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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS7 is worried about everything.

37 replies

Christmascardsontheshelf · 21/12/2021 23:33

The moon crashing into the earth, sea levels rising floods, tornados, tsunamis, dying, someone else dying, ghosts, kidnappers, car crashes.
All day every day he cries at least 5 times a day about something.
He finds it hard getting to sleep and gets up, comes into my bed most nights but he can't come alone because he is worried about siblings so I currently sleep every night with all 3 in the bed.
DH is pissed off and retreated to their room.
I am stressed and worried for him.

He fixated on things and If he sees a video or hears a story about, I don't know, a plane crash, like 9/11 he will go on the computer at school and search and search plane crashes. He can name 6+ plane crashes and give lots of detail. Tells everyone about them all. Wants to watch films about them, wat hed YouTube videos about them.

I don't know what to do he is so anxious and so sensitive. I am handling it badly but he cries and talks about this stuff none stop. He spent 2 hours looking at the moon because he thought it was coming closer getting so hysterical. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmascardsontheshelf · 21/12/2021 23:34

He is seven and eldest. Very active no diagnosis of anything and teacher reports all say he's doing well no concerns.
Just severe anxiety.

OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 21/12/2021 23:36

Oh OP this sounds hard.

Have you got support from school? I would be speaking to the SENCO in the new year and asking for an urgent review and for support, if possible. They might be able to make a referral for ELSA (emotional literacy support). It sounds as if your DS would benefit from some kind of counselling or play therapy.

Original poster
Christmascardsontheshelf · 21/12/2021 23:37

his brother and sister aren't like this.
At all. I have never known a child like it. Very odd behaviour almost like an adult having a mental breakdown. Its ramped up recently but he has always been like this even before covid.

Covid by the way doesn't seem to bother him believe it or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmascardsontheshelf · 21/12/2021 23:40

I was thinking of contacting the school but I'm afraid the senco has a bad reputation at our school and I'm a bit worried ill be brushed off.
Can a gp make a referral? And thank you for replying. Hes just nodded off which is early for him

OP posts:
Serenschintte · 21/12/2021 23:43

Keep him off the Internet/tv as much as possible and ask school to support you with this.
It could be a phase. But it does sound quite extreme. I’d be asking the gp for a referral to see if more is going on.
Can he be distracted?

TimeForTeaAndG · 21/12/2021 23:57

He is 7. Why is he being allowed to watch YouTube videos of plane crashes and access the internet to research these things?!

parietal · 22/12/2021 00:00

Could there be a real life thing that he is ( or was) worried about and the worries have got transferred to plane crashes etc. can you get him some sessions with a therapist? Privately if the NHS are slow.

Beamur · 22/12/2021 00:06

Go to the GP. He needs some help, as do you, to understand his anxiety and how best to address this.
I suspect he has a form of anxiety with intrusive thoughts. My DD was similar and at a similar age. Feeding the fears won't help, he doesn't understand that although bad things can happen, the likelihood of them happening is small.
My DD has bouts of anxiety but early intervention has been really helpful.

Haggisfish3 · 22/12/2021 00:11

Ask him to keep a diary of his worries-what does he actually fear will happen? A week later, make him look back and update with what actually happened. Keep doing this until he can read it when he is worrying abojt something and can use it to help rationalise fears. Check there is nothing he is fretting about at home or at school. Anything he doesn’t feel in control of? Anything he has a overhead people talking about? Money troubles, relationships etc. might he think he’s gay? Any divorces/separation/I’ll was in family?

smashingbaubles · 22/12/2021 00:14

Go to the GP. I had obviously very anxious tendencies as a small child that I wish, wish, wish that my parents could have seen as being abnormal and gotten me some professional help. As it was it took me to the age of 24 to realise I was absolutely drowning under a severe anxiety disorder. Don’t let your son live like this.

Haggisfish3 · 22/12/2021 00:16

Imo nhs help for young children with this is abysmal. And non existent. We got private nlp help for dd.

