AIBU to tell you that I talked to the Ghost of Christmas Future…

[5YearsLeft]

… and she wants next year to be better for you?

I’m probably just keeping this username until I’m done now, since I’ve only got five years left until I’m dust (crap diagnosis 1 Dec of five years left with a rare vasculitis-like condition, already one bleed on the brain, it’ll eventually take out all my veins, the end), but that means I’m an ideal person to get a message from the Ghost of your Christmas Future. She didn’t come for those who had perfect Christmases (sorry!). She’s here those who were on here today asking whether TABU to put up with abuse (at any age), if they’re allowed to escape it next year, even if it means leaving someone alone (at any age), if TABU to resent the stress and the travel and the fact that they can’t even enjoy their own Christmas, even in the non-abusive situations.

The scary ghost guy who played Christmas Future in Christmas Carol was on zero hours and lost the contract for shite customer service and this new Ghost of Christmas Future wants one thing: you to be happy next year. You to avoid the people who treat you badly, whether that person is your mother or your husband. You to be with the people who make you happy, and if you’d rather be alone, then that. Or just with your children, that, too. Yes, it’s too late for this year, but it’s not too late to start disentangling yourself from the people who hurt you during the next 12 months, putting yourself on the counseling list of you need help, talking to Womens Aid if you receive abuse from your husband on Christmas that carries over to every other day, even starting with a call to Samaritans if things very, very difficult right now.

But you are 100% allowed to have this mantra: I will never have a Christmas like this again. I control my Christmas now. No one will use pain, or abuse, or guilt, to take it from me.

You do not owe people your mental health just because they’re blood-related to you. It can be a hard thing to learn and a harder thing ti live, but sometimes you MUST, to save yourself. You cannot light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, even if you’re a Yule log.

I personally only have five Christmases left, and my wish for this one is that all the people posting things that are hurting so much today, find ways by next Christmas to be out of those situations on December 25, 2022. That will be my fourth Christmas left. Even if it’s just spending a whole day with someone who makes snide comments about you, DON’T do it; you’re special, and you don’t deserve that. You’re no one’s doormat; you’re a viper.

So… wish upon a star.
Then have a [gin.]
Then come to MN for support on how to fix the problem. That’s what I did with mine, and I don’t know what kind of shape I’d be in if I hadn’t.

A very merry Christmas, you MN vipers.

YANBU - Damn right. I’m going to mentally flounce right out of here (even if I physically can’t) and not put up with this shite next year.

YABU - Wait, who? I should have eased up on Bucks Fizz

@SkepticalSandra

This doesn’t seem real. I’m wondering is this a fake post, as so many are these days. Lots of medical professionals in my life and never has one given a five year outlook…

If it is, the amount of people using tragic stories to fulfill their need for attention is disgusting

My friend was given a very poor prognosis earlier this year with oesophageal cancer, with liver and pelvic metastases. She was never given a definite number of months/years, but was advised to get her affairs in order, and build bridges if any needed building, with her family.

At no point was she told she was dying. Even in the hospice, she was told she was there to manage her symptoms and that she would go home.

She didn't. She left this world 3 weeks ago.

She and her husband were given, I feel, false hope, that she would be able to live with cancer for a while before the end.

Sadly, and heartbreakingly, her life drew to a close less than 6 months after the initial diagnosis.

I think any medical professional is foolhardy in the extreme to give a person a finite amount of time left. I also think it's wrong not to tell the person straight out that the illness they have is life limiting and the time left will be short.

Thank you. Hoping I won't be alone next year. I'd love to see my family again (it's been 6 months) and my DP.
I am sorry about your diagnosis and thinking of you xx

@LaChristmasBella I’m truly sorry about your friend and I don’t think that’s right at all - to tiptoe around death like that when someone has such a serious prognosis, and to give them as you called it “false hope” when the time is going by so quickly without them realizing it.

I’ve tried to answer in other posts that once my disease progresses to a certain phase, people usually live for a MAXIMUM of five years and that’s how I’ve chosen to view it. My doctor told me in such a manner that I shouldn’t make plans after five years, but yes, I could also get a blood clot and die two months from now. So I hope I’m not ignoring that I could die anyway, while also trying to at least grasp a five-year plan.
@SkepticalSandra Since this struck at least you and someone else as possibly seeking attention, I think it’s best that I ask for the thread to be deleted. I think there are other threads that are probably more helpful.

And all those who are determined to have better, happier, healthier, more wanker-free Christmases next year, I hope you get them!

Also I just wanted to say, @Anordinarymum, it sounds like you’ve struck the healthy balance we’re all looking for. While I’m sorry your son isn’t there, sometimes having beautiful memories can be such a comfort. I hope that your Christmases continue to be drama-free and all that you want them to be!

I wish for you to receive all the goodwill you are putting out to the world, back tenfold OP.

Both sad and beautiful post.
Please can I spend Christmas alone next year, in a cottage somewhere.
We got to Boxing Day teatime without an argument, despite only spending 3 hours together in that time. My kids about who has stolen whose clothes. Again. They hate each other. Yes, they are old enough to leave on their own.

Thank you @5YearsLeft your words have really touched me. I hope we can all check in next Christmas again. For now, happy Christmas from me

@5YearsLeft I love this, thank you so much

@Twillow Ah, I’m sorry to hear about that. If what you want is a nice, quiet, cosy cottage for one and a Christmas by yourself, then you’re entitled to that! One of the worst feelings is “waiting” for the fight to start, so I hope that’s not your next Christmas.

What did you do for Christmas OP?

Happy 2022 OP. I think this thread reminds all of us that we cannot take good health and a long life for granted. Cheesy though it may be, life should be taken one day at time, and we should live each day as if it is our last.

Hiya @5YearsLeft ~~
I don't have the brain cells to type out a long response which I'd prefer to write, but I just want to tell you that this is the first thing that has inspired me in a while.
And I know that this wasn't how you quite intended it, but I am using this as inspiration to (re)start my project today, to be done by Chrimbo!

I've read some of your other threads/posts, and have a heavy heart for you. That sucks so much. This is what I am afraid of for myself (also affecting DH) and that I won't have time to finish what I need to do.

Thank you for taking the time for trying to help those of us who are floundering.

And I don't think this thread should be a one-time-round. I think it can be an on-going one, to inspire us all year round. Especially as more and more will see it for the first time.
I think most everyone will have something (large or small) in life to consider.

Mine is clearing a hoarder house, so that I (and mainly DH, and FIL) can have a better Christmas next (this) year. I know exactly what I need to do -- I just need to do it, without stalling-out or getting sidetracked.

Thank you, and sending you a big, comforting hug.

@AccidentalHoarder Good for you! I’m so glad to hear you’re (re)starting your project!

Please, don’t be afraid you won’t have time to finish! I’ve had to deal with that, too, and you know, we have the time we have. It sounds like you’re going to try to make the most of it, and that’s absolutely the best we can do.

If your goal is to clear a hoarder house by next Christmas, break it into smaller pieces. Set just a part of the goal for February. Then March. Do come back and tell us how you manage! And remember, even something like a 50% completion of February’s goal is 100% more than you’d have had done before. As long as you tag me, I’ll be back here to cheer you on.

You deserve the type of home you want to live in, and if Christmas is a reason to help you reach for it, then… it’s a wonderful reason.

The very, very best of good luck, and some but not so much that it distracts you from your goals