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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reality check

28 replies

ottermadness · 27/12/2021 10:19

I’m an adult and have my own children. Eldest is 7. My stepmum has just announced on fb that she is ‘going to be a nanna’. At least it isn’t my dad but I’m still feeling hurt, AIBU? Need a reality check that this isn’t actually important please mumsnet.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/12/2021 10:19

Huh?

Notimeforaname · 27/12/2021 10:21

Your step mum is going to have a grandchild? Whats the problem? Because she doesnt view your children as her granchildren? Is that it ?

Dozer · 27/12/2021 10:22

Was she your stepmum when you were a child?

SleighbellsZ · 27/12/2021 10:24

Do you mean she's saying she's going to be nana for the first time?
How long has she been in your life?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 27/12/2021 10:26

Do your children call her nana? Do you view her as a mother figure? So much depends on the back story here.

BatshitBanshee · 27/12/2021 10:26

I'm guessing one of her DC is having a baby? So she is going to be a grandmother? And your nose is out of joint because she apparently doesn't see herself as a grandmother already to your children? 1) have you ever referred to her as their nana to her face? And 2) she's obviously excited so don't ruin this for her or make an issue out of it because it isn't about you, don't be that person.

CorrBlimeyGG · 27/12/2021 10:27

People are allowed more than one grandchild.

Original poster
ottermadness · 27/12/2021 10:29

Backstory: known her since I was 2, I’m 30+ now. My children already call her nanna but haven’t seen her or my dad since Covid. In fact they haven’t met my youngest (lockdown baby). I haven’t said anything and probably won’t, I never do.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/12/2021 10:34

Yea I cant see the problem. Shes having her first grandchild. It's not about you.

melj1213 · 27/12/2021 10:36

YABU - you refer to her as your stepmother, making that distinction between your biological mum and her, so why can't she make the same distinction?

She currently has step grandchildren but if one of her biological children is having their own child then she is becoming a biological grandparent for the first time, she should be allowed to celebrate that.

That doesn't mean that she cares any less for you or your children, but she is not your mother and so she is going to have different relationships with you and your children to her own DC and DGC, that doesn't mean they are lesser relationships, just different

skellingtonboot · 27/12/2021 10:36

She has stated a true fact on FB.

What's the problem with that?

MorningStarling · 27/12/2021 10:39

I think it just means her biological children are having children of their own. You're not related to her by blood, neither are your children, so they're not "her" grandchildren. It doesn't mean she dislikes them or anything, just that she's happy to have grandchildren of her own on the way.

Bethany7 · 27/12/2021 10:41

I understand what you are saying OP and that you would feel hurt by that.
Try to move on though for your own sake and don't let it upset you if you can.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 27/12/2021 10:51

I can understand why this hurts and I would be tempted to reply - I thought you already were lol?! My dh is stepfather to my sons since they were 1/2 yrs and his mum has always called them her grandchildren. Do you think covid had caused this distance between you?

yourestandingonmyneck · 27/12/2021 10:57

Oh for goodness sake, some of these replies 🙄

This woman has been in OP's life since she was 2. Of course this is an insensitive comment.

OP, yes, they will be blood descendants and yours aren't so in that way, yes, there is a distinction. But there was no need to broadcast this on social media. I can see why that was hurtful. There are other ways she could have phrased it.

She was maybe just overexcited. But really there is nothing to be said / done about this. I wonder how she treats your kids overall? If she's good to them, just put this down to a badly worded social media post due to over excitement.

Notimeforaname · 27/12/2021 11:01

Hopefully you get to a place where this doesn't bother you. Because it could start years of you feeling upset and comparing new babies gifts etc with ones your children recieved.

And ...As a pp pointed out, you referred to her as 'step mum' and not mum. So shes referring to this new baby as her 'grandchild' pretty standard and normal.

Fairyliz · 27/12/2021 11:03

Are you saying your children haven’t seen her since the start of lockdown so 21 months? Do they live abroad?
It’s sad but if grandchildren live a long way away and her own children live closer I think it’s a natural thing to say.

BeneficiaryMadness · 27/12/2021 11:05

She was just announcing another Grandchild surely?
Unless she posted ‘I’m going to be a baby
Nana for the first time’ I can’t see the problem

PurpleDaisies · 27/12/2021 11:06

What on earth has she done wrong?

3scape · 27/12/2021 11:10

Has this sudden coldness come since Covid or has she never been that interested in your children?

Original poster
ottermadness · 27/12/2021 11:19

With respect, I have to refer to her as stepmum to make the context clear. My post would be pretty confused if I wrote mum. I also get that there is a distinction, but she’s been in my family since I was little.
The post certainly reads like ‘first-time’ nanna and the comments are all- you and (my dad) will make wonderful grandparents.

OP posts:
BobMortimersPetOwl · 27/12/2021 15:06

But she is a first time nanna, as your children aren't her grandchildren.

Are you even especially close if you haven't seen her or your father since before lockdown??

Theunamedcat · 27/12/2021 15:10

That will hurt im so sorry

BobbieT1999 · 27/12/2021 15:10

I'm sorry op, I understand why you're so hurt Flowers

Original poster
ottermadness · 27/12/2021 15:45

She asked to be called nanna when mine were born 🤷🏻‍♀️, and as far as I know she has been.

Re: lockdown. A product of circumstances, we’ve all had Covid at one time or another (or more) and there have been losses in the family that have meant meet ups have been cancelled. We live about 3hrs apart.

Feels shit, but I do get it from her perspective, I/we are not the ‘real’ family, but it could have been put differently on fb.

OP posts: