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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at (awful) photos of me on someone else's social media

66 replies

rugbysport · 26/12/2021 15:35

Sister in law has posted up our pre Christmas meal and has used awful photos of me that I wouldn't have even kept in my camera roll let alone for the social media world to see. She's since removed them at my request and in her opinion they were nice pictures.

We get along very very well so not anything underhand but still really annoyed she put them on.

OP posts:

colourfulpuddles · 26/12/2021 17:47

YABVU. They’re just photos - people know what you look like, and they don’t need your permission to post them.

I wouldn’t have taken them down and I’d have told you you were being ridiculous.

5zeds · 26/12/2021 17:54

Just stop being so vane? My other was/is like this about photos. I followed her lead and as a result I have almost no photos of myself or her. It’s ridiculous.

MiddleParking · 26/12/2021 18:05

I think it’s a bit miserable to project your issues with your own appearance onto your loved ones sharing group pictures of happy times personally, but she’s taken them down immediately at your request anyway so there’s no issue.

MorrisZapp · 26/12/2021 18:15

Totally get it. On any night out I ask my friends kindly not to post pics of me without my permission. Friends don't make friends look shit in public.

My best friend once took a hilarious pic of me mucking about up a ladder. We laughed our heads off over it but she put it online and I asked her to take it straight back down as it was horrifically unflattering (which was why we had laughed so much) and she was like 'oh but it's so funny' etc.

I'm afraid I had to say look seriously, please take it down which she eventually did.

I have pictures of my friends looking wonderful, looking normal, and looking like Les Dawson. I will only share pics from the first two categories because I'm not a dick.

Faretheewellmyfairyfay · 26/12/2021 18:16

I hate it when people do this but do this they will. It's the way of the world now. You either need to put your foot down about it, or let it go. If she doesn't really know how strongly you feel already, then now is the time to tell her. Most people do it without thinking to ask. If she does, you have a different problem.

gofg · 26/12/2021 18:28

The OP just wanted a bit of empathy and understanding. Seems like the Christmas spirit has left the site.

It's a few photos on Facebook, not a traumatic incident! Maybe many other posters actually have real issues going on in their life and (like me) are tired of these silly dramatics over nothing!

Hellosunshiner · 26/12/2021 18:32

YANBU, I don't take a good pic and hate it when people post the less than flattering ones, but I'm trying not to care as much these days.

TurquoiseDress · 26/12/2021 18:32

Hi OP

I know where you're coming from, but it's a good thing she has now taken them down, so that's fair enough- if she was removing to remove them/ignoring you then that would be something else

I know what you mean about awful photos being posted on social media!

The last one I hated was of me in bikini, with one of my best friends, I didn't realise how much of my arse was in the shot when it was taken- I thought it was more upper torso and above!

I was utterly appalled seeing it on my Facebook! Didn;t ask her to remove it, just untagged myself/hid it from my timeline...so yes it's still there on her page, if I go looking for it.

It was after putting on weight during the first lockdown last year and I was feeling rather self conscious, but not enough to not wear a swimming costume/bikini...but with hindsight, not to pose for any photos unless submerged in water!

TurquoiseDress · 26/12/2021 18:38

Don't feel bad about posting this, your feelings are all valid!

I remember cringing when looking at how many mutual friends had liked the photo of me looking like a hippo in a bikini- that is a perfectly valid & understandable emotion, in my opinion!

And yes I had many other important things going on in my life at that moment, but my reaction to the awful photo of myself felt visceral and to be honest I was repulsed by how I looked.

On the positive flip side, this spurred me into action to get back to healthy eating & regular exercise...well over 12 months later I am now several kilos lighter and back in my usual clothes without a squeeze, and feeling so much better about how healthy I feel and look.

I suppose I do have my friend to thank for posting that posting and inadvertently making me see the reality of my body last summer!

TurquoiseDress · 26/12/2021 18:41

Just to add- another friend of mine won't let a photo be added to her FB timeline unless she has approved it first.

So even if she is tagged in a series of photos/group post, it won't come up on her timeline until she has 'approved' it

That might be the way forward, so that you some control over what goes onto your FB

KarmaStar · 26/12/2021 19:10

Get over yourself.who is going to be sat looking at you and it's been taken down now anyway.
Non event.

Original poster

rugbysport · 26/12/2021 22:48

@KarmaStar

Get over yourself.who is going to be sat looking at you and it's been taken down now anyway. Non event.

I hope you feel better for posting this @KarmaStar

OP posts:

Original poster

rugbysport · 26/12/2021 22:50

@MorrisZapp

Totally get it. On any night out I ask my friends kindly not to post pics of me without my permission. Friends don't make friends look shit in public.

I'm afraid I had to say look seriously, please take it down which she eventually did.

I have pictures of my friends looking wonderful, looking normal, and looking like Les Dawson. I will only share pics from the first two categories because I'm not a dick.

Amen 🙏 appreciate a lot of the understanding on this thread.

OP posts:

Original poster

rugbysport · 26/12/2021 22:51

@gofg

The OP just wanted a bit of empathy and understanding. Seems like the Christmas spirit has left the site.

It's a few photos on Facebook, not a traumatic incident! Maybe many other posters actually have real issues going on in their life and (like me) are tired of these silly dramatics over nothing!

@gofg Does everything have to be so deep on this site all the time. Or can't we just have a little moan about something we know is trivial but want to get off our chest?!

OP posts:

Original poster

rugbysport · 26/12/2021 22:54

@Dreamstate

Er ironic isn't it you complain of her posting pics you don't like, she takes them down. You come on a public forum albeit anonymously and complain about what she did....imagine if she saw this! 👀

Your no better ...vet you were expecting people to rip her a new one and say how awful she was otherwise why do this post

Or absolutely not, just a little understanding which I'd say has mostly been the theme on this thread.

Thanks for your contribution.

OP posts:

Omicrone · 26/12/2021 22:57

I have recently been tagged in some horrendous photos - right at the front of the group, I look about 5ft wide, i literally go on forever, multiple chins, I honestly don't feel like I look like that when I look in the mirror! I was quite upset about it at the time, and was going to untag myself, but then thought I would look like a vain wanker if I did that. And then as my DH said, no one looks good with the wrong lighting and at the wrong angle.

I made myself feel better by looking at 'Your profile picture vs photo you are tagged in' memes

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