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Original poster

Do you ever have dream of ex boyfriends from years ago ?

36 replies

playgroundfairy · 22/12/2021 15:10

About twice a year I seem to have dreams of an old ex. I mean from my teenage / early twenties years.

It's always him and always similar, in that he 'finally' wants to be with me.

I broke off contact with him, 10 years ago. He still wanted to remain in my life, but I didn't think it was appropriate anymore.

I got to know him nearly 20 years ago and I'm happily married with children.

Why would I keep having this dream ? Is some part of me still not over it ? Does anyone else have that ?

I would say I spent a large part of my formative years with this person and it really did my self esteem no good. It was very damaging, as he literally just used me and I put up with it. Looking back on it, he really didn't care at all and didn't treat me like I was worth much. Of course, I allowed this, which was my fault.

Why keep having these dreams now ?

OP posts:
DeepDown12 · 22/12/2021 15:16

I wonder if he was your first 'real' deeper romantic feeling? The reason i wonder is because I have the same - I noticed that every once in a while (sometimes once per year, sometimes 2-3 times per year) I will have a very vivid dream about one person I was madly in love with (he was my first boyfriend). It usually coincides with me feeling stuck (at work or in private life), lows with DH and I think that, for me, it means yearning for the years of passion and freedom (early 20s) instead of somewhat passionless, deeply routined life I now lead. I too am married and have a child and I would not consider either my marriage or life unhappy - but I think it is natural to sometimes crave the intensity of feelings (both positive and negative) we used to feel when we were young. Maybe its just me, but it feels that with years 'colours' became muted - they're still there but highs are just not as high, and neither are the lows.

Aprilx · 22/12/2021 15:18

Yes I dream of ex boyfriends from years ago, I did either last night or the night before in fact. I don’t think it means anything, my dreams often contain people from my past.

Original poster
playgroundfairy · 22/12/2021 15:20

@DeepDown12

I wonder if he was your first 'real' deeper romantic feeling? The reason i wonder is because I have the same - I noticed that every once in a while (sometimes once per year, sometimes 2-3 times per year) I will have a very vivid dream about one person I was madly in love with (he was my first boyfriend). It usually coincides with me feeling stuck (at work or in private life), lows with DH and I think that, for me, it means yearning for the years of passion and freedom (early 20s) instead of somewhat passionless, deeply routined life I now lead. I too am married and have a child and I would not consider either my marriage or life unhappy - but I think it is natural to sometimes crave the intensity of feelings (both positive and negative) we used to feel when we were young. Maybe its just me, but it feels that with years 'colours' became muted - they're still there but highs are just not as high, and neither are the lows.
Yea that's a really good point. With the highs and the lows. Now everything is more muted !

Sounds like a similar scenario!

OP posts:
Hemingwayscatz · 22/12/2021 15:22

Not often and if they do crop up in dreams, it’s never romantic.

Original poster
playgroundfairy · 22/12/2021 15:22

@Aprilx

Yes I dream of ex boyfriends from years ago, I did either last night or the night before in fact. I don’t think it means anything, my dreams often contain people from my past.
I suppose a psychotherapist might ask- what do you think it means ?
OP posts:
Holothane · 22/12/2021 15:27

Nightmares only about ex husband.

Siameasy · 22/12/2021 15:28

I would enjoy it
Great point about colours becoming muted DeepDown. I miss the excitement of my single years. I love my DH but it’s human to crave variety

PS You could even think about the ex whilst on the jobGrin

AD80 · 22/12/2021 15:30

I have no explanation but I have had this too. I've been with dp 9 years and very happy and settled. I occasionally dream of one specific ex. Funnily enough it's the one I never had any closure with. He kinda just left one day with no explanation, broke my heart at the time.

Vapeyvapevape · 22/12/2021 15:32

I dream about my ex husband more than anyone else, never nightmares just normal dreams.

HalfWomanHalfMincePie · 22/12/2021 15:36

I very often dream about a specific ex boyfriend.

We split up 11 years ago now and it definately means bugger all. I neither miss him nor struggle to accept it's over Grin.

I suspect it has more to do with that time of my life (e.g. youth) than much else.

