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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think these drinking habits on Christmas aren't normal?

54 replies

Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 09:13

Have a wonderful DH all year around and can never usually complain. We have been together 8 years and every Christmas has pretty much ended the same so I'm not sure I even have the right to complain as he's always been like it. I think since having DS I have this unrealistic idea of Christmas ending with us watching a film, reminiscing about the day, stuffing faces, when it actually ends up with DH head down the toilet feeling worse for wear.

Every Christmas Day DH thinks is an excuse for drinking. He had a beer at 8am, he had a cocktail and other alcoholic beverage before 10am Angry. We planned on having lunch around mothers so of course that meant I had to drive. Anyway, leave my mothers and we always end up at my dads (parents had separated) as this is a short walk away from our house and we usually play some board games, DS plays with his cousins and it's a nice wind down to Christmas. It also means I get to have a drink or two as I've driven throughout the day.

Partner drank in excess again, thrown up all over their bathroom, made no sense and just talking absolute rubbish. We get home, and he spends most of the night in the toilet.

AIBU to think this isn't what Christmas is about? I feel like I'm being selfish as he has the right to be merry and irresponsible on Christmas Day but every Christmas ends the same despite us speaking about this before. (DH says he won't drink at all, Christmas comes around and he's stroppy so I give in!). It makes me feel angry, not that I feel like I have that right because it's always been the same. The crazy thing is he rarely drinks throughout the year anyway!

Sorry for the long winded message, I felt like I just needed a rant. It just makes me so angry ending Christmas with a DH who is rambling on about shite and puking everywhere - he's almost 30!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/12/2021 09:46

What an idiot

Next Christmas he drives. No argument.

Porthia · 26/12/2021 09:50

As others have said, definitely not normal. It sounds like he is drinking to get drunk which never ends well.

Christmas is the only day of the year I will have a drink before midday (glass of champagne or Buck’s Fizz late morning as I sort the Christmas dinner and have a few canapés) and then yes, a few glasses of wine with dinner etc but I don’t know if anyone drinking to the point of vomiting on Christmas Day! It’s all about family and good. Not going out on the lash.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/12/2021 09:56

I drink throughout the day on Christmas day starting with bucks fizz at breakfast. I don't get drunk and puke though, that's annoying.

Ohbotherpiglet · 26/12/2021 09:57

This is an awful way for him to behave. Especially when you have a child. I don’t know what to suggest because it sounds like you’ve talked to him and it’s not gone through. What will he be like today? Will he act sorry promise to have a sober Christmas and then change next time?

The only non-nuclear option I can see is to refuse to take him with you when you drive to your mums for dinner if he has started drinking by then. But that argument would be nasty for your son to see.

My partners family drink much more at Xmas than mine (spiked orange juice for breakfast etc) and constantly pushing alcohol from then on. I really don’t like it because I end up sloshed by 11am and then have to stop because I feel a bit sick and feel like I need to hide that I’m not drinking or they’ll think I’m rude! But even then, no one is drinking to the point of being sick.

AuditAngel · 26/12/2021 09:59

This isn’t normal. I am also old enough to be your mum, and I would say DH and I drink more than is good for us.

Christmas Eve I drank half a beer in the afternoon, as i was driving to church for 6 for Children’s mass. We then met relatives for dinner, catching a taxi home.we all drank a lot of wine with dinner, DH (who isn’t good at knowing when to stop) wasn’t too bad.

Yesterday morning we collected my car and I then collected my MIL and a cousin for lunch. (Cousin doesn’t drink after treatment alcohol issues a few years ago). MIL nursed one Campari all day, we had copious bottles of alcohol free wine, 1 was drunk. DH and I drank a bottle of Cremant while cooking (mixed with orange juice) and a bottle of red with our roast beef.

If my DH had behaved as yours did, we wouldn’t still be together. Whilst DH overdoes it, he takes himself to bed, possibly not as soon as he should, but I couldn’t deal with that.

HidingFromDD · 26/12/2021 10:01

It’s not uncommon to drink more on Christmas Day. What it looks like for me and quite a few friends families I know is: Buck’s Fizz at breakfast, 1 glass and plenty of oj; sherry (if being traditional) around 12ish while prepping lunch, 1 small glass; decent bottle of wine with lunch, couple of glasses maybe; evening maybe a beer or two, I tend to drink another glass of red. It’s quite a lot of different drinks throughout the day but spread over a long time so may get slightly tipsy but never more than that.

If he drinks beer get him to try the non alcohol stuff. I like brew dog. Tend to drink that in preference to alcoholic beer now, tastes great and no after effects

BooksAndGin · 26/12/2021 10:03

We have a rule in our house.

Christmas is for the kids, so responsible drinking or no drinking at all. New Year's Eve is for the adults so we can drink then. Works well maybe something your husband needs to adopt?

I would be furious!

Frogsonglue · 26/12/2021 10:04

This is really awful, and it's going to ruin family life as your child gets older and Christmas becomes a day they dread because of anxiety about what dad's going to do. I grew up in quite a boozy family, and the alcohol always flowed freely on Christmas day, but nobody ever ever got in this state (or even got drunk enough to start slurring and being annoying). If I were you, I would be telling him today that he has one more Christmas to put this right, and if he does the same next year you will be leaving him on boxing Day. And mean it. And if he can't agree to that, and understand where you're coming from, then I'd just leave him now - because he sees it as his right to ruin your Christmas with his head down the bog.

