To want a 2nd baby when I’m so happy with one .

[Ohpinkpants]

I have just had a baby and it is been the best experience. I’ve never been happier .
My little girl is 4 months and is as good as gold . I now want another baby- my partner has agreed.

However I know that I hated being pregnant
And my mental health suffered a lot , if we have another baby we would struggle financially , I will be a lot more tired , have less time to spend with partner. Am I silly to upset the Apple cart ?

I think logically it makes sense to just have one but all I can think of is that I want more babies . My husband is in his 50s so I know I have to get on with it if I want more . I can’t wait 3 years and then decide. ( I’m 32)

I think we could have a brilliant life with one child but I want more babies . Am I silly to push for another ?

Advice ?

Is it maybe a bit soon to be thinking about this? You want to give yourself at least a year's break between pregnancies if at all possible. Why not wait another six months and then think about it?

No-one on here can tell you if it's a good or bad idea, or whether or not you should do it. But take some time and slow down would be my main advice. Enjoy your baby for now!

Your baby might be a dream at 4 months, but it might be an entirely different picture down the line. You have no idea what it would be like with a kid who is mobile and crawling all over or a tantruming terrorist toddler.

I wouldn't jump into another pregnancy just yet, and i wouldn't expect future babies to be easy just because the first one was. You never know what you're getting

Don’t rush it, your baby is so young. There’s no need to make a decision right now. If you/your DH are worried about your mental health in pregnancy are there steps you could take to protect it during a future pregnancy? Are there things you could do to improve your financial situation before a future pregnancy so that’s less of a concern?

Ahhh I get so jealous of these dream babies. I love my teo devil children but they are like clones in many ways so I didn't even get one easy one, they hate sleep, they get into to everything, they run in the road, they aren't obedient. I try so hard and to take them out and expose them to different things, but it's so so hard.

Why can’t you wait 3 years and decide? The difference in fertility for you is likely to be not huge between 32 and 35 if you’ve already fallen pregnant easily once. The difference for your partner is pretty much negligible. I’d say that you are putting yourself under time pressure that doesn’t really exist.

I was pregnant again when my first born was 4 months. It was unplanned but the most amazing thing ever. If you don't wait to wait, do it now. I love my (very small) age gap.

Going against the grain here, but I think why not! There's fors and againsts for both small and large age gaps so if you want to and your husband is on board, then why not. We have a small age gap and it's been hard work at times, but so very very worth it.

In my experience, having two kids is incredible. The love they have for each other, I can't get over it. I know as they get older they will argue and so on but for most of us a sibling is such an amazing gift.

I also found the second much easier than the first. It wasn't such a shock to the system, no fear of the unknown, I knew what tiredness was and what to expect.

I would say there is 4 years between my kids and it is a nice age gap. I think I would have struggled with two younger ones together. My 4 year old is old enough not to get jealous and to want to help and care for his sister. He's actually a great help at keeping her entertained and bringing me nappies etc.

I think our babies have came from the same place 😅 I have a 4 month old who is also a dream and I actually cringe a bit when anyone says ‘oh how’s the sleepless nights?’ etc when I’m like eh I haven’t been up during the night since he was 6 weeks 🙈 Actually play it down sometimes, especially around friends with babies who are still really struggling.

I don’t think I want another one right this second though. My original plan was never to have a child because I was so terrified I’d either die while pregnant or giving birth, really took over my life because I did want a child but didn’t know how I could get one here and be fine 🙈 Long long story but I somehow managed it and physically enjoyed being pregnant, had a really easy pregnancy and other than just being a bit big and it being awkward to bend down and stuff near the end, it was fine. I had a lovely planned section, it was all the absolute dream. Some doctors say to wait 18-24 months before having another section, although no one ever actually told me that in hospital or anything. I thought I’d wait til he was 3 to hopefully have another (so conceive when he’s 2 and a bit) but I’m now thinking I maybe just want 2 years between them. Also, like you I had a summer baby and purely for the ease of having a bouncy castle, bbq etc for a birthday party every year I’d like my next child to be at a similar time if I had the luxury to pick that 😂 I’m a christmas baby so I think that’s why I feel quite strongly about wanting them to be born in summer unlike me! So I think we might aim for the start of the summer when he’ll be 2, which would mean not that long after his first birthday we’d need to try again 😬 I will re-assess the situation when he’s 1 and see if he’s still no bother! You’re really not old at all so to wait a year or something would make very little difference if you didn’t want to have another next year

You don't have to wait 3 years, but I would give your body a few more months to recover. Babies are quite easy in a sense, because they don't move much. It's much harder when they start crawling and walking. Sleep patterns can also change.

My daughter was an only child until she was 5. It was wonderful being able to devote all our attention on one child, and slowly get back to myself. We would have been happy remaining a family of 3, but we wanted a sibling for our DD. Sadly it took longer than expected to get here, so the age gap is bigger than we had initially wanted, but actually it's turned out quite well.

There's no rush. Enjoy your baby.

I had my first baby this year and felt much like you! He wasn't always easy, from about 2 weeks to 3.5ish months he struggled with "colic" and I remember crying a lot! But he was also a good sleeper, a good feeder and I love him so much!

We definitely wanted another but wanted to wait a year or two - I fell pregnant when he was 5 months (unplanned) and I'm currently 10+5 weeks pregnant with my second. I'm so nervous about having the two so close in age but there's also so many pro's!

