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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a really mean thing to do?

87 replies

ButY · 25/12/2021 14:35

Regular poster but name changed.

Not sure if I'm overreacting but feeling really hurt.

I have quite bad anxiety, so Christmas is always a tricky day to negotiate but I'd say I have it quite well under control. And i definitely appreciate that the day is about my kids, not my issues, so I try my best to keep a lid on it and stay calm.

I'd made it through present giving, breakfast, family walk, was upstairs getting changed, literally no clothes on. Suddenly hear loads of noise downstairs. Shout down what's wrong, no answer. Next thing I hear screaming and DS2 shouting "Oh my god, oh my god!" Then DS1 starts screaming "DS1! DS1! Omg DS1" and DH joins in also screaming. They sound totally terrified, so I literally have a panic attack on the spot. Grab my dressing gown, have never run downstairs so fast in my life thinking something awful happened to DS1.

To find them all screaming in the lounge and a huge crack on tv screen which we only got last year. Simultaneously relieved Ds1 alive and furious about tv, as I also suffer with OCD symptoms and find any damage / marks very upsetting. Must admit I swore. Then they all start laughing hysterically. It's some stupid app that makes a tv screen look cracked.

I burst into tears and ran upstairs. They are all still laughing. I felt actually sick when the adrenaline kicked in, my heart was pounding. DH couldnt understand why I was so upset and cross and keeps saying I must have been up to something upstairs that got me upset!

I just feel ganged up on and like it's a horrid trick to play on someone, let alone someone with anxiety. And on Christmas. AIBU?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 25/12/2021 14:59

Yabvu it was a joke

hulahooper2 · 25/12/2021 15:07

Yabu , it was a joke , you need to calm down and apologise for overreacting then go on with enjoying Christmas Day

Ohyesiam · 25/12/2021 15:12

Oh love, that’s such a horrible way to start the morning 😣.
I’m going to steer totally clear of blame and whether or not it’s unreasonable, and just ask how much help you are getting for your anxiety 🌺.
I have suffered as much as you in the past and the thing I’ve found the most helpful is a therapy called Somatic Experiencing, it’s much much more effective than talking therapy and works quickly. You don’t have to talk about any trauma that caused or contributed to your anxiety, it’s very much about what you are feeling in that very second.

For me it’s been a huge new lease of life, I have much less fear and overwhelm. My life is really enhanced.
Best of luck on this journey, and hope your Christmas gets better.

PS it’s not about reasonable and unreasonable, that was intolerably painful for you, but the answer is likely more in your hands than you believe x

Holothane · 25/12/2021 15:14

My tv in the bedroom is my pride and joy my heart would stop if I saw this, no not funny.

Clarice99 · 25/12/2021 15:16

YANBU.

A joke is only funny if all parties find it so. With your history of anxiety/OCD, your DH should know better. Shame on him.

dworky · 25/12/2021 15:18

It is a mean thing to do to someone with anxiety issues.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 25/12/2021 15:19

A joke that makes you think your child is injured or dead is not fucking funny. I’d have been imagining a bloodbath after all that screaming. How's that funny?

This.

Your husband is an insensitive dickhead

diddl · 25/12/2021 15:19

YANBU.

What a horrible thing.

Wtf was your husband thinking?

ChiefStockingStuffer · 25/12/2021 15:19

@Coughee

I disagree. Yanbu. Your dh is an absolute dick if he knows you suffer from anxiety and he still played this stupid trick on you. And at the very least he could have apologised when he realised you weren't laughing along, not tried to put it on you.
This.

It's just very unkind. And on Christmas to boot when you're supposed to be making an effort. Not nice.

Comefromaway · 25/12/2021 15:20

That was not a joke. It wasn’t even slightly funny. I can just imagine the feeling of terror when you heard the screaming. Depending on the age is of your kids they can be forgiven. It would take a lot for me to forgive dh.

CheshireKitten123 · 25/12/2021 15:20

@WindyState

Yanbu. If you know somebody gets anxious about this stuff, then it's a dick move to do it.

Practical jokes are usually the preserve of wankers at the best of times.

Exactly
godmum56 · 25/12/2021 15:21

I would say thoughtless rather then deliberately cruel.....and you must manage your anxiety like a real star if they thought you would be ok with it.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 25/12/2021 15:22

@hulahooper2

Yabu , it was a joke , you need to calm down and apologise for overreacting then go on with enjoying Christmas Day
She needs to apologise for having anxiety and a panic attack?! No you fucking don’t, op.
dhdislsndh · 25/12/2021 15:23

I think this is really horrible personally. I would be angry and upset if DH and DC did this to me. I don't think you are being unreasonable and it would put a sour mood on the day

diddl · 25/12/2021 15:23

"DH couldnt understand why I was so upset and cross and keeps saying I must have been up to something upstairs that got me upset!"

Horrible man.

His non joke falls flat & instead of apologising he gets angry.

Shoxfordian · 25/12/2021 15:24

Yab a little unreasonable but they should know better than to joke like that

Kanfuzed123 · 25/12/2021 15:32

@FFSFFSFFS

Yeah it was mean. But I imagine you are quite difficult to live with. I have enormous amounts of emparthy for anxiety - but some people polled become very self centred in their anxiety and it sounds like this could be you -
What a vile thing to say. There is nothing in the OP that makes her sound difficult to live with. Horrible comment
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 25/12/2021 15:40

I would find that very difficult to forgive. You could have killed yourself running down the stairs (my cousin became paralysed when he fell down the stairs and he wasn't panicked or running).

They are all totally irresponsible.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/12/2021 15:40

Pranks are what years do. Anyone with empathy doesn't find them funny. The person's distress is funny? Only if you're a child or an arsehole.

YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/12/2021 15:41

@MrsTerryPratchett

Pranks are what years do. Anyone with empathy doesn't find them funny. The person's distress is funny? Only if you're a child or an arsehole.

YANBU.

Not years. Arses.
ofwarren · 25/12/2021 15:42

YANBU. I would have cried too OP.

daisydaisy11 · 25/12/2021 15:42

Wouldn't have been so funny had you tripped and fell down the stairs trying to get to the "emergency". Not funny at all pretending someone is hurt. I would be angry too.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/12/2021 15:43

@Andariego

Ah this video has over a hundred million views on YouTube, I think most families have played this trick at some point! Kids find this stuff hilarious.

They honestly weren’t trying to be malicious Smile

Kids, no, not malicious.

A fully grown man participating when he knows the victim will be incredibly distressed, though? Absolutely malicious.

MONSTERSALAD · 25/12/2021 15:49

I loathe practical jokes and pranks. They always seem to hinge on somebody being unaware and excluded and I think that's just nasty.

I'd echo what a PP said, though - you must be an absolute pro at managing your anxiety if they didn't think you'd find that upsetting. Surely most people would be a bit panicked and then pissed off if they heard their family screaming like someone had cut their jugular downstairs and then it turned out to be a juvenile, idiotic joke, let alone someone who has anxiety and is always going to be a bit more tightly wound?

Faretheewellmyfairyfay · 25/12/2021 15:51

I think it's a horrid thing to do in this particular set of circumstances and YANBU, although in some families it'd be okay. But my sense of humour isn't really into 'pranks'. I think if they are still mocking you once they realise why it wasn't funny to you and made you anxious (presumably when you've been working hard to make all their Christmases lovely, as well), and aren't saying "oh sorry Mummy, put your feet up and have a drink while we do {whatever it it that needs doing}" then they're a bit off.