...to expect you Professional MNers to...

[5goldrings4MONKEYBIRDs]

....bloody enlighten us Newbies about the Hidden Depths A LITTLE EARLIER so I don't have to:

a. assess what the minimum time is to cuddle my two youngest to sleep so I can get back on to catch up on 41 fecking pages of Middle Class Bore, 8 million pages of Don't Do This and I haven't even found Jon Ronson's Missus yet. Can we have a very special mini-digest of Essential MN classics please otherwise DH will be calling social services soon...?

b. burn my bacon and smoke out my kitchen, and put a whole in my bread trying to butter it too quickly?

c. get butter all over my keyboard?

My own fault I know for not looking beyond Breast and bottle for 2 months but FFS you coulda pointed me in the right direction? Where do I fecking start?

or even a FECKING HOLE?!

Sup to you, I have a little way all of my own that I'm sure others do to.
I type www.mumsnet.com into the address bar.
I hit talk.
I then hit 'threads I'm on'
And go through them.
Next I do either active convos or last 15 minutes. I like the way last 15 minutes looks more than active convos, plus you can read some of the last posts.
Lastly, there is nothing wrong with eating at your pc, and does your child not fit on your lap???
Oh, plus, how can you have missed Middle Class bores, I loved that thread!
(still wonder who talulasmum was originally though)

hey VS. Has TT left the building? TM still posting as we speak so maybe not a winderupper?

MB you have an excellent point.

Us noobs should be assigned an oldie guide on joining, to ensure we receive an induction that covers etiquette, Critical Questions ("Your stance on shoe removal at dinner parties, please?"), Ye Olde Mumsnetters Not to be Trifled With (cod) and a Lonely Planet-style directory of essential threads.

Feck knows it took me long enough to uncover even Mohze and her waterskiing.

that round up thread is fecking dangerous!

absolutely agree, i have been on here for a year now (with ocassional breaks to attend to my baby/dh) and only discovered the beauty of active conversations about a month ago - what a revelation! And what a way to waste even more hours of my day, esp when i should be writing an essay...

Ah yes, a Mumsnet Mentor. Would be jolly useful in the first few months.

yes, TT has left. He no longer lives in Victorian Squalor, I gave him a nice little house for xmas. He is happy.
I know TM is real, but she did say at some point that she had a different name before.

active convos is addictive beware it should have a health warning all of its own

I have been known to cook tea whilst staring at them !!!

You aint just whistling dixie, Peanut. It's the crack cocaine of the WWW!!

how do people manage to MN without looking at active convos? am baffled by this

Last 15 minutes?
Last day?
Or maybe they get stuck atthe topic list and choose certain topics

hmm last 15 minutes...
just tried that-you can't screen out topics can you?
ante-natal clubs and For Sale and all that

And whats wrong with my due april 08 threaad hmmmmmmm.

on your side (again) VS over on 'new mums' claptrap... God I ought to be doing some ironing/painting/sleeping/myriad useful things rather than MAINLINING CRACK...

oooops VS didn't mean to diss your own particular lovely ante-natal thread

Of course, but I understand you can't just block out all the other ante-natal threads so I'll forgive you

VS you are very magnamy magnamnimus kind

Did anyone ever see the thread about the woman whose husband was having an affair with her Lakeland kitchenware?

I came across it by accident and it was the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. Tried to find it recently though and couldn't. Did I just dream it?

Surely essential reading for all?

It's linked on the morningpapers round up thread.
It was one of my first ever posts to read on MN, before I realsied people sometimes lied

oh god Iorek, go back to fighting Mrs Coulter and don't do this to me...

MUST. HAVE. LINK. NOW.....

ah the end of innocence VS ...the shocking realisation that people tell whoppers on MN
poignant!

yes I saw the Lakeland thread
twas funny

thread

ok, first of all, I'm so with the OP on this...2 years on and I've only just discovered the joys of active convos etc etc....but woss this round up thingumyjig? More hidden depths? Anyway, if we're being assigned mentors can I have VS please (with or without TT) since I've been very grateful for my nice xmassy name

20 pages - jeez! Cereal for dinner tonight again then...

Thanks VS (genuinely!)