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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

feeling depressed over baby sleep

43 replies

adviceplease2039 · 26/12/2021 15:34

my baby is 9 months old and has been sleeping awful since the 4 month sleep regression began. i can’t cope anymore i actually feel quite depressed and just keep crying, i feel so drained all the time my head hurts and it’s physically painful. i have no idea what to do. i’ve tried cosleeping which made no difference, don’t have the space for her cot to be in her nursery right now as it’s being used as an office, etc. she’s breastfed and that’s all that will settle her overnight.

last night for example she was up every 20 minutes a few times and then up every 90 minutesish. she also wants to feed for ages at this time and uses me like a dummy (but won’t take a real dummy) so i tend to fall asleep while feeding her through the night.

i can’t cope. i love her but i just want to disappear sometimes

OP posts:
3scape · 26/12/2021 15:42

Please seek some advice over the sleep from a HV. In the meantime do you have a partner or perhaps a trusted family member to whisk your child off for a walk after a feed today? Just sleep. Do that twice if possible so you can regroup a little?

StarsandStones · 26/12/2021 15:46

How is she otherwise? Does she eat well? Healthy weight/height?

And hugs. This is a really tough situation.

StFrancisdeCompostela · 26/12/2021 15:51

I’m so sorry OP. It’s really hard. My baby was the same for a long time and it made me very depressed too.

I don’t know if you’re looking for advice but we followed Lucy Wolfe’s Baby Sleep Solution and it helped us a lot. My son still doesn’t sleep through at 1, but he’s a lot better than he was and my mental health is stable again.

Twizbe · 26/12/2021 15:55

I did controlled crying with both of mine at this age. It took 3-4 nights and they stopped night feeds and night waking after that.

For both your sakes it could be time to try something like this.

Nsky · 26/12/2021 15:57

Make sure to have her nursery back, get it sorted

Foxglovers · 26/12/2021 16:25

My daughter was exactly the same at this age and using me as a funny at night. Co-sleeping saved my sanity and it just got loads better when she turned 1. Actually a big improvement about 10 months too. I really feel for you and know how hard it is. My second child sleeps much better and I’ve done everything the same! My eldest just took ages to start sleeping well. I think co-sleeping and breastfeeding are the answer as when it starts to improve then this will help your baby feel secure and happy. I would guess they will start getting better soon! When using me as a dummy too much I would sometimes stop and sit up and hug her if she started crying and that would sometimes help. Sending positive thoughts and it does get so much better (and I think it will soon?) but if you do sleep at lease you don’t have to get up out of bed!

Gumboots29 · 26/12/2021 16:27

Honestly 9 months is the absolute worst for sleep. I was broken with both of mine at that point. One I tried to sleep train the other I breastfed and co-slept through it. The outcome was the same. Both improved after a couple of months. It will get better but if you are feeling unable to cope please speak to your HV or GP. Absolute sympathy x x x

VoyageInTheDark · 26/12/2021 16:29

I just wanted to say I'm in the same position. Dd2 is 6mo and wakes every 90 mins and wants to bf every time she wakes. I co-sleep but I'm exhausted and miserable.

Toffeecaramelapple · 26/12/2021 16:33

I was thinking last night that I wanted to put my DS into temporary foster care so I could get some sleep (this was obviously a 4am desperation thought) but I hear you.

Flowers

Co sleeping doesn’t work for us either - I have no idea what to do I must admit!

stairgates · 26/12/2021 16:34

Have you tried to drop the night feeds so she realises there's nothing to wake for. My youngest is 16 months and still dies this, its draining. I am tempted to be strict now and drop the night feeds as he is just doing ot out of habit/comfort, with the last couple I would put lemon juice on my books before bed which stopped them in a couple of nights, its just the thought of letting him go I will have to get ready for :)

Toffeecaramelapple · 26/12/2021 16:47

Mine hasn’t fed at night for months but still wakes for no discernible reason Xmas Sad

ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 26/12/2021 16:47

Oh mate I've been there.

All three of mine did this. For us it was really bad reflux and other issues. All breastfed as well.

I co-slept, it didnt improve how often they woke but it reduced me having to physically get out of bed which helped a lot.

Pandamumium · 26/12/2021 16:54

From experience try to get her nursery usable. DC3 was still waking 3-4 times at least at night at age 9-10 months. DCs 1 and 2 had slept through from a reasonable age. My plan was to keep her in my room until she slept through, but it wasn’t happening. Finally I gave in and put her in her own room. Within a couple of nights she was sleeping through. She was ( and still is) a very light sleeper, so we were disturbing her.

