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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think these drinking habits on Christmas aren't normal?

54 replies

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:13

Have a wonderful DH all year around and can never usually complain. We have been together 8 years and every Christmas has pretty much ended the same so I'm not sure I even have the right to complain as he's always been like it. I think since having DS I have this unrealistic idea of Christmas ending with us watching a film, reminiscing about the day, stuffing faces, when it actually ends up with DH head down the toilet feeling worse for wear.

Every Christmas Day DH thinks is an excuse for drinking. He had a beer at 8am, he had a cocktail and other alcoholic beverage before 10am . We planned on having lunch around mothers so of course that meant I had to drive. Anyway, leave my mothers and we always end up at my dads (parents had separated) as this is a short walk away from our house and we usually play some board games, DS plays with his cousins and it's a nice wind down to Christmas. It also means I get to have a drink or two as I've driven throughout the day.

Partner drank in excess again, thrown up all over their bathroom, made no sense and just talking absolute rubbish. We get home, and he spends most of the night in the toilet.

AIBU to think this isn't what Christmas is about? I feel like I'm being selfish as he has the right to be merry and irresponsible on Christmas Day but every Christmas ends the same despite us speaking about this before. (DH says he won't drink at all, Christmas comes around and he's stroppy so I give in!). It makes me feel angry, not that I feel like I have that right because it's always been the same. The crazy thing is he rarely drinks throughout the year anyway!

Sorry for the long winded message, I felt like I just needed a rant. It just makes me so angry ending Christmas with a DH who is rambling on about shite and puking everywhere - he's almost 30!

OP posts:

DragonMovie · 26/12/2021 09:15

Exactly how little does he drink the rest of the year?

Could it be that he doesn’t drink normally because he knows that when he starts he can’t stop?

EmmasMum12 · 26/12/2021 09:15

That's ridiculous and not normal. Does he only drink this way at Christmas?

Nosnowthisyear · 26/12/2021 09:15

That’s horrendous. Did he plan to drink so much? What is he like on nights out/weddings etc?

I wouldn’t go out with him if he there was a risk he would be throwing up in peoples bathrooms.

Is he embarrassed the next day?

What would stop him do you think?

Nidan2Sandan · 26/12/2021 09:16

I dont know a single adult who would drink to the point if throwing up.

Is he 19yo? Because most adults I know stop doing that once they leave the "clubbing" phase of their lives

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:16

@DragonMovie We normally have around 5 nights out a year where we will go out into town and drink silly. But he will normally have a can on a Saturday night in front of the TV.

OP posts:

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 26/12/2021 09:17

I used to do that every year at Xmas, make myself sick from too much drunk but never on Xmas day and never since l had dc.
Don't give him any sympathy.
Yanbu it is horrible on Xmas day to have that.

Tooboo · 26/12/2021 09:17

I like a drink but that is ridiculous and utterly selfish of him. No it’s not normal. Christmas Day isn’t about getting hammered and making best friends with the shithouse.

TorySteller · 26/12/2021 09:17

That’s grim.

Imo Christmas is a day to spend with people you care about. Getting merry is one thing, getting absolutely hammered is another.

His selfish actions also mean that you can’t enjoy Christmas.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2021 09:18

Unless you want this for the rest of your life then you should rethink the relationship

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:19

@EmmasMum12 Yes, really only on Christmas! I think it's been a bit of a tradition in his family, and him and my FIL usually have a joke about it. I just don't find it funny and it just leaves me feeling disappointed every Christmas. Which is probably unreasonable of me because why would I expect any different!

OP posts:

icedcoffees · 26/12/2021 09:19

Of course it's not normal.

I wonder if Christmas wasn't a happy time for him growing up so he drinks to block out the memories?

SnowWhitesSM · 26/12/2021 09:21

It sounds like in his head that's how Christmas should be - drinking from breakfast and getting hammered. He can't actually enjoy being that drunk so I wonder why he continues every year.

Is there not a compromise anywhere to be had? Can he go out with friends for a Xmas bender and stay over somewhere or a hotel? Can he have a breakfast beer but then no alcohol till the evening?

He's not going to stop this, for him this is Christmas. If he doesn't drink like this the rest of the year then work out how he can have his Xmas bender without it impacting so much on family.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/12/2021 09:22

What were his Christmasses like when he was growing up?

Have you tried asking him why he feels the need to? Because it must be something about xmas if he is fine the rest of the year.

Its really unfair of him to avoid everything and leave it all to you every year.

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:23

I'm glad the majority is thinking the same. I wondered if my family were actually very boring and for others this is normal thing to do on Christmas!

I'm sure Boxing Day will be a write off to while he nurses his hangover. I'm currently up and building lego with DS, which to me is what Christmas is all about!

