Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Does it matter if my bf does this with my art

32 replies

Maddymorphosis · 25/12/2021 07:29

I really like drawing, and have been doing it for a couple of years now.
I think i realised that I am nowhere near as good as I thought I was, but that's ok.

Sometimes when I'm drawing, my partner who I live with will make comments and try and edit my drawings.

I don't necessarily ask for his feedback either. Last night I was drawing a well-known singer and he said 'You've done the nose wrong'

Then 'his face isn't meant to look like that'

'I don't think that's quite how it is'

He took a pencil and almost started trying to take over but I batted his hand away and told him to leave me to do it how I wanted.

Then he said to me that I 'have the potential to be good at drawing' which hurt a bit.

And he will describe completed drawings as 'a start'.

He does art himself as a hobby.
He told me he's 'just trying to help' but sometimes it just makes me feel bad.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't like it, I know, I only do it for me.

I have another friend who is a professional artist and designer. I had been on holiday and taken photos, put them online. Without me saying anything she said "You're much better at taking photos than you used to be!"
It seemed a bit of a backhanded compliment and I hadn't really asked for such an opinion.

Am I being too sensitive? I don't think I'd have the gumption to make such comments, I'd try to give constructive feedback if asked for it but also to be positive.

OP posts:

grapewine · 25/12/2021 07:34

Your boyfriend sounds like an arrogant arse. The photograph thing I wouldn't mind as much.

LawnFever · 25/12/2021 07:35

Your DP is treating you like a child who he thinks needs guidance, tell him to shut up and back off, I’d be so annoyed at someone doing that.

I think your friends comment on the photos was a compliment that your photography has improved, I don’t see that as backhanded.

IncompleteSenten · 25/12/2021 07:36

Saying you've improved is not a backhanded compliment. It's praise.

With your boyfriend tell him to butt out.

Sea62648 · 25/12/2021 07:36

Have you told your partner how his comments make you feel? I think with your friend you're being over sensitive

RedRobin100 · 25/12/2021 07:37

@grapewine

Your boyfriend sounds like an arrogant arse. The photograph thing I wouldn't mind as much.

Agree

Nip it in the bud. Tell him to eff off and worry about his own drawing skills - you’re not in the market for a teacher or a critic

AntennaReborn · 25/12/2021 07:37

Your boyfriend doesn't sound very nice or supportive. I would personally find his behaviour quite hurtful

Original poster

Maddymorphosis · 25/12/2021 07:38

Yes maybe I was being too sensitive re the friend but it seems that I was right about my partner

He does this most times I draw, sometimes he will say some are cool but other times he will say 'wtf is that' and burst out laughing

OP posts:

dreamygirl25 · 25/12/2021 07:40

I'm a professional artist and I would never, ever comment on someone else's art unless the specifically asked me to. Everyone should draw and really try and see the world and the slightest negative to someone who volunteers their time can put them off.
Saying that, if you go to art school you are scrutinised daily on not being good enough and how to be better 😂😂🎨
I think your friend about the photos was just trying to be nice but your boyfriend needs to be told to wait for an invite to critique.
Unless you are drawing and say 'what do you think?' and he takes that as his opportunity?

StormBaby · 25/12/2021 07:41

He’s trying to keep your wings clipped so you don’t get better than him. I’d probably look him dead in the eye and say ‘are you threatened by me?”. They don’t like it when you do that.

Dozer · 25/12/2021 07:41

BF’s behaviour is awful.

Friend’s comment was fine.

dreamygirl25 · 25/12/2021 07:41

@Maddymorphosis

Yes maybe I was being too sensitive re the friend but it seems that I was right about my partner

He does this most times I draw, sometimes he will say some are cool but other times he will say 'wtf is that' and burst out laughing

What an arse. You should make the same comment during sex!

Grimchmas · 25/12/2021 07:43

The way the friends phrased their comment was a bit twatty.

The boyfriend's comments on your art are at best tone deaf and at worst a red flag for the relationship. If you haven't already told him, tell him once and clearly that you do NOT want constructive criticism on your artwork unless you specifically ask for it on a specific piece - and then see what he does. If he can't help himself, then he's really showing you then he's really telling you how little he thinks of you.

LadyWithLapdog · 25/12/2021 07:45

Your BF should have got the message by now. DP used to butt in when I cooked, he's much better than me. I had to tell him how irritating it was and now he leaves the kitchen so he doesn't blurt out advice.

