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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if your partner didn’t get you anything for Christmas?

74 replies

Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2021 19:02

Can I ask the people whose partners bought them nothing for Christmas what the reason was?

Lack of funds?
Lack of effort?
Prior agreement not to buy gift?
Did you also not buy them anything?
Was it expected or unexpected?

OP posts:
canichange · 26/12/2021 19:37

Prior agreement, for no particular reason other than we just buy what we want when we want it, so presents end up being buying something for the sake of buying it. No money problems, but neither of us are particularly materialistic so we just don't bother.

MrsDThomas · 26/12/2021 19:39

As I mentioned in another thread, we’ve been together for 30 years and we have never bought each other Christmas/birthdays. Don’t want anything. If i do, i buy it myself. He does the same.

On that thread it appears that others have a problem with it. We don’t.

AWellReadWoman · 26/12/2021 19:39

Prior agreement. Would rather spend the money on our 3 yr old son. If we both wanted something we'd just buy it ourselves anyway. We'll have a nice meal together in the new year instead, current situation allowing.

Stuffin · 26/12/2021 19:43

Prior agreement.

We buy what we want when we want it. Buying presents at Christmas became a chore and ended up with us both buying stuff just because of the pressure of having a gift. We decided we would dine out as a present instead over Christmas.

willithappen · 26/12/2021 19:43

No gift this year but I did get money
Partner was stuck on what to get me and I didn't give much help this year tbh.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and all I can think about is baby coming so couldn't even give him suggestions on what to get me tbh

DaisyDozyDee · 26/12/2021 19:50

Lack of effort really. It was expected, and there were mitigating factors, so I’m not annoyed. He’d also recently managed some very thoughtful birthday gifts that I genuinely love. I bought myself some lovely things for Christmas. It’s all shared money anyway.

Buddhabowl · 26/12/2021 19:54

Prior agreement. We share all our money and if we want things we buy them during the year. We both receive presents from my parents and brother/SIL so still have things to open on Christmas day. We feel we have so many other presents to buy and things to think of in the lead up to Christmas, I honestly feel like the gift of 'not having to buy another present' is the best gift he can give me and he knows how stressful I find it.
I lo
This year DH did actually get me a book he thought I'd like and some Lush creams which was really sweet but he genuinely doesn't want anything in return, he likes buying his own things and doesn't like token style gifts or chocolates/booze gifts.

ThatScottishLass · 26/12/2021 19:56

Lack of time and we didn't buy each other gifts this year. Might do for the epiphany though since I've now thought of something. Nothing big mind you.

We're not big on gifts and often agree to spend the money on a Michelin star dinner or a long weekend instead

YouPutTheScrewInTheTuna · 26/12/2021 19:59

Normally we do, but by prior arrangement this year we just gave each other small gifts from DD to open (she's 2 so didn't have much chance getting them herself yet!) Reason is as we are saving money as I'm about to open a new business and want to have as much cash in the bank as possible before I leave my current job!

umpahlumpahstickitupyourjumpah · 26/12/2021 19:59

We decided in advance to do stockings only, so 'silly' presents. We both got something to enjoy in the post-Christmas days eg a face mask (cream, not covid) and didn't have the worry of 'what do you buy someone who is really hard to buy for?'.

Money not an issue. Not meanness or lack of time.

blissfulllife · 26/12/2021 19:59

My dh and I have had many years when our dc were growing up when we couldn't afford to buy each other anything. We'd do something special for each instead like a candle lit bubble bath (for me) or I'd get his favourite snacks and he'd have gaming night lol.

Now we have spare cash we love to buy each other gifts. He's always so thoughtful about what he buys me. It means a lot x

LincolnshireLassInLondon · 26/12/2021 20:06

Prior agreement.

We are very fortunate in that we are reasonably materially comfortable and we already have more than we need. Neither of us gets excited by stuff or enjoys shopping and since having DS and both working from home, we are short on space to put new things. We also both hate waste of any kind.