OP posts:

Nomoreusernames1244 · 26/12/2021 09:23

The crazy thing is he rarely drinks throughout the year anyway

Not that crazy. When you drink regularly your liver increases the enzymes needed to break down alcohol. Don’t drink, don’t need them, don’t produce them.

So when you do drink it hits you fast and hard, you go from feeling a little bit tipsy to puking with no warning, and of course if you’re drinking you lose the ability to say no to one more drink…

I stopped drinking completely due to this. I didn’t drink often at all, so that one glass after 6 months had me pissed, and it took all my willpower to say no to a second. Dh was the same, never drank, wpuld go on a works night and come home puking..

I can understand his wish to have a drink and relax on christmas day, but he can’t handle it. The issue is so many people offer and encourage a drink, it’s hard to stop.

Non alcholic spirits? Alternate so he feels like he’s drinking but slows him down? Or an agreement that one drink/one soft drink? Only thing is you may have to monitor as he won’t be able to.

Agree there’s nothing worse than a puking drunk adult though.

A580Hojas · 26/12/2021 09:24

How can you not know that's not normal behaviour?

Lifeispassingby · 26/12/2021 09:24

I think today I would go out, tell him I can’t bear to be with him as he let me down and go out for the day. Then have a serious conversation about how it makes you feel that he knows how much it spoils your Christmas yet doesn’t care enough to stop himself

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2021 09:25

It’s normal to have a few drinks on Christmas op

Not normal to get so hammered that you’re vomiting and ruining the day for your partner and child

EmmasMum12 · 26/12/2021 09:26

[quote Unsername1233]@EmmasMum12 Yes, really only on Christmas! I think it's been a bit of a tradition in his family, and him and my FIL usually have a joke about it. I just don't find it funny and it just leaves me feeling disappointed every Christmas. Which is probably unreasonable of me because why would I expect any different![/quote]

I think it is very reasonable to ask your partner not to drink to excess.

Perhaps to start at lunch time and NOT over indulge until he vomits

If he can't do this for you at Christmas then I would be reviewing his feelings for you and why your reasonable request is so disrespected by him

QuestionNumberOne · 26/12/2021 09:27

Honestly it’s pathetic. And repulsive. What a fool and a selfish one.

Sorry OP. No you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:28

@A580Hojas I'm in my mid 20's, have spent the last 8 Christmas's with DH, the rest with my family. I haven't seen what others Christmas days are realistically like.

OP posts:

Beachgirl33 · 26/12/2021 09:29

Surely you realise you are not being unreasonable? You need a convo with him that this must never happen again. It’s a tradition in his family to be an absolute drunken arsehole on Christmas Day putting pressure on his partner and kids and throwing up in folks bathrooms. Ffs. Tell him today in no uncertain terms what a dick he was. Send him round to your dads to clean the bathroom. I’m fine for relaxed drinking on Christmas Day but this is taking the piss.

I’m amazed at some of the stuff I read on hear that women just accept their partners delegating all sorts of stuff inc driving on them at Christmas and other events without any discussion.

We routinely discuss does either of us want a drink? Agree beforehand who will drive. It’s just common courtesy. Start 2022 with different traditions. First one I would suggest is Respect. Sorry you had such a shitty time with your big teenager

Beachgirl33 · 26/12/2021 09:37

OP just read your age. Im old enough to be your mother. Don’t accept this shit. You’re making a rod for your own back. Both my husband and I drank more than we would usually and started earlier in the day. But neither of us sick. No one driving. All relaxed. He is not considering the impact of his shitty behaviour on you. Maybe you need a discussion along the lines of ‘when you behave like this it makes me feel like this about you’. Insert whatever it is in place of this! My husband seems to respond better to this type of convo when I break it down for him

Aprilx · 26/12/2021 09:43

It’s just plain weird. He is ruining the day for himself as much as anyone else. He is obviously not used to alcohol so it isn’t taking much to get him very sick, but that is besides the point. He doesn’t have a drinking problem the other 364 days of the year so why this one day. Sorry, not helpful, I find it too weird to be helpful.

MargosKaftan · 26/12/2021 09:45

OP if he promises not to drink at all at Christmas again, say no, because you know you'll "feel bad". So how about suggest a compromise as he "clearly can't cope with whole day drinking". My compromise would be he drives to /from your mums next year, so you get to have a drink with lunch - with agreement he can drink in the afternoon at your dad's. That way he's not already drunk by the time he starts the afternoon.

Serious chats that this is unfair on dcs to have dad unable to play with them on Christmas day because he's drunk. He can have a few drinks, but later in the day and not to the level he's wiped out and I assume Boxing Day is also ruined.

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