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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if anyone is spending Christmas with thier ex?

40 replies

Undecidedandtorn · 25/12/2021 13:44

I realise its not for everyone and almost impossible if you have children from a different relationship but surely it's not just me spending Christmas day with my ex and our children?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/12/2021 14:04

Personally I wouldn't do this. I'm amicable with ex husband but I wouldn't want to spend Christmas day with him, we alternate years with DS.

DiamondBright · 25/12/2021 14:05

Difficult when my exH is too ashamed to look at me.

cadburyegg · 25/12/2021 14:11

Yes I am

Original poster
Undecidedandtorn · 25/12/2021 14:12

@DiamondBright

Difficult when my exH is too ashamed to look at me.
I'm so sorry to read this - it sounds hard.
OP posts:
Original poster
Undecidedandtorn · 25/12/2021 14:16

@cadburyegg

Yes I am
How is it going? Mine has been pretty good so far
OP posts:
PotatoGoblins · 25/12/2021 14:17

Yes.
Me, ex, and our 3 young DCs. It’s been fine so far. We are pretty much best mates.

Original poster
Undecidedandtorn · 25/12/2021 14:20

@PotatoGoblins

Yes. Me, ex, and our 3 young DCs. It’s been fine so far. We are pretty much best mates.
Brilliant! Good to hear. Can I ask if either of you have a new bf/gf/partner? Me and my ex are both single so wondering if that makes a difference?
OP posts:
time2tork · 25/12/2021 14:25

I think it's personal preference.

People grow and change, ex Husbands personality and character is not my cup of tea and not someone I'd choose to be around.. so we alternate Christmas.

Pretty sure he thinks the same about me 😂

Plus his new wife wouldn't want me there and she never wants to pop in mine for a coffee when she picks the kids up so..

We're good with our arrangement and the kids have a great time at both houses.

We pretty much raise them with the same standard and principles so no confusion to the kids little minds and wonders.

YouReallyAre · 25/12/2021 14:35

I am! Neither of us are ready for alternating Christmases yet so for now this works. We are both seeing other people but not at the stage where spending the day with them comes above our DC.

PotatoGoblins · 25/12/2021 14:37

@Undecidedandtorn we’ve not been separated long, so no new partners on the scene for either of us! We did get married very very young, and had 3 kids in quick succession, and fell into that trap of living more as housemates than husband and wife. It’s almost as if nothing in the way we interact with eachother has really changed much since the split - we’ve been nothing more than best friends since our youngest was born 2 years ago anyway!

runsmidgeOMG · 25/12/2021 15:48

Yep !! I live with my DP and DD. DxH (transitioning to be female) has been here since 11 to do presents and lunch. She'll take our DD home with her for Boxing Day with her family. Currently I'm sat watching tv with a box of chocs on my lap whilst Dx builds her toys, DP cooking dinner ! Bloody lovely ! merry Christmas all!! Xmas Smile

JaceLancs · 25/12/2021 15:50

Yes my ex is a good friend - we have spent every Xmas together apart from the first year we split
Ex is not father to my adult DC but parented them for quite a few years - they are very fond of him too

esloquehay · 25/12/2021 16:18

I absolutely would do, but he's spending Christmas in Spain with his Mother and sisters (he's Spanish).

3scape · 25/12/2021 16:39

Hell no. He's been kicked out by his girlfriend who has finally had enough and is alone on his boat (not really a live aboard but he's desperate). Still not about to invite him round. It's my day too. I'm not a doormat. Please don't be all snippy to people who choose to NOT make space for people who have inflicted harm on them. I can't see my kids would get much from it either. Surely it's just confusing. I won't teach my children to suck it up for "family".

feelsobadfeltsogood · 25/12/2021 16:45

My mates sister invites her ex every year to dinner (they have 2 children together) and she has another with her new partner and he's very supportive - they're all adults and just get on with it for the kids
It might not be for everyone but as my mates sis says he comes 9am and clears off after the queens speech with the kids to his Mums for tea so works fine

GregTheEgg · 25/12/2021 16:47

I used to spend Xmas morning with my XH. A couple of times we’d all go over to DP’s for Xmas lunch with his ex and her family Grin. However his ex is a lazy bitch and it just annoyed me helping with lunch while she sat on her lazy arse drinking wine so I stopped going.

Recently split with DP and XH is working abroad now so it’s just me and the DCs this year, but I don’t think it’s particularly odd tbh. If you get on ok and it makes the kids happy why not.

GregTheEgg · 25/12/2021 16:54

And no 3 - I’d never expect anyone who’s ex had treated them badly to suck it up for the DCs. However lots of exes are actually reasonably amicable once the dust settles.

SnowWhitesSM · 25/12/2021 16:59

I am. Recently split, haven't got shared dc but our dc get on really well so we're doing Xmas together. It's going OK but I cant help making 'funny smart comments' now I've had too many wines Xmas Grin. We went halves on the dinner and I cooked it all. He's now cleaning it all up with the dc. We're going to play some card games and then he is going to get going!

I don't know whether this was the right thing to do or not but the dc are happy.

Whichcatthatcat · 25/12/2021 17:17

He came round to give the kids presents. Stayed for 30 mins then left, saying he was going to his girlfriends mum for the day.
DC were not impressed that he was in a hurry to leave them to go and see other people's kids.

Hopelesslystuck · 25/12/2021 18:00

Absolutely not. We have all tested positive (ex included - in fact he was the one who gave it to the rest of us) for covid and I am in isolation with the children… ex husband is spending it with his family despite the fact he should also be isolating.

3yo is very clever and said today.. “we have coronavirus and daddy has coronavirus so we can go see him?”

Hadn’t the heart to tell her daddy, clearly, is not a bit arsed.

namechangeagain32 · 25/12/2021 18:09

My parents did this the first couple of years before my dad's new GF put a stop to it, I loved it and was very appreciative of my parents doing it. It made the transition to split households much easier.

youllneverknow · 25/12/2021 18:23

My partner went over to stay at his ex's last night so that he can wake up with his kids on Christmas day. He does it every year and I'm fine with it. My ex turned up at our house at 6.15 am this morning to open presents with our daughter. I love that we all get on for the sake of our children

namechange202086 · 25/12/2021 18:29

I am! It's been fine and no major dramas. I'm hoping by next year we will be doing our own thing...

altiara · 25/12/2021 19:16

I am. Split with DH last year. I hosted last year and he is hosting this year. This year he bought me out of the family home so it’s been a couple of years of upheaval and kids said this is what they’d like this year so trying to make it easier on them.
Probably be different next year.

CatFaceCats · 25/12/2021 19:18

I spent the morning with mine. Took the kids down at 9, was gonna just drop and leave them but I was invited in for pancakes and presents and I wasn’t gonna say no.
Tbf, we get on really well, no blurred boundaries and his parents were there too. I left with the kids about 11 to drive to my parents.