RowsOfHolly · 25/12/2021 07:45

Your boyfriend is being very irritating. Just tell him you don’t want his critique unless you ask for it. And to get in with doing his own drawings.

Your friends comment I would interpret as ‘you are really developing your eye / skill, I can see how much you have improved’ and is a compliment.

Whatsdamatta · 25/12/2021 07:47

I draw with other people in a group - there’s such a kind, supportive atmosphere in it. I would critique your boyfriend’s work. Be as harsh as you like. When he’s offended say ‘yeah, not nice is it’. And whenever he comments on yours, tell him you don’t want his unkind feedback. This kind of shit is unnecessary, he’s just trying to keep you down and unsure of yourself. Do keep up your art, it’s a lovely hobby.

PicaK · 25/12/2021 07:51

Boyfriend =arse. Friend=clumsy wording but expressing admiration.
Keep drawing.

mintyme · 25/12/2021 07:52

Your BF is rude and arrogant.

I’d also be wondering if you are actually more talented than he is and he sees this as a threat, so puts you down to discourage you/lower your confidence.

I’d be giving him a short, sharp retort over this or otherwise reevaluating my relationship with him as he seems to have little respect for you. The people around you should build you up, and make you feel good, not tear you down on a daily basis.

HourglassTigger · 25/12/2021 07:54

Your post struck me as such a succinct example of what it costs to expose your personal efforts when even your nearest and dearest feel its ok to critique. Not being an artist I don't have insight - but I'm the family cook ... every dish I produce is exposed to five or six wannabe food critics. Ummm yep I can taste myself if it should have been pre-salted or taken off the heat earlier - HOW DOES IT HELP when you so kindly point out every bite that is short of Masterchef quality? Every dish is a few well spent (enjoyable!) moments of my time that someone, by opening their big mouth, may somehow rob of their value.
But it is liberating to develop a thicker skin and to learn the difference between careless intended as encouraging comments - who can be put in their place with a raised eyebrow, 'oh cheers for that!' and 'negging' - which needs to be mercilesslessly massacred every single time.
On the basis of what you've said? Explain to your boyfriend you dont particularly want to spend your life furtively drawing and hiding every sketch under lock and key and that YOU will ask him for advice if and when you seek it. If he disregards that and keeps it up, well ...

EmmasMum12 · 25/12/2021 07:56

What do you say when he is so rude? Because if you just take his rudeness with no comment he will continue to be rude.

Top tip - tell him to Fuck Off.

billy1966 · 25/12/2021 08:01

@EmmasMum12

What do you say when he is so rude? Because if you just take his rudeness with no comment he will continue to be rude.

Top tip - tell him to Fuck Off.

Why are you accepting this?

Why are you wasting time with someone who your gut is telling you is off?

Dump him and his unasked for opinions.

He's just another competitive man who can't bear a woman doing something better than him so he has to put you down.

He's an insecure arse.

marriedmadness · 25/12/2021 08:05

I'm a bit torn here, if he is saying you have a lot of potential but could improve maybe this is his way of helping you? Have you made it clear that this is just for fun and you aren't interested in 'improving?'., I have a friend who draws and thinks she is very good, when really it primary school stuff. I would never tell her that though as I have no reason to, but she gets very annoyed when friends don't buy her finished pieces.

Whatsdamatta · 25/12/2021 08:05

every dish I produce is exposed to five or six wannabe food critics
Ugh @HourglassTigger I know that one!!! Everyone is a bloody Masterchef in my house too And it’s the biggest day of the year for them to all come into the kitchen, scratching their arses and looking to see what way I’m planning on glazing the ham and how many choices of starters we’re having. They can all fuck off! Ho ho ho

PegasusReturns · 25/12/2021 08:08

Your boyfriend is an arse. How much depends on whether your drawing is a 3/10 or 10/10.

SilverHighlights · 25/12/2021 08:09

I’m a hobby artist too, OP.

Personally, I don’t think it’s polite to critique someone’s work unless they are clear that critique is welcome.

There is a way to be constructive with criticism, and what your boyfriend is doing is not it.

I would go bonkers if my DH grabbed a pencil and tried to make changes to my work. I attend a weekly class, and if we get stuck with something my tutor explicitly asks for permission to touch our work, every time.

So no, I don’t think his behaviour is okay. It bothers you, and quite rightly I’d say.

Prescottdanni123 · 25/12/2021 08:14

The art thing would annoy me.

The photography thing not so much, albeit I do photography as a hobby and if people tell me that I have improved I take it as a compliment and proof that I am progressing and all my study and practice has paid off.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread