to wonder how on Earth I’m going to rescue Christmas Eve?

[deaexmachina]

Ok I know this is a first world problem but I’m struggling to haul myself out of this low mood.

Barely slept last night which is standard although shit. DH had a breakdown a week ago and was nearly sectioned. He woke me in a panic in the middle of the night last night because the dog had eaten the bin and thrown up everywhere. He’s back in bed asleep now.

I’m up with DS who is autistic and pretty much climbing the walls today with the school/home transition, covid and everything else. He’s currently barefoot in the garden doing some sort of capoeira to calm himself down. I’ve been eating low carb but had chocolate yesterday so now have a headache from hell. There are no clean cups. I’m knackered and fed up and it’s supposed to be a nice day is Christmas Eve but I’m just not feeling it.

Added to all this I have ADHD and am struggling with my impulse control. Really trying hard to stay calm.

How am I going to pull this back and have some kind of ok Christmas? We are going for a big family meal tomorrow and here I am just trying to not scream.

Help me wave a magic wand mumsnetters!

Do the bare minimum housework so you feel better when you look round. I hoovered, washed up and wiped the kitchen surfaces down (a bigger job than it should have been thanks ‘DP’).
Let the children do something they like that doesn’t hype them up any further and get a take away for dinner or a quick push it in the oven meal, think frozen chips, peas and battered fish. If you want to make the meal Christmassy pull some crackers, play Christmas music and have a nice instant pudding!
Christmas Eve is about survival, don’t pile the pressure on your self

Wash some mugs and clean a section of worktop.
Make yourself a big cup of strong tea.
Put your feet up and drink tea, in view of your ds, if needs be, of course.
Boot your do out of bed and tell him it's his turn to be alert because you have stuff to do. Get yourself out of the house for half an hour, whether that is for a Solo walk or to a supermarket or B&M or wherever for some paracetamol and a new, metal bin.

Whatever you do, be kind to yourself 💐

Don't think in terms of what the day is supposed to be like. Fate doesn't check the calendar before landing you with a challenging day or a low mood, and you can't save a day that's bad for reasons out of your control by willing it to be better. You'll just run yourself ragged and feel you've failed. Lower your bar for the day to subterranean levels and start from there. Theres loads of suggestions already about how to pass the time. Just focus on getting through, and it'll probably end up exceeding your (lowered) expectations.

I don’t have a solution OP but I understand how you feel and am sending you my love

I am a fellow ADHDer. One of my DC is waiting to be assessed for autism and also has horrendous night terrors (well, hopefully night terrors, waiting to see neurologist). We were up very late last night with her dashing around house like a disturbed zombie (nearly knocking Christmas tree over at one point) and completing traumatising her siblings (and ddog 😂)

Trying to pull it all together for Christmas today, and also have a few bits of outstanding work to do for a 5pm deadline (and in true ADHD style, have decided to start at 4pm but am also worrying about it not being done yet )

Currently eating stollen cake, kids on screens so I can have break, DH has gone out for some last minute bits, and I am muttering “it will all be okay”, mantra style.

I don’t think first world problems are ‘all problems which happen in the first world’. That sounds really stressful and you have every right to feel stressed about it!

So much love. DH had a serious, near fatal breakdown a couple of years ago. Unless you’ve been through it, it’s impossible to comprehend how it explodes your world. After months and months of trying to manage it, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only cure for me is silence and stillness when I can get it, just to reset. Don’t be afraid to call the Samaritans, you don’t need to be suicidal and they’ve been the only source of comfort in my day before now. Sometimes in the roar, there’s nothing to do but put your head down and keep going. Self care is, unfortunately, a luxury when things are that bad, so grab it when you can and don’t let it become an additional pressure. Does the family know how bad things are? Are they any help? Huge hugs

And I’m really sorry to hear about your DH - that sounds ridiculously tough at the best of times, never mind just before Christmas and with other pressure on top.

I just saw that @XmasElf10 said Christmas is about survival not about Instagram moments. I like that one

Not first world problems at all, it sounds really tough.

We have also had a really tough week health wise. Just got ds1 back from the hospital and nothing is done and as ds2 has COVID we are seeing no one. I am "saving Christmas" (well really saving my mental health) by massively decreasing my expectations for the day. Safe, warm and fed with a few presents is all I want now. X

And if you haven't wrapped DS presents from Santa yet (I only did mine yesterday) ... then stick them in a pillow case to be opened tomorrow. Saves me HOURS every year.

-Morning wine is ok, coffee with bailey's is better.
-Pajamas all day but take a shower and put on a clean pair after, you'll feel fantastic
-Once your husband is up he and your son can watch a movie while you nap
-if you're up for cleaning the kitchen do that when you wake up then order a massive takeaway for plenty of delicious leftovers (chinese?)

• be snuggly and cozy, play some silly games or build a fort, it will be magic

@Cheeeesecake - that’s exactly what op needs now. A clear set of instructions. 🤺

Thank you. You’re all lovely 🥰 you’ve actually made me cry a bit with your kindness

I managed to cobble together a cup of tea for me and sandwiches for me and DS. We loaded the dishwasher and took the dog out. Baby steps. One at a time.

DH is really unwell I can’t rely on him for much at the moment. No way I can nap in the daytime, am hanging on for whenever Santa manages to visit tonight then I can try for some sleep.

You’ve done brilliantly, OP, well done!

Can you veg out and watch a movie or do something else you’d enjoy this evening?

Lovely, you have such a lot on and seem to be holding everything together for everyone, glad you managed to get some food.
I'd personally sack the low carbing for now and stick to a choc and wine based diet, (like the rest of us) to get you through.

If it helps, my DD (who is adopted and has some emotional difficulties) completely lost her shit about an hour ago and now I’m on my third Bailey’s

I don’t drink! Tea will have to do

How did it go, OP?

It was ok, thanks for asking. DS and I ducked out of Christmas Day early before it got too much for him. DH has spent most of the time sleeping. I really don’t know what’s going to happen with us.

Got an easy day ahead today. DS wants to play some new video game he got and I want to read one of my new books. Then a dog walk followed by a movie I think. DH will sleep, get up and be weird for a bit then sleep again I expect. Am just trying to muddle through without losing my marbles really.

OP, I suddenly remembered that the thing which got me through was my local carers’ network. You might not feel like a carer but that’s what you are in this situation. Mine provided childcare, 16 sessions of counselling (which is largely why I’m sane now), took me and DS out for coffee and were always at the end of the phone with kindness and support. I felt like a massive fraud phoning them until I spoke to the lady who answered the phone. She made me realise that it is a big thing and you do need help to get through it, especially with children