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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed that DH went out last night?

36 replies

MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 26/12/2021 10:43

Typed a long message and lost it so will keep brief.

At MILS for Christmas with DH, our two kids, BIL and nephew.

MIL getting on and stressed about catering so I've tried to pick up the slack, including Christmas dinner.

BIL has a bit of a drink problem, and DH seems to follow suit when here. This is a source of stress to MIL.

After prepping all the veg on Christmas Eve, I then got up early with excited son yesterday and pretty much single handedly did Christmas lunch. DH and BIL popped to the pub at final stages of cooking so I was a bit non plussed at the suggestion I go with them.

After dinner we watched a film, I was pretty knackered. Got son to bed. DH and BIL then say at 9.30 they are going to a neighbours.

Said neighbour throwing huge party, always really full on. We had heard that neighbours mum (who was there) had been around people who tested positive. We're supposed to travel to my family this afternoon and I don't want to take risks.

I asked them not to go. MIL asked them not to go. They went.

DS then woke up and I had to lie with him to settle him. Came down just got 10 and MIL had gone to bed. So I was sat alone til they got back at 11.30.

Mil came down again and asked them not to drink more. She then spoke to me along when I was going upstairs to apologise for their behaviour. Obvs it's not her fault!

This morning DH is in a terrible mood that he's apparently'ruined christmas' and I'm getting shitty responses to anything I say. No apology.

He doesn't care at all does he? Or AIBU and I should have let him do what he wanted on Christmas Day?

OP posts:
AngelsEyeball · 26/12/2021 11:02

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!

thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2021 11:06

He has no respect for you or MIL, he expects you to do all the prep work and he is risking infecting lots of family.

What is the point of him? Does he enhance your life at all? It doesn’t sound like it.

Sally872 · 26/12/2021 11:07

If he genuinely feels any remorse he would be in an apologetic mood and trying to make up for it. Not being short with you.

He did what he wanted and he is pretending to feel guilty. He should have been with you and his child and mother on Christmas day especially with possible covid risk.

Fallagain · 26/12/2021 11:08

@AngelsEyeball

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!
I completely disagree. No women is responsible for the selfish behaviour of OP DH here.

I was would be so annoyed too OP. Did you share a bed with him last night? If not (I’m guessing small chance) I would be packing up as quick as possible and leaving him behind and going to your family’s.

When he is not hungover you need to have a talk with him about his behaviour and decide what is acceptable to both of you.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2021 11:11

@AngelsEyeball

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!
WTF? Did you actually read the OP? Confused
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/12/2021 11:11

@AngelsEyeball

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!
This is such a depressing post.
CagneyNYPD1 · 26/12/2021 11:15

Sounds like he reverts to teenage stroppy behaviour when he is back at his mum's and with his brother. Grim.

I think a big question here is the BIL drink problem and your DH following suit. This needs to be looked at more closely. At the moment, it is difficult to see if your dh behaved in this way because he puts alcohol above the needs of his dc, wife and his mother. Or if he is just an inconsiderate knob who follows his brother around like a puppy dog.

CagneyNYPD1 · 26/12/2021 11:17

@AngelsEyeball

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!
Awful comment.
Teacupsandtoast · 26/12/2021 11:19

Is he a fucking teenager? Im reading it like your MIL apologised to you for his behaviour? And now he's sulking because he's been a dick? Is he always like that?

Catastrophejane · 26/12/2021 11:23

What a shame OP - sorry you and your MIL had a rotten time.

Your DH and his brother are completely out of order- it’s one day in the year!!

I’d suggest he stays at home while you go to your family and enjoy yourself.

He knows he’s in the wrong. Tell him that and then don’t engage in any of his bullshit.

He needs to grow up.

Longdistance · 26/12/2021 11:26

Drive to your parents and leave him there. He can make his own way home.

Forgetaboutme · 26/12/2021 11:27

@AngelsEyeball

Why are you apologising for the behaviours of other adults. MIL should fuck off and look to how she raised her son!
I think you've misread? MIL was apologising, not asking OP to apologise.
NoNameHere12 · 26/12/2021 11:28

How can your DH not be embarrassed?!

Your MIL apologised because she was embarrassed at her sons behaviour I imagine, although that’s not on her.

The two of them should grow the duck up! Next year you, MIL and your son should have a nice Xmas the 3 of you and tell the guys to sling their hooks being as they don’t seem to care about spending it with family anyway

Nanny2many · 26/12/2021 11:31

Y I would agree with Pp and would have gone to your family without him. To avoid infection

BitcherOfBlakiven · 26/12/2021 11:32

Leave him there and go see your family just you and DS.

It needs to hit home what a massive cunt he’s been.

Cheerbear24 · 26/12/2021 11:33

Ok do he went out, leaving you behind, he drank more than you & MIL approved of, however was he actually drunk?
You’ve not actually said he behaved wrong through drinking too much - did he?

boomboomshakalakalakaboom · 26/12/2021 11:43

They went out for two hours in the evening and earlier did invite you along with them to the pub. How often does he get to see his brother? You didn't have to take over cooking the roast. I think his behaviour wasn't very thoughtful but also I think what he did wasn't so bad

Suzanne999 · 26/12/2021 11:51

This is the behaviour of “lads” who have no responsibilities., not the behaviour of the father of a young son and a man who should be looking to protect t his elderly mother in a bloody pandemic.
I get that we’re all fed up with Covid but knowing someone has tested positive and going into that crowd, then home, is downright irresponsible.
What you do with your husband —- no idea. I’d tell him, while he’s hung over, what an irresponsible waste of space he is. Grow up or get out.

Original poster
MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 26/12/2021 12:08

I'm currently getting one word answers. He's in a terrible mood.

Yes he was drunk.

On 23rd he met a friend he hadn't seen for a long time, which I get. They came back here, He stayed up til 1.30, was blind drunk, banging doors, smoking outside (he doesn't smoke) swearing really loudly and woke up our DD (13).

I let it go. But last night has really upset me. It's like this every year. He has 3 bothers and they are all the same. It upsets MIL every time that they come here and prioritise going out and drinking. But nothing makes a difference.

I'm so tired of it. If he had apologised and been normal/nice today I probably would have let it go. But he's acting as if I've done something wrong and is in a foul mood.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 26/12/2021 12:12

Also BoomBoom they invited me to pub whilst I was at the final stages of cooking Christmas lunch eg I couldn't go! That's their kind of reasoning - oh well we did invite you.

Same as last night - I was invited which would have meant leaving MIL alone (who would have then had to deal with DS when he got up).

But I'm apparently in the wrong here

OP posts:
Misty84 · 26/12/2021 12:12

Doesn’t sound very nice at all OP. He’s shown no respect, just selfish behaviour. You’re definitely not being unreasonable.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/12/2021 12:20

YANBU. He is now trying to stop you raising it by being nasty to you.

So he clearly has no intention of changing g his behaviour in the future. He wants you to change yours by stopping you from daring to mention it.
Time to think hard about how to you want your future to look

Helpstopthepain · 26/12/2021 12:22

Take yourself, your dc and your poor mil to your parents for a proper Christmas.

Sorry that you have a shit husband.

RandomMess · 26/12/2021 12:22

I would go to your family without him tbh.

Somethingsnappy · 26/12/2021 12:50

Honestly, what awful behaviour. So you were at HIS family's house, but he left you there to go out and let you do the all cooking too? And now is sulking that his selfish behaviour has been recognised?