Earwigworries · 26/12/2021 10:04

This will become your sons memories of Christmas OP …. It isn’t your fault and it also isn’t your problem to solve but maybe you need to point that out to DH. I hope you and your DS have a good day today and don’t give DH any sympathy

LowlandLucky · 26/12/2021 10:05

Your poor children. Their memories of their childhood Christmases will be of a drunken Father embarrassing himself and throwing up. Disgraceful.

Nowayoutonlydown · 26/12/2021 10:08

Nope, not bloody normal at all.

godmum56 · 26/12/2021 10:14

Simples. Next christmas he drives. I like a breakfast cocktail but don't do it now because last christmas old dog had an injury and I was up all night with him then down to the vets for meds on christmas day. When you have responsibilities, then your own choices go second. Drinking till you puke is deeply unnattractive no matter how little booze it takes and hangovers cease to be fun in early adulthood imo. Tell you partner to grow the fuck up.

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2021 10:15

I would say amounts of alcohol at Christmas have reduced in my world. Used to have glass of bubbles with presents after church or just before lunch. Then wine with the main meal, whether it was lunch or dinner. The wine would flow quite freely for us but with food and tbh it would be rare to have more than 3 glasses.

Christmas this year was dry for the whole house as I was driving and had a guest with a brain injury and early dementia, just not interested in seeing effect of alcohol on all that lot.

I think three problems here. He clearly equates Christmas with drinking. He starts much too early in the day and then can't stop. He thinks that he has to drink at each separate house you go to.

Don't ban him from drinking, it doesn't work. Just tell him how much you would enjoy Christmas if he were able to take part and you weren't worrying about him puking.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 26/12/2021 10:16

Yeah it’s ridiculous obviously thinks it’s Christmas, surely nobody enjoy drinking to excess from 8am that you can’t remember the day itself. We had a glass of Buck’s Fizz with breakfast then a glass of Prosecco about 1pm when preparing dinner another glass with dinner .

CovidForChristmas · 26/12/2021 10:25

What will your DC’s memories of Christmas be like? Dad getting shitfaced and puking all over the bathroom?
Nah. That’s got to stop.

appleturnovers · 26/12/2021 10:28

I know a lot of young people (in the sort of 18-30 range) who drink that much at Christmas, mainly because when you're an adult and you've got no kids of your own Christmas is a bit dull so it feels like drinking and eating to excess is the main way to make it exciting.

But once you've got kids of your own I really don't think it's fair to make the day all about you getting drunk. It's not fair on you (having to drive and presumably do all the responsible things while he's pissed) and it's not fair on your son either.

ReindeerPooppoo · 26/12/2021 10:32

When you tell him how unhappy this makes you what is his response? What would he say if you asked him to take a turn drivingone year? By driving him every year you are giving him the green light to behave like this yet again. Now that you have seen each and every reply to this thread say this is not acceptable what will you do differently? The above poster is right about the example he is setting, imagine how you will feel in years to come if your child has copied their dad and thrown up all over your Christmas.

Jacketpotato84 · 26/12/2021 10:47

No it's excessive, did he witness a family member doing this growing up? Does he think it's the "norm" if you don't like it say something to him He is that drunk around children? That's not ok, even if you are sober and there too.
A little tipple fine, but not to the point of throwing up

Starcup · 26/12/2021 10:49

That’s embarrassing for him. He must be absolutely guzzling it if he’s spewing. I’d be raging if I were your dad, I bet his bathroom is stinking now. Vile

Looneytune253 · 26/12/2021 11:13

Next year tell him it's your turn for a drink so he must stay sober to drive. At least then that limits his drinking till the evening at least.

Original poster
Unsername1233 · 26/12/2021 11:14

Thanks everyone so much for your input. We have had brief words this morning and I have had an apology, but we're going to talk about it this evening when DS is in bed as it's not a brief conversation which is needed.

Hopefully I can help him understand how it makes me feel, and see if he wants to change. I can't spend the years to come dreading one of the best days of the year because of his behaviour. 8 years is far too many as it is.

I really appreciate everyone support. Thanks x

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 26/12/2021 11:32

He needs to address the problem by acknowledging and owning his problem and deciding to do something positive about it.

Families of alcoholics always come away the worst, while the person concerned carries on behaving as before. It will not get better unless he decides to change.

billy1966 · 26/12/2021 11:37

OP, that sounds just so awful.

How you have tolerated 8 years is beyond me.

You do realise that this will quickly become your childs memory of Christmas?

I think it is more than a conversation.

This is deal breaker stuff.

This is no normal and I would not want my child around this 5 times a year.

His drinking needs addressing.

If he is dismissive of you and what you say, he is gaslighting you.

Your Christmas day and how you describe it, is how I imagine the houses of alcoholics spend it.

One alcoholic member of a family ruining Christmas for everyone.

Who cleaned up his vomit?

You?

If you did, you need to find some self respect and anger.

This is just dreadful behaviour....year in, year out.

Don't lose your youth to someone so selfish.

NellieBertram · 26/12/2021 11:42

I drink all day at Christmas - bucks fizz in the morning, wine with lunch, cocktails in the afternoon, baileys in my coffee.
But I never get more than tipsy and certainly haven't drunk enough to make myself sick or give myself a hangover since I was about 22!

Larryyourwaiter · 26/12/2021 12:09

My FIL did this. I’d say he had quite a low tolerance for alcohol (he would never admit this) he would try and start at breakfast time. He would drink everything he saw, mixing drinks, stealing drinks. He would get paralytic and puke. One of the many reasons I dreaded Christmas with them and they spoiled them for the children quite often.

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