To think this isn't a good idea?

[thesailsaflow]

Me and my ex have an 8 year old daughter together. We have had our moments but get along very well now, I'd say we are friends, we confide in each other and I can rely on him and he me.

We have been in talks for the past few months about getting a dog that we will share. He recently lost his dog - a Rottweiler - she was lovely and very well trained and whilst I would look after her on occasion, he bought it with his ex girlfriend so it was not a shared dog with me.

The kind of dog I would like is a cockapoo or Labrador. However, he called me this morning and said he had found an English bull terrier pup for sale and was going to get it next week. He asked if I'd be okay to help out with it - no financial responsibility but watching/training/walking it whilst he is at work (I am a student and work at night, he works during the day). I said I'd have a think.

My concern is number one, having read up on these types of dogs, they aren't for novice owners. So although my ex did own one previous dog I don't think he realised how difficult these types are to train, also I have absolutely no experience of dogs or training them. Secondly, and this may be a stereotype, but I've read these dogs can be quite aggressive. My ex claims this is all in the way they are raised. However, after speaking to a vet (my aunt) she says there is something in their brains that can make them turn without warning no matter how well trained or raised the dog is.

I know I am absolutely within my rights to say I don't feel comfortable helping out with the dog. But then the worry comes with when my daughter is at his house, what if it attacks her? She is with him 50 percent of the time and it has really worried me.

I wish he could just be into the stereotypical 'family dogs' but he's not and he is adamant he is not changing his mind and going ahead with it.

AIBU to have these reservations? Am I buying into the stereotype? Is there just as much risk with a Labrador?

If not, what do I do?

I would never get a bull breed.

They were bred for bull fighting, then dog fighting (which sadly still goes on today). So they often have an aggressive streak towards other dogs and smaller animals, a high tolerance to pain and their physical make up makes them a danger if they do turn; oversized powerful jaw, stocky muscular body, a powerful desire to bite and not release.

Add to this many ‘staffies’ in the U.K. are actually crossed with illegal bull breeds like the American pit bull, and may even have false papers.

YANBU. It isn't what you agreed, so the answer is no.

I've not really thought about it from this POV. Can I ask why not though? We already have a daughter together, it doesn't get more tying than that. We have been split for 7 years, there is absolutely no physical/romantic attraction on either side. We have both moved on and had other partners since. He is a genuinely good person, and we care about each other. He is a great dad and although there will always be things which we disagree on, we respect each other enough to listen and compromise.

Except on this one issue you’re posting on here about, of course. Zero ‘respect’ for your wishes, or any sort of ‘compromise’ since, as you said, he’s adamant it’s his way.

He is there when I am in a jam, whether that involves our daughter or not. He is there and helps out financially (not just child maintenance).

I couldn't think of a better person to do this with to be honest.

Maybe someone who is willing to listen, and take into consideration your point of view on the breed?

If he expects or wants you to help out with this, you get equal say on the breed.

Personally I wouldn't want that breed near my child. I have a different breed who does bite sometimes. We can easily break it up. However yours will have a locked jaw, so you'll never be able to stop an attack. It would have to be killed. You are irresponsible if you let that dog around children.

I suggest you join a breed specific group on Facebook and ask if they would recommend this breed around children. Then show your ex their replies.

As a tactic to try to buy time to think about it, or to hope to discourage him from this breed, you could tell him that you absolutely will not help with the dog.

If he really needs your help to keep the dog, that might be enough to stop him. If he gets it anyway, you'll always have the option to change your mind later if you decide you want to be involved with the dog and feel confident about doing so.

@TheGrinchsDog but Labradors top the bite list in absolute terms due to sheer numbers. It was the most popular dog in the UK that research by breed was undertaken (in 2016 - by an insurance company). Serious bites - including fatalities by breed - look a lot different. This is about bite force - with bull breeds featuring in the top 20. Rottweiler psi is right up there too.

It doesn't matter what the breed OP. You need some input and he doesn't get to expect your help without it.

Tell him no, he's on his own and that's the end of it.

When I was your little girl’s age, about 8 or 9, my father brought home the most gorgeous dogue de Bordeaux. He was a true mastiff, and had a terrible temper. If he was lying in front of a cupboard and you went to move him to get to it, he would go for you. From pup-hood he was arrogant. I am actually surprised that he never mauled one of us.

Bless his heart though, he was a terrific guard dog. He guarded our house with his life- we had an intruder once and I have never seen a man look so scared as a dog charged at him- think turner and hooch. Once, a staffie went to kill our terrier and he jumped in the way. He had his cheek torn off and the vet had to put him back together again 😬

He was a nasty piece of work though. From pup hood he seemed to hold contempt for all of us. I would hold my breath while stroking him. He scared the life out of me and my mother. He snapped a few times. My father got along with him alright, because he was the “master” but the dog thought he ranked above all women and children. It was so strange.

We have kept countless dogs, and they were all beautiful and wonderfully trained. My current dog is an absolute sap (BRT- I recommend strongly for a family with young children who want an “impressive” dog) but the mastiff wasn’t right. I’m sure his temperament was down to poor breeding or a developmental delay. Our other large dog knew he wasn’t right or to be trusted- if he came near me and so much as growled he would tackle him to the floor. It was like watching a bear and a lion fight- the other large dog had never so much as growled at a fly!!!!

I will say, that when the mastiff died I bawled. And I miss his quiet company. His pride. I miss sleeping at night knowing that my boy was downstairs guarding the house.

No, I wouldn’t recommend a mastiff type for a family with a young girl. It could work out well, but it could end terribly.

@gamerchick I used to say that too- until I bought a mastiff. they are guard dogs by nature, as much as any working breed. They also have an array of health issues. They tend to be a little arrogant, sweethearts, but bloody stubborn.

No chance would I get a bull terrier or allow my child to be alone with one i didnt know personally

Im a dog lover and I recognise that they can be beautiful, sweet natured dogs but I wouldn’t trust the kind of person who wants a fighting breed

However, as a defence, he said no matter how well the dog is trained he will not be allowed off the lead

It will be off the lead in the house!

Put your child first - why even consider having an untrained and dangerous dog near your child (neither of you are able to commit to looking after it's needs)

I have an EBT and everything @PAW326 and @HoardingSamphireSaurus have said is 100% correct!

They are the most lovable affectionate dogs you could ever meet, especially with their own family. So you absolutely don't need to ever worry about your daughter being around one that's been brought up around her.

To the poster who suggested you ask in a breed specific forum if they are ok to be left around children - I don't think the replies would be what you expect!!!

I've only ever known my boy show any kind of aggression to other intact male dogs and even then, it's only been reactive because they've shown aggression towards him first.

In fact just today he was approached by an off lead schnauzer and even though it was snapping and trying to bite him the daft galoot kept wagging his tail and trying to play with her 🤦🏽‍♀️

BUT FML they are stubborn and yes they are notoriously difficult to train.

They really are like giant toddlers, they like fuss, cuddles, your undivided attention and bloody hell can they throw a strop.

My boy is unbelievably needy though, which I love in some ways but it does mean he comes with some issues. He doesn't like being away from me (he literally follows me around the house and DH calls him my shadow) and if the mood takes him he doesn't like anyone coming near me either.

I actually don't think your situation of having one between two homes would be a good idea. Firstly, my boy is a home bird and while he is happy with someone staying at ours to dog sit if we go on holiday, he finds being away from home (in kennels) incredibly stressful. I don't think moving an EBT between two homes would be fair on it.

They are a breed known for preferring routine and can get very stressed with change. And when an EBT is stressed they are destructive!!

I also think that with the best will in the world, you won't be able to keep to a strict consistent training regime, which is what they need.

As much as I love my boy and want the world to feel the bull terrier love, I don't think it's the right breed for your situation OP.

My DH says he would never have another EBT.

I however would have ALL the EBTs right now, in one house

I don't understand. You are not in a relationship with him so why get a dog together?

@Nocutenamesleft

I’m on the fence with regards to English bull terriers.

My step sister just paid upwards of £10,000 for an American bull terrier and I would never allow them to stay on their own with it. Frightening animal In the wrong hands.

£10,000!!!!!!!

They are not very attractive dogs- I must say. They do look a bit odd

How can you not love this face????

[quote IggysPop]@TheGrinchsDog but Labradors top the bite list in absolute terms due to sheer numbers. It was the most popular dog in the UK that research by breed was undertaken (in 2016 - by an insurance company). Serious bites - including fatalities by breed - look a lot different. This is about bite force - with bull breeds featuring in the top 20. Rottweiler psi is right up there too.[/quote]
Yes I understand and agree but I was making a point about training being key.

I get that the numbers are skewed because labs are so popular, I also understand that those stats covered everything from scratches to serious bites.

Any dog can be dangerous to children so supervision at all times especially till they are bigger but bullies aren't innately dangerous dogs as a lot of people would have you believe.

Like all vehicles are dangerous, some are able to do more damage to another vehicle than others in a crash. We all learn the rules of the road and drive according to conditions etc. We train our dogs well, pay attention to their body language and other cues and we supervise them around children and other animals - for the most part and usually with exceptions for medical reasons people who stick to that sort of thinking don't have issues with their dogs.

Tbf even on saying I like the breed/type and all I'm not sure this situation is going to work great with any dog regardless of breed.

Nope as a child I was mauled by this type of dog and I would not want that kind of dog anywhere my child. I cannot understand why anyone would want to own them and they really should not be allowed housed with or in proximity to kids. The event vases of the 11 year old boy mauled in Caerphilly gave me nightmares.

Amy dog that is never let off them lead will be unhealthy and more likely to snap. They need proper exercise - even if that means hiring an enclosed field where they can run.

I love bull breeds - soppy mutts.

If Ex can find a pup ready to be collected within a week, it seems unlikely that it’s from a reputable breeder. More likely badly bred from a puppy farm.

Shelby has a point.

Every reputable and responsible EBT breeder I know has waiting lists from before the pups are even born.

That being said, I got my boy by chance because the owner he was supposed to go to have back word a week before she was due to collect him.

But the breeder didn't spent time looking for the right family to take him, which meant I didn't get him until he was 12 weeks old.

If your ex has found one that's around 8-10 weeks and "ready to go" then I would be wary.

@Beautiful3

Personally I wouldn't want that breed near my child. I have a different breed who does bite sometimes. We can easily break it up. However yours will have a locked jaw, so you'll never be able to stop an attack. It would have to be killed. You are irresponsible if you let that dog around children.

No. This and other fighting dog, lock jaw posts. No.

No dog has a lock jaw, that's another of those hyperbolic myths.

The English bull terrier was bred to be a gentleman's posing dog. A lap dog, a walking dog and nothing more.

It is not the breed you think it is, I can't count how many times he's been called a pit bull, banned, dangerous breed, bred to fight. All by people who have no idea what they are talking about.

Look up the breed's history for yourself.