Thegiftthatkeepsongiving · 22/12/2021 15:58

Occasionally but not often. It was a messy break up and whenever I dream of my ex he often looks like Voldemort when Harry finds him at the train station in the end! I guess I feel sorry for him but we were definitely not suited right from the start.

Peridot1 · 22/12/2021 16:05

Very often. Long term boyfriend. I was the one who finished things. He always said I was the ‘one’.

We are friends on FB and message occasionally. He’s married - I assume happily. I’m married - not overly happily.

We did ivf and just before we started the process I dreamt I was looking for him to check it was ok with him. Very weird!

He was a lovely guy but I really don’t want him back! We spoke a few years ago and I got off the phone thinking exactly that! Lovely but not for me.

Dreamt about him last night. Presumably because he massaged me a couple of days ago to,let me know a mutual friend had died.

Peridot1 · 22/12/2021 16:06

When I say ‘we’ did ivf I mean my husband not my ex!

furbabymama87 · 22/12/2021 16:06

Only nightmares.

PaperMonster · 22/12/2021 16:09

All the time. I dream about most of my exes. I dream about the man I only ever had phone sex with. I am clearly not getting enough sex 🙄

CouncilHousedAndViolentBaby · 22/12/2021 16:10

I did last night about someone from when I was 15! I'm still not over him tbf tho... should msg him

Youdoyoutoday · 22/12/2021 16:15

1 of my exes always crops up in my dreams and I find it annoying, I'm glad to have read this and see that maybe it's just my youth I miss!! God I wasted so much time with twat!!

Comfyonion · 22/12/2021 16:18

Yes I used to a lot. I googled it and found an explanation that I liked, it was that you weren't really dreaming about that person, but possibly dreaming about something that is missing or a problem in one of your current relationships. The ex is simply there as a recognisable figure, but it's the scenario that's playing out that possibly means more in your real life.

In my past dreams I was always chasing ex, hoping he would finally notice me, hoping to bump into him, and I found the prospect of bumping into him exciting. I think it was all related to things being a bit flat and passion less between DH and me at the time, getting bogged down in mundane day to day stuff and not making time to be with each other. We addressed this and the dreams stopped. So for me, the explanation fitted.

mindutopia · 22/12/2021 16:22

All the time. Sometimes have sex dreams about random friends from school (who I am friends with on social media, so I assume they must just be stuck in my head from just before bedtime). Sometimes I have sex dreams about my landlord. Absolutely none of these people I am vaguely attracted to! Very happily married to dh.

Bippitybopityboo · 22/12/2021 16:22

I do yes, i dream about my first 'love' though I was 15 to 18 and now i dont think it was proper love love. He used me and was never going to settle down with me but i was besotted with him at the time.

We were on a break when i met my now dh and he messaged to get together and it felt so good finally turning him down. Ive now been with dh for 10 years and have 2 children and im very content but he does still pop into my dreams from time to time.

Fuuuuuckit · 22/12/2021 16:24

I have incredibly vivid dreams all the time, and about 2 exes in particular maybe once a month (one from age 13-16, one from age 37).

I'm long-term friends with them both on fb and civil, often message if I've seen something I think will interest them, birthdays, fb memories etc. They're both married with dc, I'm in a long term relationship with kids too.

I actually discussed this with my counsellor, in both relationships I moved on from them quite messily so I do wonder if there's some subconscious unfinished business. Consciously there's no way I'd consider getting back with them, and as I dream about the most random shit every night I'm not worried about it.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 22/12/2021 16:33

A couple of months I had a very vivid dream about a very fleeting ex. All (both!) other exes and I have mutual friends, so I sort of have a trickle of consciousness of them.

madisonbridges · 22/12/2021 17:03

I had a lovely dream about Sean Bean (younger version). Not an ex but very nice nevertheless.

IsabelHerna · 24/12/2021 18:11

Yes I do too. I think it's more about us wanting to feel like we did in our teens and twenties, young, free, in love! Oh, I wish I could fall in love as deeply and as much as I did back then.

x2boys · 24/12/2021 18:17

Yes I have been having dreams about an ex from nearly 30 years ago
I finished with him he was a really heavy drinker at only 19
I ,m very much over him
I believe he still lives with his parents and is still a very heavy drinker ,I really don't know why I keep dreaming of him ,it's always that we are back together and I don't want to be!