What I will say is I had such a rough pregnancy with my Son, I had HG and was throwing up 10+ times a day, ended up dehydrated on a drip and lost nearly 2 stone in the first two trimesters. I then developed SPD aswell and was in a lot of pain - I never wanted to be pregnant again! As I said, I'm still early days but this pregnancy has been so much better. I've been sick a few times but nothing like my last pregnancy and I'm actually enjoying it a bit more now rather than wishing the time away wanting to fast forward to my due date!

You’re ridiculous to want “more babies” on the basis of one easy four month old. They don’t stay that lovely age for long!! Do you want more children? Toddlers, tweens, teens, young adults?

And don’t do it thinking it’ll be anything like just repeating your current experience. I’d have had half a dozen babies when my first was 16 weeks. He was a piece of cake at that age. Life with a toddler who turned out to have SEN and a second (colicky) baby, followed by life with a SEN preschooler and a very challenging toddler was considerably less dreamy.

In your position I’d at least wait a year before deciding. Enjoy your current baby.

Congratulations op. I hope you have a lovely Christmas

Personally the baby stage I found was great. I never want to live through the 3-4 age stage again though. My sister really struggling with baby stage so everyone is different. Only you know if you want another and no hurry to decide x

I would hold off for just a little longer. My baby was a ‘dream’ at 4 months. I remember how smug I felt that he slept through from about 6 weeks. But then we hit the 4 month sleep regression when he was about 20 weeks and he hasn’t slept through since. Spent several weeks waking literally every hour of the night and I was absolutely suicidal. He’s now 1 and still doesn’t sleep through (and wakes for the day between 4 and 5 am).

If you struggled with pregnancy you definitely don’t want to be going through that with a non-sleeping baby. So I would give it another few months and then decide how you feel then!

I had a fantastic sleeper up to 6m, then 6 to 15 months teething/big regressions/developmental leaps put paid to the joy I'd felt at having the good sleeper in the group.

Also if you plan to start them in nursery, bear in mind that the first 3-6 months is pure stress of settling them there and so much illness!

I would say wait a bit especially if pregnancy was so difficult for you. Your baby won't be a baby for long and certainly not while you're pregnant , try to consider another pregnancy but with a demanding toddler

Same with cats OP. They will either get on or it will be world war 3.

I'd wait until your baby is at least 12 months just from a physical point of view to give your body a chance to fully recover.

They often sleep better at 4 months than they do at 12 months btw.

It's fantastic you are enjoying your lovely baby so much, my advice would be to give your body and hormones time to settle then start trying again. There's 27m between my two, I think we started trying when eldest was about 14m . Good luck.

Very similar circumstances in terms of I had a horrific pregnancy 1st time around then thought I'd won the lottery when he was born. Found the 1st 6 months very easy and absolutely love being a parent. Then he was mobile
He started walking at 9 months and basically tries to kill himself 50 times a day
I am now 11 weeks pregnant with a 14 month old and it's another horrific pregnancy so far. I don't feel like I'm "there" for my son like I was before and think I will remember this time as just being sick 25 times a day instead of all the amazing things he is achieving everyday as they still change so much so quickly at this point
I do understand your thoughts though as although my husband isn't in his 50s yet he is 11 years older than me and you are so much more aware of time passing because of it
I took the plunge but waited until he was at least over 1. Like others have said I would wait a bit longer and I hope you have a better pregnancy of course but be prepared for another rough ride just in case.

Your partner is in his 50’s. If it were a woman posters would be asking whether the man was ok being a single parent of two teens as that’s more of a possibility.
My first was like yours OP. Slept for 13 hours straight at 6 weeks and never woke in the night since. I thought wow this is easy! Had another one and oh my god! Hello 2 years of no sleep.
A man in his mid 50’s might be fine with one easy baby. Two where one is much more challenging? Maybe not.

We'd settled on one being enough for us. I then ended up pregnant again and we decided to keep it.
I still have 8wks to go and I feel dreadful. Although the pregnancy is more straightforward this time I'm in a lot more pain, the maternity services are non existent and the baby is huge. I'm in a lot of pain, I can't sleep and I feel like I can't look after my first properly.
I work full time and am so glad I'm not in the office every day as I wouldn't be able to cope.
I already feel I spend no time with my partner as we both work full time, we also do full time childcare between us which is exhausting on top of work. How we're going to cope with a new baby too I just don't know. I think it's going to be much harder than we both first thought. Im really worried about the effect it will have on our first child.

Maybe have a proper discussion about how much time and money a second baby will take and whether you can absorb that.

Inlaws only had DH because of issues during pregnancy and birth and postpartum. And they REGRET it badly!! They would have loved to have another child!! They thought about adopting but didn't go through with it...

Btw got pregnant when DC1 was 10 months and that was a good gap besides there is apparently a peak in fertility 9-10 months after birth. Good to know

Babies turn into toddlers, children, teenagers, adults. The question isn't "Do I want another baby?" it's "Do we want to be a family of four?" It's lovely that you're enjoying your baby but you can't base life choices on the basis of a fleeting phase. Long may your enjoyment continue though!

I knew I wanted a second the moment I had DC1. Abs whilst my pregnancy wasn’t hideous, I felt better the day after I’d had him than at most points in the preceding six months. But it took me years to conceive DC2 so I’d say go for it..

(My babies were not “dream babies”!)