What actually makes you (me) happy?

[MintMe]

I'll preface this by saying I've had a good Christmas Day. At the in laws with extended family so busy and chaotic but lovely. However, there have been very few times I've felt happy today - despite DS4 really getting the magic of it. I know this is normal, the overhyping of the day etc...

I took the dog for a walk at about 6pm and started to question myself about what actually makes me happy. There are a few things - walking, murder podcasts, a hot bath, home improvement magazines amongst others. And now I think I need to commit to fitting more of those things into my daily life.

Does anyone else do this? Or try to do this? Does it work?

Doing crafts. Going for a walk while holding hands with my DH. Trying out a new recipe. Watching a movie with the family. Playing board games with the family. Chatting with friends and relatives.

Love this question OP. Following to see what suggestions come up because I’ve been trying to do more of the same. I’ve settled on a breakfast that I love every day (same thing every morning) and an exercise class that I love twice a week (without fail, no matter what the home life drama). Two small examples of prioritising myself after years and years of not.

Listening to my kids reading. Spending a good few hours in the kitchen cooking up all sorts with netflix on in the background. Driving on a country lane when it's empty and just feeling the freedom of it.

What makes me happy is having my husband's undivided attention and doing something fun together. This goes not happen as often as I would like because, well, life!
Call me boring but chilling at home with a good book makes me happy. Having a clean tidy house, cuddling my children. I also feel happy when I'm taking care of myself and getting done exercise

Oooooh.... good question! Working on this with my therapist this last few weeks. Will report back.

Hmmmm good question. I think for me it’s feeling that I’m on top on things and organised. I have ADHD and feeling overwhelmed stresses me. My house doesn’t need to be a pristine show home, it just needs to be clean, tidy and organised in the context of having 3 DC. I also like to be up to date with work stuff and ensuring I can do the best job possible. Luckily, the ADHD has the effect of making me super busy so as long as I have time to do this then it’s great! I listen to podcasts on my headphones and shut out the world or I have lovely long phone calls with friends and charge about at home getting things done when the DC and DH are at school or work. I get a bit of an endorphin rush from it - much like people who like going to the gym / running do.

Country dog walks are also fab.

Obvs can’t do this at work as I work in an ICU! but that’s a busy place so I keep moving and keeping everything going. It’s a career very very suited to me.

I’m not some whirling, never standing still dervish, but being busy really suits me.

I also (to contradict all of that) like looooong hot baths and early nights dicking about on MN

Walking my dog through the nearby fields just soaking up the atmosphere and birdsong, seeing the changing of the seasons etc. Just me and him exploring together.

Creative crafts ie painting, dressmaking, knitting etc. Anything that makes me forget the boring or stressful things in life.
It's so important to take some time just for yourself OP especially when you have young children.

I’ve been thinking about this recently too. I have. GREAT life. But feel like it should be more, like I should be happier. I don’t feel I’m passionate about anything. I envy people who are, even if I don’t like what they are passionate about! I wish I had a hobby/ religion/ sport or some such that I was obsessed with.

Following, feel similar to the last poster. Work and child fill my life up and although we have everything we need I feel a gap for me somehow

A good jigsaw.

When my family are healthy and happy im happy. Nature. Standing on the beach watching the sea. Seeing a fox or badger really lifts my soul. Walking through woods. Sitting by an open fire with the wind howling on a stormy night. Bliss

Great thread. For me a bit of crochet and also podcasts (but usually only to fall asleep to). I need to try to find a way to get a more time but not easy as single parent to 2 preschoolers and work full time so probs get about an hour a week maybe downtime? Sounds v little but week days are just running the gauntlet

A lovely cup of tea
Lighting an expensive candle
Taking dog for a walk
Listening to the radio
Cleaning my car
Driving my car listening to Bluetooth music
Having a meal out that I don't have to cook
Cuddling my 2 DD's

Reading and books! Relaxing baths... being by myself mostly 😳

I felt the same way today, OP. Forced to spend time with people and I feel guilty I don't enjoy it but I am so happy on my own 🙈

@Aderyn21

What makes me happy is having my husband's undivided attention and doing something fun together. This goes not happen as often as I would like because, well, life! Call me boring but chilling at home with a good book makes me happy. Having a clean tidy house, cuddling my children. I also feel happy when I'm taking care of myself and getting done exercise

I definitely feel happier and more at peace when the house is clean, tidy and organised. Washing done, pots away, uniforms in drawers etc...

I've realised, and I never thought I'd say this, that work, and doing well at work, really makes me happy. I've always felt like work should been something to endure rather than enjoy but the older I get, the better at my job I've become and that means I do actually enjoy it.

@MintMe I've really been asking myself the same question lately. I don't think I've felt 'happy' much, and if I have it's been fleeting and more like a moment of peace.

I think there's two things. The first, small things that make me more content like a cup of tea & a book , a clean home, the dc in bed early enough I have some peace & quiet, a nice walk. But I think I'm lacking deeper happiness lately. Going to be thinking about this one.

I'd also suggest looking up love languages. So much of how we feel in relationships comes down to love languages and the difference between ours & our partners.

The 8 hours a day that DH is at work and it's just me, the 2 dogs and 2 DC!

Yes, absolutely people do/should take time to work out what's makes them happy and endeavour to spend more time doing that. Those things make for great New Years resolutions.

I love walks in country parks, doing toddler crafts (with or without a toddler!!) & reading. But like a lot of people it often feels easier to pick up MN or turn on crap TV instead even though those occupations don't nourish me in the same way.

Seeing friends, especially old friends
Cuddling my children
Crossing things off a to-do list
Doing well at work
When people notice the effort I've put into something and show appreciation
A really good book (and the time to read it)
Seeing my family
When something really good happens to someone I care about (a friend who has been TTC gets pregnant)
A piece of clothing that looks good on me

What a lovely thread.
A relatively clean tidy house.
No overflowing washing basket.
Candles.
My pets.
Tea.
Blankets on the sofa.
Being clean and smelling nice.
Being on my own.
Work. I absolutely need to work for my mental well-being.
The sea.

Geez, reading this, on the whole it seems like women don't want extravagant things. If the average man regularly tidied the house, made a cup of tea and allowed his wife time to read a book/listen to a podcast I feel like there would be fewer divorces.

Walking by the sea/a river.
A bath with a book.
My children being happy.
My house being tidy.
Completing a task in full.
My work being appreciated (I know it should be enough just to know that I’ve done a good job…)

Knitting, cooking, my allotment. I've just ordered some seeds and I'm looking forward to planting them. I really like giving the flat a big hoover. I like getting the women's weekly trash mags like take a break and sitting down with them when the toddler is in bed!

The sea
Good coffee
Walks in nature
Yoga
Crafts
Listening to my dc get an attack of the giggles
Farm animals

Very occasionally when the dc aren't here I'll have 2 glasses of wine and a joint while watching a movie on Netflix The combination gives me such a nice feeling and reminds me of my misspent youth.

Good question. I think I’m happiest when we’re all (me, DH and DDs) cuddled up on the couch in pyjamas watching a film with the fire on after a lovely day out with family. Usually somewhere outdoors then a nice meal out. House is clean and tidy, organised for the next day.