We do other nice things for each other - it's not a lack of effort. We take a lot of time and effort buying or making thoughtful cards. We have lovely food over Christmas and we have some days out planned between Christmas and New Year.

It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

Squeezyhug · 26/12/2021 20:11

We spent a lot of money on joint hobby during the summer so we agreed on small token gift at Christmas ... about £20 budget.
Also we feel whole point of xmas is spending time with loved ones, enjoying good food and doing things we like.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2021 20:14

It seems like the majority (certainly on this thread) do so by prior agreement which is good to hear.

I saw a few threads where a poster had not had anything and seemed upset and it made me sad and reminded me of my childhood Christmases where my mum never got anything from her arsehole partner.

I’m glad that’s not the reason for you.

I like presents - both buying and receiving - but I am extremely easy to buy for as I have lots of hobbies which require consumable supplies, like candles, flowers, beauty products and stationery.

OP posts:
Onelittleone · 26/12/2021 20:20

Prior agreement. We are just not that bothered about gifts. DH is actually really good at buying me gifts, I am terrible. We say Xmas is for the kids but really itnmakes my life much easier

Floralnomad · 26/12/2021 20:24

My husband and I don’t buy for each other , we don’t do birthday gifts either . We have joint funds and I buy what I want when I want it , he very rarely buys anything . It works well for us , we also now have adult children who buy us plenty .

HangingOutWithTheSandman · 26/12/2021 20:26

We didn’t buy for each other this year as neither of us wanted anything. We just buy what we want whenever we want so no point buying for the sake of it. We gave extra money to a small dog rescue that we love.

DappledThings · 26/12/2021 20:27

Prior agreement. Adults on my side do only charity gifts for each other couple (us, My parents, My brother and his wife) and my parents do the same with their siblings. Brother and SIL give each other gifts. DH and I don't and my parents don't. I would happily still get DH something if he wanted to but I still would want nothing in return. I hate getting presents more than nearly anything else in life.

Fruitandnut2 · 26/12/2021 20:50

We decided not to do gifts this year. We can both easily afford it. Part of that reason was that if we need something we just buy it ourselves. The other part is that we will be buying a investment property in the new year so have been saving hard for that. We're also not massively into buying into consumerism and have no kids so seems pointless really.

Minfilia · 26/12/2021 21:24

No gifts to each other this year. If we want something we just get it for ourselves!

Laziness/being busy on both sides and gift shopping for each other is just an added stress that neither of us needed. So pre agreed and totally expected.

Pretty happy with that decision tbh, it took a lot of the stress out of Christmas and we both still had a nice day. We just got ourselves a nice bottle of champagne and some posh Xmas food for evening and watched a movie and that was way better than opening gifts anyway.

Ohdoleavemealone · 26/12/2021 21:31

Mutual agreement because we are both fed up with receiving useless and unnecessary stuff.

Westerman · 26/12/2021 21:39

We didn't buy presents for each other. Haven't done for a good 10 years or so. I did agree to it but I'd really quite like to exchange gifts. I put a lot of thought into gifts for other people but I know he wouldn't have a clue where to start, so I just let it go. Its the same on birthdays as well.

firstimemamma · 26/12/2021 21:54

We don't buy each other Christmas presents at all and it is what works best for us. It's a pre-arranged thing so it's not like we just 'don't bother' or forget.

  • we don't really like lots of material things
  • our birthdays are in Oct and nov so we buy each other something nice then and then there's nothing else we need
  • saves money
  • don't like buying something for the sake of it
  • more money to spend on ds
MarvEll · 26/12/2021 22:00

We agreed not to. I got him something small from our baby just in case he got me something and he needed them, but obvs I'm not mad he didn't get me anything because that was the plain

TheCreamCaker · 26/12/2021 22:11

We've been married 41 and we don't usually buy each other anything for Christmas and/or birthdays. We've got a joint bank account, and buy our own things as and when we want them - I often buy make-up and clothes. My husband occasionally buys tools or things or lottery tickets. We get lovely presents from our sons.