SayMumOneMoreTime · 26/12/2021 17:01

Both of mine were like this, I night weaned first by getting my husband to do the wake ups for a few nights, which helped quite a lot - they then fed more in the day. Did the Jo frost sleep training thing and it worked a treat. Neither of them slept through the whole night until they were nearly 2, but it went from waking every 45 mins through the night to one or two wake ups. Saved my life really, it's impossible to understand what it does to you unless you've been there. Sending hugs, strength and solidarity xx

Original poster
adviceplease2039 · 26/12/2021 17:04

thanks so much everyone!

her room is unfortunately totally unusable as my partner is wfm and is always in meetings etc so needs somewhere private with space for his computers. would putting her cot right at the other side of the room do any good or would that likely make no difference?

also as for cosleeping i thought that would’ve helped but we tried it for a few weeks and it didn’t change at all. also still scared either of us rolls on her or something :/

has anyone with an ebf baby tried formula before bed also? i really want to stick to breastfeeding only but if that’s something that might help i’m willing to do it for my sanity

OP posts:
Original poster
adviceplease2039 · 26/12/2021 17:05

@Toffeecaramelapple

I was thinking last night that I wanted to put my DS into temporary foster care so I could get some sleep (this was obviously a 4am desperation thought) but I hear you. Flowers

Co sleeping doesn’t work for us either - I have no idea what to do I must admit!

honestly you’re not alone in this thought. i love her to pieces but on bad nights i just sit and cry and feel like i just can’t do it anymore
OP posts:
MrsColon · 26/12/2021 17:06

We did the Ferber method on the advice of a paediatrician. Worked brilliantly, he was sleeping through within 4 nights.

We were all happier - me & DS because we were no longer chronically exhausted, DH because his depressed and miserable wife was suddenly back to normal.

TheDrWillSeeYouNow · 26/12/2021 17:08

You have a DP - you split the night. You sleep 10pm-2am, he sleeps from 2am onwards.

Toffeecaramelapple · 26/12/2021 17:56

@TheDrWillSeeYouNow

You have a DP - you split the night. You sleep 10pm-2am, he sleeps from 2am onwards.
Mumsnet always presents this with a tone of ‘what the fuck are you complaining about’
  1. 10-2 is 4 hours. That’s still awful.
  1. Why is it the woman who has the 2am - morning witching hour shift?
  1. In my case I’d be lying awake 10-2 listening to hysterical DS with DH.

So yeah. Not for us.

WhatTheFlap · 26/12/2021 18:31

My DS hit the regression hard and slept awfully for 11 weeks before I gave it and tried sleep training. We did move him into his own room which admittedly did help but I don’t think is vital to making improvements. We tried Ferber but found that every time we went in it would make DS worse so eventually did CIO. I know this isn’t for everyone but the longest he ever cried was 20 minutes and after 4 nights he started settling himself after about 5 mins of chatting to himself or playing with his sleeping bag. He still wakes a couple times a night to eat so it’s not a magic pill solution, but I’m mentally prepared now to start the night weaning process and am no longer a zombie walking around wanting to punch strangers in Asda 😂

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2021 18:33

We had to do the opposite, so we might weaned (offered water & cuddle when he woke) by second/third night there were dramatically less wakings then when he went in his own room that took all the night wakings away.

sjxoxo · 26/12/2021 18:46

Can you find somewhere else for her cot. If it can’t go in her room, then another space! I think your sanity is more important than your partners wfh needs.. can they find somewhere else to work?! Even at a friends or neighbours spare room, a fold down desk, a coworking office or something. You are at your wits end and need that space back to function normally! It might not solve all your problems in which case he can have it back but it also might! He only needs a desk & a socket surely even if he has to work on the landing it’s preferable for you all. Xo

Camembear · 26/12/2021 18:48

My SIL was in this position and she did find that giving a bottle of formula at night helped.

Justgettingbye · 26/12/2021 18:51

My friend that breastfed said at 10 months if the baby woke dad went in and offered water and then she got the message there was no milk but obviously if your baby is using you as a dummy that's an issue, I guess you need to find a replacement?

nosleepgang4life · 26/12/2021 18:54

It's not easy. It's so tough. But it does get easier I PROMISE you.

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