Page 3 | to ask if your partner didn’t get you anything for Christmas?

Merryoldgoat · 2021-12-26T19:02:50+00:00

Can I ask the people whose partners bought them nothing for Christmas what the reason was? Lack of funds? Lack of effort? Prior agreement not to buy gift? Did you also not buy them anything? Was it expected or unexpected?

Warmhandscoldheart · 26/12/2021 22:12

We stopped buying each other any presents several years ago. I'd brought him tickets to see his favourite musical and he'd brought me a Body Shop basket. It wasn't about the difference in money spent which annoyed me but the generic no thought gift.

MrsBob · 26/12/2021 22:56

No gifts here either. We never do. We try to get a night away or two somewhere close to Xmas and birthdays. Nice hotel, meals out and cocktails. We have 4 DC so would prefer to spend any money on a nice time together, rather than random gifts.

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 26/12/2021 23:05

DH and I haven't done Xmas gifts for each other for years. It's just such an expensive time and we have so many others to buy for that it takes the pressure off both of us.

minimadgirl · 26/12/2021 23:17

He just didn't buy anyone anything, declared we didn't tell him what we wanted. Not sure my non verbal 19 month old has to ability to tell him what she wanted.
Yes I'm upset, but not because he didn't buy me anything, but because he didn't even get me anything from the kids, not even a bar of chocolate.
My entire Christmas pile was a total of a pair of socks from anyone. I'm seriously not joking.

Lime37 · 26/12/2021 23:18

No gift, I didn’t buy him either.
Not lack of funds but lack of time we have been expanding our bussiness and been working non stop.
Also we are going away next week and we had previous said we will both buy each other sun glasses at the airport as we both need.

SequinnedShawl · 26/12/2021 23:20

He picked a fight on Christmas Eve so he could ignore me all over Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 26/12/2021 23:23

No, by mutual agreement. A few pressies for DD and a nice family meal with crackers and plentiful fart accusations, perfect.

huuskymam · 26/12/2021 23:24

We don't do gifts for each other, we would have a weekend away in January or February instead. So much more preferable.

Ijustneedtosleep21 · 26/12/2021 23:29

We agreed not to do gifts as we don't need anything and felt with me on maternity it was money that didn't need to be spent. He did try & 'sneak out' or arrange to go and get me things more so for our DC's to give me but as he has been working away I got a bit annoyed (sounds ungrateful) as he had a couple of days off work and it would be more beneficial to me to have him around and helping not out buying me things I don't need

Mooloolabababy · 27/12/2021 00:33

@SequinnedShawl

He picked a fight on Christmas Eve so he could ignore me all over Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

That's really, really sad. I'd be taking steps to make sure that never happened again.

Redact · 27/12/2021 00:51

My dh just got home from working abroad on Christmas Eve. He rarely ever buys presents for anyone, not just me, he can't see the point. He never wants anything for himself either and always says don't buy anything for him. I buy what I want for myself and I buy all the presents for DC and dh's family too. Thankfully my eldest ds is the complete opposite of his ddad and is a very thoughtful gift buyer.

longcoffeebreak · 27/12/2021 01:00

Jeez you people are a different (more mature) breed of person to me. I'd be sooo upset to be without a present from my a partner or kids at Christmas.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2021 01:10

@longcoffeebreak

I’m the same as you - over the years we’ve had budgets ranging from £20 to a few hundred and we’ve always found things the other would like.

@minimadgirl that would upset me a lot - if he just didn’t bother I’d feel like I just wasn’t worth the time.

@SequinnedShawl that would be the end for me. I saw my mum and her partner do that to each other for years and it was awful.

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longcoffeebreak · 27/12/2021 01:13

Yeah even if you are short of time or money it's not hard to get someone a thoughtful gift that shows you know what they like and care
enough to sort it out.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2021 01:21

My sons’ school does a little secret Santa so they get to choose two gifts for a £5 and it’s really nice for them to choose a little gift without our input at all.

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liliainterfrutices · 27/12/2021 01:22

He said he thought we’d agreed not to, which I don’t think we did. But he is a sweet, kind man and panics about presents and hates getting anything himself, though I did buy him a book. I do mind. I absolutely love presents and am v low maintenance I think. I’m happy with a secondhand book and some cheap chocolate, but want the excitement of a present to unwrap. He hates getting birthday presents too. Next year I’m going to buy and wrap myself something small every month so I get a stocking.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/12/2021 01:37

We sometimes get each other something, most of the time dont. Sometimes I'll see something and get it for him and very rarely he does too, but he is not a great present giver.

We dont need one or two days of the year to define our relationship.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2021 01:52

@WeAllHaveWings

I totally get that a day doesn’t define a relationship, and I asked the question because I was trying to get a feel for what was going on.

It’s one thing to be as you and your partner are, it’s quite another to have run around buying gifts for everyone including them and to receive nothing because they couldn’t be bothered is quite another.

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PanettoneSeason · 27/12/2021 02:06

No gifts for us either. Prior agreement. We do nice birthday gifts for each other but have never done Christmas in the 12 years we’ve been together. We both work a lot at this time of year so sometimes we’ll take the same week off in January and book a couple of days away somewhere and call that our Christmas present but we don’t bother with physical gifts 😊

Saoirse82 · 27/12/2021 02:38

No gift. Prior agreement. We haven't really done gifts since we were married 9 years ago and it was a December wedding. Sometimes he'll get me something but I was adamant this year not to buy. Neither of us are that bothered about presents and it all comes out of the same pocket anyway. We're both spenders as well so we tend to buy throughout the year. We've just had a baby though so will likely have to tighten the purse strings.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/12/2021 14:35

[quote Merryoldgoat]@WeAllHaveWings

I totally get that a day doesn’t define a relationship, and I asked the question because I was trying to get a feel for what was going on.

It’s one thing to be as you and your partner are, it’s quite another to have run around buying gifts for everyone including them and to receive nothing because they couldn’t be bothered is quite another.[/quote]
Why do you "have to" run around buying gifts for everyone? Some people love present shopping, don't do it if you resent it.

Let him buy for his own family and share buying for your own dc together. Or find another way to split the load at Christmas.

Original poster

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2021 14:42

@WeAllHaveWings

I was talking more in the abstract really. I think that if you are in a family where gift giving is the norm and therefore lots of presents have been bought it’s really awful not to have received anything from your partner.

I tend to do the shopping personally because I work PT and I enjoy it, but I do it all online and only buy for PIL, siblings and children. It’s not a big effort. Therefore I don’t think it’s a big effort to expect a partner to buy one gift in that scenario.

As I said earlier it’s totally different if agreed prior (for lots of reasons) or if funds don’t allow.

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GenderCriticalTrumpets · 27/12/2021 14:45

No gifts from DH which we agreed due to lack of money. Neither of us mind and will make it up to each other eventually.

givemepiece · 27/12/2021 14:56

No gift this year, first year since we've been together (10yrs)
I got him something
He claims he got something but it's been delayed but I can tell that's just because he felt bad
He earns really well but loses a lot of money gambling
We've had a shit year so I was disappointed but not upset really, I was half expecting it.