice a week but he's just so happy to sit there on the sofa all day - day after day!

FIL is the same - he retired at 50 and has literally not done a thing since!!!!

Yep. This. ^

LittleRoundRobin · 27/12/2021 17:20

@5thnonblonde

DH ran upstairs to find me and ask me where we kept the ice cream ffs. I didn’t mean to be blunt but I mean, take a wild fucking guess.

LOL!

This does my head in too. 'Have you seen this, have you seen that,' JUST LOOK! HE NEVER FUCKING LOOKS! And 'what we having for tea?' and 'what time's tea?' He's useless sometimes. Honestly MEN!

He has this habit some days too, of hanging around like a fucking fly when I am busy/doing chores/cooking, and just following me around. No matter HOW many times I say 'I am busy,' he STILL does it.

When I ignore him and just grunt, he says 'I get the hint, you don't want me in here coz I'm annoying you!' I say 'yes please leave. I am busy in the kitchen.' He KNOWS he annoys me when he hangs around me when I'm busy, and yet he still does it time after time after time.............! WHY?????????