PersonaNonGarter · 22/12/2021 00:17

Has anything happened to make him like this?

Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:22

Around the age of 7 or 8 a certain amount of worry is a normal part of development because they become more aware or the world around them… including natural disasters etc.

My daughter is a bit like this and she is 7… but she isn’t crying and worrying to the same degree.

I did find this article helpful on how to tell the difference between normal worry and an anxiety problem:

www.parents.com/health/mental/anxiety-in-children-when-to-worry/

Also have you tried a worry monster? Might be worth a try.

www.amazon.co.uk/Worry-Monster-Plush-Soft-orange/dp/B010NDN2IU?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

OldWivesTale · 22/12/2021 00:23

Could he be high functioning autistic - Aspergers ? Often manifests as severe anxiety for no apparent reason. Usually will be good academically so SENCOs don't pick it up.

Rtmhwales · 22/12/2021 00:23

Wish I could help you, but here in sympathy. DSS turning 8 next month has been like this for about 18 months. I'm a children's clinical counselor and even I'm not making progress.

Phoenix76 · 22/12/2021 00:23

I’m also surprised he has access to that info and note it’s at his school not home he seems to be getting the information he has. Certainly engage with his school about this, despite the rep they have it’s worth a shot as we all know about hearsay. When my dds bring up any of “the fears” we talk about it factually, show them actual child friendly facts about why they need not worry. I agree with a pp that severe anxiety is a possibility so trying to get an appointment with a gp would be a starting point (I know that can be really tricky at the moment). Can you recall when this behaviour started? Could something have happened around that time that could have set him off? It’s horrible when this happens, I understand more than I’m willing to put on here.

Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:23

And Flowers for you.

MamaJustKilledAMan · 22/12/2021 00:24

Get him to keep a "worry box"
Everytime he has an anxious thought during the day write it down pop it in the box and come bedtime he can go through them individually with his mum and you can reassure him about everything.
This was recommended by a pastoral worker at my friends kids school when she was suffering severe anxiety after a parental breakup and I really worked a treat. Eventually the child learned that no matter what the anxiety, mum had an answer for everything and so she seemed to put less and less in the box until it just didn't exist anymore.

Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:26

I will also add that we’ve lately taken the decision to home school our children full time. Since that decision my daughter is nowhere near as worried as she was. I appreciate that’s probably not possible but I thought I would add it. Climate change in particular was something she really cried and struggled with. She’s just a very sensitive child. Was also picked on because of it.

motheroftweens · 22/12/2021 00:27

My DD is highly sensitive and goes through periods of anxiety. It started around the age of 7 and is not uncommon. I was recommended a great book to read with her: What To Do When You Worry To Much by Dawn Huebner PhD. It has some really useful techniques.

Original poster
Christmascardsontheshelf · 22/12/2021 00:31

@TimeForTeaAndG

He is 7. Why is he being allowed to watch YouTube videos of plane crashes and access the internet to research these things?!
No restrictions at school and the children can chose computer time or ipad time for golden time or just during break.

We do have netflix, YouTube and prime on the TV so have to hide the remotes to stop him looking up stuff.
Its the way of the world now isn't it? You can't really hide the Internet from children these days.

OP posts:
Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:32

You need to stop the spiral of anxiety. If he sees a story about a planet crash… don’t let him google for more because that’s when it spirals. Instead find statistics for how many planes etc don’t crash to reassure him. Might be worth seeing the GP. Mostly people are anxious about things that 99.9 percent of the time won’t happen. And Flowers again for you as I really feel for you. Might be worth seeing the GP or seeing if someone like kids aid can help

Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:33

Ahh if he’s googling at school then I don’t know… short of talking to them.

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 22/12/2021 00:35

I would get him a child play therapist. Poor mite. Anxiety can't usually be helped without professional support.

I would also boost his exercise as it's great for anxiety relieving. Park run, swimming, sports clubs etc

Booklover3 · 22/12/2021 00:41

Obviously that was supposed to say plane not planet.

Google kids charities in your area and see if any offer counselling. Worth a go.