to wonder how on Earth I’m going to rescue Christmas Eve?

[deaexmachina]

Ok I know this is a first world problem but I’m struggling to haul myself out of this low mood.

Barely slept last night which is standard although shit. DH had a breakdown a week ago and was nearly sectioned. He woke me in a panic in the middle of the night last night because the dog had eaten the bin and thrown up everywhere. He’s back in bed asleep now.

I’m up with DS who is autistic and pretty much climbing the walls today with the school/home transition, covid and everything else. He’s currently barefoot in the garden doing some sort of capoeira to calm himself down. I’ve been eating low carb but had chocolate yesterday so now have a headache from hell. There are no clean cups. I’m knackered and fed up and it’s supposed to be a nice day is Christmas Eve but I’m just not feeling it.

Added to all this I have ADHD and am struggling with my impulse control. Really trying hard to stay calm.

How am I going to pull this back and have some kind of ok Christmas? We are going for a big family meal tomorrow and here I am just trying to not scream.

Help me wave a magic wand mumsnetters!

When DH is up and awake could he not help you with the dc and house work? If not don't worry about it. Ingore it and just have a nice time with your family, even if it's watching films and scoffing your faces. X

Go out in the car and park up somewhere peaceful with some nice snacks and chill. Don't put any pressure on yourself about today. Nobody cares and nobody needs to know.

Make a list and work through it. Wash the mugs, have a cup of tea and watch a movie with DS (and doze through it if needed).

Prioritise getting some sleep, it'll make everything else easier to deal with. Can you have a nap today?

When DH is up can he look after your DC and you take some time for yourself, have a long bath, go for a walk, go to a coffee shop ... whatever is your 'thing'. Relax, housework can wait, sounds like you aren't hosting tomorrow so just chill out - easier said than done I appreciate.

I think a brisk 10 min walk round your neighbourhood by yourself might put yourself in a better frame of mind. A large glass of water to help with the headache and some christmassy music?

I don't think that sounds first world problems. It all sounds very stressful! Do whatever you need to to be calm. Christmas Eve can be whatever you want or need. Drink plenty of water if you have a headache. Watch something you enjoy and just chill as best you can.

It's just a day, it doesn't have to be special. Don't put pressure on yourself.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. A perfect Christmas eve is snuggled in a pyjama, a Christmas film, fairy lights on and some nibbles. Keep it simple.

If you're anything like me, just doing a little bit will help you feel less stressed. Can you take a few minutes to wash/dry/put away some cups so that's done and off your mind, then make yourself a nice hot drink (with an aspirin for that headache) and put a Christmas film on for you and DS? Have a doze while it's on.

If DS can't manage sitting for a film, maybe some kind of festive activity/game that will distract him from everything and keep him calm for a bit?

for you.

I agree with the poster who said to prioritise sleep! If you can’t have both parents asleep whist son is awake, let your husband finish his nap (only because he’s been so unwell - otherwise I’d say turf him the fuck out of bed!) then get a couple of hours sleep yourself.

I’d then go for a walk - but only if that works for you.

Mostly, drop any idea of a perfect day. It really really doesn’t matter.

Dinner tomorrow - will any of you enjoy it? If not, one of you can develop a suspicious cough and temperature. Gotta get some upside from Covid, right?!

Oh poor you. Christmas can be a bloody nightmare with anything difficult going on.

I agree with the PP who suggested getting out on your own for a while. Could you take a flask of coffee and a mince pie and go to the park? (Or somewhere!)

Before you go, do one domestic thing that will make a difference to how you feel about the house - load the dishwasher or tidy one room or something.

Sending

Woah take some pressure off yourself!! If you’re going for a big family meal tomorrow then today is a day to rest and feel up for it tomorrow. I have woken with a stinking migraine so I’ve resigned myself to not doing a great deal at all today.
Wash a cup make a coffee, let ds self regulate in the garden and take it easy.

