To hate other people feeding my baby?

[Sleepisall]

Little one is 8 months old and will be starting nursery soon, so probably IABU, but still, I just hate it and have to fight the urge to rip the spoon out of their hands. We mainly do purees with finger food once or twice a day. When I spoon feed I hold the spoon in front of his face and let him take the food by moving his mouth forwards to the spoon. Thats how I know if he wants it or not. Sometimes I touch the spoon gently to his lips and I feel like that is more pushy than really I should be. When PIL feed them LO only has to open his mouth a fraction and they push the spoon in, and if he swallows any they make a huge fuss with lots of "well done!!" and "good boy!" IABU to wish I could be the only one to feed him, ever? Or should I just plan a finger food meal for when they come to avoid the issue?

Seriously unclench OP

Kids have a wonderful way of letting you know they don't want food by spitting it out.

Honestly, sometimes I think people falling over backwards to avoid 'food issues' like this, are probably going to be the cause of them.

@HowBad

I'm surprised at the replies. I would be speaking to PIL about how they feed him.

We have poor relationships with food in my family. I'm trying so hard to help DD develop a healthy attitude to food. That includes not commenting on what she does/doesn't eat, making sure she wants the food and not putting it in her mouth or convincing her to take it etc. it's a major, major deal to me. A boundary line that will not be crossed.

it's a major, major deal to me. A boundary line that will not be crossed.

That sort of rigid iron fist banging may be the cause of food issues in your child though.

It's not exactly relaxed is it?

Have you asked nursery staff how they plan on feeding him?
This is the most ridiculous thing I have read on here.
If a young child doesn't want to eat they won't simple as that they will spit it out,shake their head, cry, knock spoon out the way they make it pretty obvious.
Sounds like your nit picking at pil.

To be fair, this will be a non issue very soon. Most babies don’t want to be spoon fed by 8/9 months onwards anyway, they want to do it themselves. Mine never tolerated spoon feeding from around that age, they’d just turn their head away, but would feed themselves with no drama.
Then it’s just unclenching about the mess though!

What the hell is wrong with parents these days?
The posts I have read on here about my baby was touched by another now this crap that nobody can feed him better than me. You sound ridiculous.

To older folk, baby led weaning and exploring food looks messy and wasteful. Using a long spoon with a small bowl is more dignified. Children were given food as early as 6 weeks fifty years ago. Why would anyone feel sorry for the PILs who prefer a spoon? Children should start as you mean to go along. Too many children reach nursery or reception not knowing how to use fork and spoon.

OP this is one of those times where you need to imagine him as an 18 year old lad. Cast your mind forward. Imagine a strapping young man, doing all manner of things you don't approve of.

Do you really think it will matter what spoon technique his grandparents used 17 years ago? No. It will not make the slightest bit of difference.

Look I am quick to roll eyes at things but the truth of it is, we have a pretty terrible relationship with food in the U.K. - just look at the number of overweight adults and children. I don’t think wanting a child to have a simple and basic relationship with food is a bad thing at all.
To that end, we never did “food rewards” or “you’re bored, have a snack” or even “just one more bite”. We have a balanced meal, they ate it or not (sometimes not). If they didn’t, they had a slice of bread and butter later.
Mine are now 9 and 11, they are not fussy, they eat normal food, sometimes a lot, sometimes not, they’re slim and healthy, although they have chocolate and ice cream pretty often. I do tell them that they have to eat their veg and we do chat about why we eat a balance of food but mainly we don’t make a big deal of it.
However, my second child, who did have sugary things WAY earlier than my PFB definitely has a sweeter tooth and I have to say “I think that’s enough biscuits now” more to him than my first who can do things like leave four maltesers in a bowl and not finish them because he’s full. Who knows if it’s because he had sugar earlier, two is too small a sample size!

@HowBad

I'm surprised at the replies. I would be speaking to PIL about how they feed him.

We have poor relationships with food in my family. I'm trying so hard to help DD develop a healthy attitude to food. That includes not commenting on what she does/doesn't eat, making sure she wants the food and not putting it in her mouth or convincing her to take it etc. it's a major, major deal to me. A boundary line that will not be crossed.

I agree @HowBad. My parents were obsessed with chivvying us kids to “eat up” and they did that excessive excited praise when they got us to eat, especially when they persuaded us to eat more than we wanted. Both had been wartime children who had gone hungry, and both had very unhealthy attitudes to food. Also in those days it was quite common to almost force feed children because refusing food was seen as naughty. So it’s an important boundary for me too. My mother was so weird about food she’d go on and on if you said no thanks to some snack she was offering. Once she literally tried to stuff a piece of apple in my mouth when I was at least 30 years old, because I’d said I didn’t want an apple and she was offended at my refusal.

I remember seeing a documentary about a young woman who had died of anorexia. At the end they were interviewing her mother and asked her what advice she had for parents. She said “Never make food an issue”. That’s exactly what I’ve tried to do with my own kids, and to me it includes a neutral view - there’s no praise for eating and no disapproval if someone isn’t hungry and doesn’t want to eat, or eat much, just now.

I've read this multiple times and I really don't understand. What's wrong with how the PILs are feeding DC? It doesn't sound like they're forcing him to eat when he absolutely doesn't want anymore, so what am I missing here?

If a young child doesn't want to eat they won't simple as that they will spit it out,shake their head, cry, knock spoon out the way they make it pretty obvious.

I also agree with this comment. I often see threads about finger foods over spoon feeding and people say they don't want to over feed their child when using a spoon. But honestly it's really hard to ignore a child and carry on feeding them when they clearly don't want any more.

Do some people worry their child may develop an unhealthy relationship with food if they're spoon fed a certain way or something?

Why do so many young mothers think that their way of bringing up baby is so superior to the previous generations ways? Honestly, you would think no-one had every successfully reared a child before. Stop overthinking OP and just enjoy your baby, and be happy there are others who care about him.

Good grief.

Why are BLWers so opposed to spoons?! They’re a normal part of eating, I find this so bizarre

Just do BLW and you hopefully won’t have this problem.

I did BLW with mine. BLW isn’t against spoons at all it’s just that the baby uses the spoon by themselves rather than the adult doing it for them. Personally, I’d rather mine just did it herself and I get to eat my own dinner uninterrupted. But honestly there is nothing wrong with purées either, it’s just personal preference so if they work better for some kids/families then that’s great!

Tell them how you feel.
DC adjust to different methods with different care givers, it won't cause him any harm.

@WorraLiberty

In front of my child, yes it is relaxed. Parents can have a very fixed attitude to something without children realising, especially when we are talking about babies! It's called conditioning. I don't want my child conditioned to think that eating food is 'good' that not eating food is 'bad'. I see other mum's keep pushing babies to eat who turn their head away and no one will ever be doing that to my child.

Sorry, I’m confused. When I weaned my baby I did some purées and some things for him to pick up/lob on the floor. I read no books and subscribed to no doctrines.

As a result I’m baffled by one recurrent thing on this thread… What exactly is so demonic about spoons?!

@tedejoamadrid

You sound like really hard work.

So do you

Yabu. The important thing is baby gets fed. It's not rocket science.