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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a 2nd baby when I’m so happy with one .

52 replies

Ohpinkpants · 23/12/2021 16:07

I have just had a baby and it is been the best experience. I’ve never been happier .
My little girl is 4 months and is as good as gold . I now want another baby- my partner has agreed.

However I know that I hated being pregnant
And my mental health suffered a lot , if we have another baby we would struggle financially , I will be a lot more tired , have less time to spend with partner. Am I silly to upset the Apple cart ?

I think logically it makes sense to just have one but all I can think of is that I want more babies . My husband is in his 50s so I know I have to get on with it if I want more . I can’t wait 3 years and then decide. ( I’m 32)

I think we could have a brilliant life with one child but I want more babies . Am I silly to push for another ?

Advice ?

OP posts:
Abitlost2 · 24/12/2021 08:25

0-12 months was a dream with all our 3 dcs but obvs the first is by far the easiest as no other dcs to look after. 12months to 3 years was a huge huge shock, constant moving, running , climbing. I didn't have v easy babies either as all bf and woke a lot but could do so much with them pre mobile

Abitlost2 · 24/12/2021 08:26

I suggest you go to softplay during toddler hour... I love having 3 but it's so easy to be broody at 4 months when essentially if you have an "easy" baby they have v little impact really yet ...

Ostryga · 24/12/2021 08:30

Dd was a dream baby. Fed well, woke up once or twice and went straight back to sleep after a feed. Never cried. Happy all the time.

Then she hit 18 months and was an absolute horror. Her sleep went to pot, the tantrums were unreal. 18 months - 4 nearly broke me. She’s almost 5 now and life is very good again. But I really wouldn’t have another just yet. Dream babies don’t always stay that way!

Original poster
Ohpinkpants · 24/12/2021 08:36

Thank you so much everyone.

I know it makes sense for me to wait until baby is at least 1 and then reassess. I don’t know the stresses of having a toddler etc .

I know I want to be a family of 4. I love babies but understand they grow and become children / teenagers.
I’m a primary school teacher and I never thought I’d be able to have my own kids but now I feel so happy and blessed with my baby - it’s like I want a family of 4 or 5 suddenly !
But I am so lucky we are 3!

I think I am so lucky with my baby sleeping but as you say - it won’t be this way always necessary.
The thought of being pregnant with an angry toddler is scary !!!

I think though, in some
Ways - is it better to be pregnant now before than being pregnant with a 2 / 3 or 4 year old !

But anyway- I need to wait . I think I’m too hormonal just yet !

HAppy Christmas to you all !

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohpinkpants · 24/12/2021 08:37

And all my typos are not acceptable- I’m sorry to my primary school teachers !

OP posts:
babasaclover · 24/12/2021 08:47

There are a few sleep regression stages to get through, 4 month and 10 by memory where they stop sleeping properly for no reason whatsoever. Survive that first then decide 😉

trumpisagit · 24/12/2021 08:50

My children are 21 months apart and for us it is a good gap.
However having 4 or 5 children seems excessive! Have you the space, money and time for 5 children?

Hankunamatata · 24/12/2021 08:55

Have more op but personally I'd start trying when baby is about 1 just purely to let your body recover from birth, esp if pregnancies are good.

Hankunamatata · 24/12/2021 08:55

Prgancies are bad I mean

TizerorFizz · 24/12/2021 09:04

I too would advise waiting a bit. My DD1 carried on sleeping through but her bedtimes didn’t get later to achieve this! DH and I decided we would accept this. Some parents never get a night that’s not disrupted by a vent waking. We got every night from 3 months.

DD2 was more tricky. They were 2 1/2 years apart in age. We managed but I wanted DD1 to be fully settled before another baby came along. So she was at nursery and happy with that.

You might have a better pregnancy second time around. But whatever you do, I would ensure DD has a nursery place so you get rest. I found it vital!

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 24/12/2021 09:05

@shouldistop

They often sleep better at 4 months than they do at 12 months btw.
Mine didn't, she spent the entire sodding month in sleep regression Xmas Shock 4 months was the most trying stage in all of motherhood for me so far it's bloody awful! But then my kids aren't teenagers yet so I'll eat my words in in ten years Xmas Grin
Chely · 24/12/2021 09:07

You're 32, you still have plenty of time.
Enjoy your baby for now and revisit the thoughts of another in a couple of years.

Aria2015 · 24/12/2021 09:18

I didn't have this with my first, but with my second I was really broody after having her! I had a baby but wanted another baby! I will say that the feeling wore off after about a year. I'm still enjoying things as much as I was (she didn't do anything to out me off!) but I'm guessing my hormones have calmed down and now I wouldn't consider a third. I would give yourself a bit longer, not least because it's better for your body to wait a bit before getting pregnant again. See if you feel the same when you're a year in perhaps...?

FilthyforFirth · 24/12/2021 09:33

My first baby was, and still is at 4, an absolute dream. My second has given me pnd. He hates sleep, being constrained, he screams and cries all the time. I was not prepared at all! I niavely thought my 2nd would be like my first.

It is so soon, I would honestly wait.

ED81 · 24/12/2021 09:35

Aw wow @Ohpinkpants. I love your positivity! It is so lovely to hear. It seems it can all be doom and gloom about having a baby so this has restored my faith a little bit it’s not all bad.

Congratulations and Merry Christmas.xx

TizerorFizz · 24/12/2021 10:01

I think the OPs issue is the age of her husband. Not her age! Older men can struggle with very young DC. But two very close together wont help that I think!

Japingjaponica · 24/12/2021 10:03

I was pregnant with my second four months after my first. Completely deliberately. Had the second one before the first one was old enough to be jelaous. They were like puppies, always rolling around together up to mischief, so very close.
The second baby was a terrible sleeper however, and I had an agonising year after his birth, mainly from 3nd baby colic and sleeplessness.

Don't regret it though.

Japingjaponica · 24/12/2021 10:04

Whoops, meant 2nd baby colic and poor sleep, I didn't just invent a third.

wineandchocolateforthewin · 24/12/2021 10:08

@marplemead

You don't have to wait 3 years, but I would give your body a few more months to recover. Babies are quite easy in a sense, because they don't move much. It's much harder when they start crawling and walking. Sleep patterns can also change.

My daughter was an only child until she was 5. It was wonderful being able to devote all our attention on one child, and slowly get back to myself. We would have been happy remaining a family of 3, but we wanted a sibling for our DD. Sadly it took longer than expected to get here, so the age gap is bigger than we had initially wanted, but actually it's turned out quite well.

There's no rush. Enjoy your baby.

Sorry to hijack. @marplemead how did you decide on a second? My daughter is 5 and my husband now wants another (although would never pressure me) I can't decide! I've been going over in my mind for about a year and still don't know.
Fallagain · 24/12/2021 10:13

I think it’s too soon. Wait until your first baby is nolomger a baby and give yourself time to recover. Has your period returned? I was intensely broody 4 months PP with DD2 and it confused the life out of me as we had only planned for and I could only mange 2, especially with DD2 heath issues.

Takemedown · 24/12/2021 10:16

My advice ... Wait. One 4 month old baby is an absolute doddle to look after compared to a toddler, or a toddler plus a baby. Don't rush into anything yet. Your instincts will be screaming at you to get pregnant. That's mother nature, don't listen to her Grin just enjoy your baby for a bit you've got loads of time.

Fallagain · 24/12/2021 10:16

4 or 5 kids. There is no way you would be able to listen to them read and read to them all individually every night. It all depends on how you want to parent.

Takemedown · 24/12/2021 10:20

4 or 5 kids. There is no way you would be able to listen to them read and read to them all individually every night. It all depends on how you want to parent

She said a family of 4 - 2 adults, 2 kids.

marplemead · 24/12/2021 10:31

@wineandchocolateforthewin It wasn't easy. I wrestled with it for a year too. DD would occasionally ask for a sibling, but for lots of reasons it didn't make sense to have another. She was a terrible sleeper, our marriage was a bit rocky, I was starting to get my body back and enjoying work again, our house wasn't big enough, we would be worse off financially etc. But then I really started missing having a baby, and kept thinking about what a lovely big sister DD would make. Then, when she was 4, I accidentally became pregnant. It ended in an MC, and I was devastated, so we decided to try again.
Fast forward a year and another mc later, I had my 2nd baby. I was right, DD is a lovely older sister and I can't imagine life without DS now. I think if you are still thinking about it after a year then that isn't going to change. I don't think you can switch that feeling off even if you decide that it would be best to not have another child.

wineandchocolateforthewin · 24/12/2021 10:43

@marplemead thank you for sharing that. I guess I'm fortunate that my daughter isn't interested in a sibling, she's happy as things are. I do miss having a baby though, but things are so easy now plus we all have a good social life