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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate other people feeding my baby?

45 replies

Sleepisall · 23/12/2021 21:48

Little one is 8 months old and will be starting nursery soon, so probably IABU, but still, I just hate it and have to fight the urge to rip the spoon out of their hands. We mainly do purees with finger food once or twice a day. When I spoon feed I hold the spoon in front of his face and let him take the food by moving his mouth forwards to the spoon. Thats how I know if he wants it or not. Sometimes I touch the spoon gently to his lips and I feel like that is more pushy than really I should be. When PIL feed them LO only has to open his mouth a fraction and they push the spoon in, and if he swallows any they make a huge fuss with lots of "well done!!" and "good boy!" IABU to wish I could be the only one to feed him, ever? Or should I just plan a finger food meal for when they come to avoid the issue?

OP posts:

ALittleOldLadyTookInHerGoat · 23/12/2021 21:50

Finger foods are your friend here.

Freddiefox · 23/12/2021 22:26

They are only Making a fuss because they care.
If you want them to do it your way, then speak to them.

I feel sorry for them.

WheelieBinPrincess · 23/12/2021 22:29

I think if he’s going to nursery there’s a lot you’re going to need to unclench about.

tocas · 23/12/2021 22:30

Yabu

WaltzingBetty · 23/12/2021 22:34

Which part of then positively reinforcing his acceptance of good and spoon do you think is problematic?
What is it you're actually concerned about?
Why do you think well-timed reinforcement might be a problem?

Lady1576 · 23/12/2021 22:36

Nah I feel the same. My mum practically stuffs it down his throat and then gets all excited about how much he eats of her food. Made me cringe so much! He loves her to be fair so does actually eat more veggies with her than he does with me! So when I don’t have to witness it, I don’t mind too much. He doesn’t appear to remotely traumatised in the videos she sends of him eating huge portions at her house! I think nursery do finger foods and let them get on with it, so don’t think that’s relevant. So I think over time, you’ll get more relaxed about this but I know what you mean!

PinkSyCo · 23/12/2021 22:38

Oh God your poor poor PILs. 🤦🏽‍♀️

babouchette · 23/12/2021 22:41

I feel like this about DD's hair. Every single time my MIL visits she brings a pair of hairdressing scissors and offers to "give it a trim". It brings out an almost visceral enraged reaction in me and I have to restrain myself from bellowing "DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR" at her.

My advice is to leave the room so you don't have to watch it. Or yes, finger foods!!

Retrorose · 23/12/2021 22:45

Is this by any chance your first? I felt like this with my eldest and had to bite my tongue when grannies were getting involved with dinner. With my second I couldn’t care less. Someone else feeding him was a gift of time for me and how they got the food into him I have no idea as the minute they started feeding him I disappeared to have some time on my own….

KarmaStar · 23/12/2021 22:49

Pfb!

tedejoamadrid · 23/12/2021 22:51

You sound like really hard work.

danorak · 23/12/2021 22:52

I never spoon fed mine during weaning, not even once I don't think.

I will occasionally now if it's something really messy like yoghurt and I cba with the clean up, but DC is 19mo and perfectly happy to tell me no these days

Cut the purées, go baby led. Maybe I was precious, but I never allowed anyone to spoon feed mine at all. Older relatives would try and I'd say no, DC does it. Assert the boundary if you're not comfortable.

MrTumblesEyebrows · 23/12/2021 22:55

@danorak

I never spoon fed mine during weaning, not even once I don't think.

I will occasionally now if it's something really messy like yoghurt and I cba with the clean up, but DC is 19mo and perfectly happy to tell me no these days

Same here. In fact when we did spoon feed I gave my daughter the spoon and she fed herself. Obviously at 6 months it was hit and miss but when it was her only option she picked it up quickly. If you use a small ish spoon it's similar to finger foods anyway.

sjxoxo · 23/12/2021 22:55

I think finger food is the way forward! What does a spoon add at this point- I’d let them
Touch as much as possible and learn about texture etc. You can give spoons later on. xo

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 23/12/2021 23:12

Is this your first by any chance?

To save yourself a lot of aggravation and premature ageing over the next few months/years (especially if DC is soon attending nursery) you're going to have to take a few deep breaths and relax.

ThirdElephant · 23/12/2021 23:15

Just give finger foods when they're around.

StarfishDish · 23/12/2021 23:17

My daughter is 10 months old and if anybody offers to feed her, I jump at the chance!

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 23/12/2021 23:23

The way your feeding him would be bloody annoying, try having someone feed you & make you stretch your neck/head forward to reach the spoon.

Just feed him like a normal person! They open their mouth, you put the loaded spoon in. If they don't want it, they'll sharp spit it out, if they haven't clamped their mouth together to stop it going in!!

Yes, the grandparents seem a little over the top, but that's a grandparents prerogative! Go for a shower, nap, meditation, whatever.

lisaandalan · 23/12/2021 23:28

I think you are making an issue that need not be. X

Newpuppymummy · 23/12/2021 23:29

Do you have food issues/disordered eating yourself that makes you struggle with this?

Most nurseries would do BLW if you asked them

CanofCant · 23/12/2021 23:33

@Retrorose

Ahaha, not sure about the OP but this was very much my experience!

Beseen22 · 23/12/2021 23:36

I think it might be a bit generational. My MIL (who I am very close to and trust her completely with my children) was a bit more forceful with a spoon than I would have been. I think its because she fed hers baby porridge at 4 m as would have been the done thing at the time and they are not really all thst interested in it so they kind of got used to putting it straight in.

However in the grand scheme of things your on laws love your baby and are willing to take a turn. The baby isn't distressed by it and its not going to make much difference, just do some finger foods for next time to save it winding you up

HowBad · 23/12/2021 23:40

I'm surprised at the replies. I would be speaking to PIL about how they feed him.

We have poor relationships with food in my family. I'm trying so hard to help DD develop a healthy attitude to food. That includes not commenting on what she does/doesn't eat, making sure she wants the food and not putting it in her mouth or convincing her to take it etc. it's a major, major deal to me. A boundary line that will not be crossed.

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 23/12/2021 23:44

Honestly lots of things people do around my kids make me flinch, it doesn't get any easier. From teaching them the traditional alphabet when they're in the middle of learning the phonetic alphabet and confusing them, to insisting that my 5 month old should be weaned already and they're just going to do it for me.

You have to remember that it's all meant kindly and they're all family too. Just gently try to steer them in the right direction without showing how much you want to scream at them

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 24/12/2021 00:35

This isn't a hill I'd want to die on.

Praising an 8 month old when they take food off a spoon is not going to cause any long term eating disorders . In a few months baby will probably be feeding themselves everything and this won't be an issue

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