Take off the pressure. Xmas eve is about survival not instagram moments. My DD is on the sofa watching TV and I’m tidying (hiding in the loo). Dinner is “eat what you fancy” which this year is apparently bread, cheese, ham, crisps and chocolate. I don’t cook big meals, we watch shit Xmas movies and eat crap. Everyone loves it.

What usually helps you? Personally I'd do a long walk, a really easy dinner and TV or screen time. Also don't put pressure on yourself for it to be a special day. We're basically alternating who cleans and who looks after the toddler while trying to get the older two to do a bit of tidying. There might be a Christmas film later but that's about as special as it gets.

You’re fine. Everything is fine. If you just get stuff done, make a list. Not big list stuff, small tiny tasks. Write some stuff down that you’ve already done so you can tick it off for a dopamine hit

Get up ✅
Get DS some exercise in the garden✅
Clean up dog sick ✅

Look how much you’ve achieved! Other stuff, if you can be arsed:

Clean cups
Allocate different container / bag to be new temporary bin

There. Have a good xmas, OP 🎄

Oh and: drink some water

What things really need doing?
What was today’s plan?

I think you are doing amazingly. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Ok take a deep breath, set a 15 mi ute alarm and tackle the kitchen
After the alarm goes off make yourself a cuppa and just relax for as long as DC will let you.
Then wake up dh and make a simple and realistic plan for the rest of the day.
I hope things improve op, and I know the alarm thing sounds crazy but when I'm completely overwhelmed this is what I do.

Doesn't sound like first world problems to me either. It sounds really tough so I think you should be really kind to yourself and not try and pressure yourself into some kind of exhausting magical Christmas eve.

Take the pressure off yourself. Sounds like your DS is doing what he needs to do to destress. You DH is also doing what he needs to do. Now forget the state of the house, the dishes etc. What do you need to do for you? A nap, a bath, a walk. Take it easy today and hopefully you will be rested enough to enjoy the day with family tomorrow. xxx

Firstly EAT. Sack of the low carb temporarily and feed yourself whatever your body wants.
Sleep when you can. Can you fit a nap in today? Prioritise some sleep today.
Let your soon do what he needs to do to regulate himself.
You don't need to save anything. Just let it be as it's going to be and take care of yourself.

There is no magic wand I'm afraid.

It sounds like today will be 9be of those days you just get through hour by hour, each one is an achievement.

Break down what must be done and do one thing at a time. Good luck and much love.

What makes you happy?
I love headphones and audiobook then pottering about or veg watching Christmas tv

Sound to me like everyone needs a calm day without dashing about, it's a bonus you are seeing family tomorrow so nothing to prepare that way.
Go for a walk, I was discribe go how I feel over Christmas to my autistic son... and how disjointed, fuzzy headed, "zingy" and overwhelmed it makes me and how going for a walk seems to help. He goes to a specialist school and said kindly, I think you are having sensory overload with all the things you have to do and organise as well as everything changing with decorations, people, change of routine and shopping and the walk "grounds" you. I was a bit stunned to be honest and it's the second time he has suggested I am autistic as well as adhd.

I am currently lying on the sofa with only veg to do now... the fact the turkey is not even a bit defrosted is not panicking me because I realise I can have it on Boxing Day if not done by the morning, there is plenty of food, I have changed and got rid of traditions so take away has gone tonight, we had it yesterday and finished what was left for lunch, which means no Chinese food taking up half the fridge on Christmas Day and people not wanting me the throw it away "in case" when we'll all know they won't eat it... got rid of 1 starter.... well it's a start and the others are all prepared and frozen last week! No wrapping this year, I have invested in decorative bags which can be reused, which is another job gone.

Have a happy Christmas by doing less xx
I love Christmas and it took me a long time to understand they did too but just less of it... less presents, less decoration, change of routine, less food, less me being stressed making Christmas perfect the first year I cottoned on to this was last year and I suggested lasagna, they decided they would prefer turkey and ham sandwiches... so I get my Christmas dinner that get food they like.