To want to tell my 6 year old the truth about santa?

[GreenAndPinkThemeTree]

I won’t because she has cousins who’re the same age and a bit younger who believe and she can’t keep a secret but I so want to.

She loves most parts of Christmas, she loves choosing presents for her cousins and other family members – she is surprisingly good at choosing presents. She loves the pretty lights and decorations. She likes counting down and watching more and more presents pile up under the tree.

But she hates Santa, always has. She’s scared of him, gets very anxious in the week before Christmas saying he won’t come etc. and she’s a nightmare behaviour wise worse than any other time. In my house we do 1 present and the stocking from Santa as she’s always been a nightmare with him, the other presents are from me or family – but ExH and his family also do Santa so she gets two “visits”. She is absolutely fine Christmas morning when she sees he’s been, but the build up is horrible for me (and of course her dad only sees her 1 night EOW so it is me who deals with it all).

She has some SN (suspected dyslexia and dyspraxia but does have a communication disorder and hypermobility) so that probably adds to it. When you mention santa she starts getting anxious, will hide. We don’t have any photos of her with Santa at all as she usually refuses to even see him. School don’t even attempt to get her in the hall with her class now and instead have her doing another activity in another room as the first two years (Nursery and Reception) she was at the school she ran off out of the hall when Santa came in –she was found in the toilets--

AIBU I know but it’s such a hard time. She gets very anxious and when she gets anxious she can become violent. I get bitten or hit. She is never violent with anyone else, but me which I am relieved about.

Just a rant really. I won’t tell her the truth about Santa as she’ll just go and tell her cousins and classmates and spoil it for them but I always dread the run up to Christmas.

Could you just ask her if she’d prefer it if Santa didn’t come to her house but left her presents somewhere for mummy to pick up prior to Christmas?

Could you get her to write a letter to him explaining that she doesn’t want him to come into the house and to leave her presents in the car/garage/Grandma’s house? Could she ask the ‘elf’ to bring the gifts?

Has she explained why she’s scared of him?

I think I would say;
Santa understands your scared so we have decided together that I'll collect your presents from his secret house (or secret whatever) and mummy will bring them here for you.

Has she said why she's scared of him?

Oh OP this does sound hard. I know from friends of mine that their DC have similar anxiety issues regarding Santa.

If you’re sure that she’ll go telling all her young cousins the truth then perhaps try and relieve the anxiety a little in the run up? Is the anxiety coming from whether or not she’ll get presents? In which case maybe letters from Santa reassuring her she’s been a really good girl? You saying that Santa always visits?

Or is it she’s worried about him coming in the house? I know my eldest DC (7) used to be anxious about this so we always put the stockings downstairs (not in bedrooms) and reassured her that Santa would never come upstairs, he would fill the stockings, eat his snack and then go.

The only other alternative would be to tell her the truth but I understand your predicament if you think she will tell her cousins/other children.

My 6YO says that the random men in Santa suits at shopping centres etc aren't the real Santa. Would she feel a bit better with something like that? There can still be a real Santa who brings a present to your house.

To be fair, I think kids just get a bit hyper and anxious about Christmas in general. It's excitement overload. It's worse this year cos all the schools are closed early and they have a week to wind themselves up. I know my 8YO doesn't always like surprises and I'm the same. I'd sooner know what I'm getting. So we say he can tell Santa what he'd like (within reason of course!).

Oh for God’s sake. Tell her the truth. It’s ridiculous to put her through this for some made up rubbish that they’ll stop believing in soon enough. Tell her to keep it a secret if that’s important to you - but don’t keep up the charade when it’s making your child miserable.

In fact, I’d ask school to help. Next year when Santa visits school, ask them if she can meet him beforehand and see it’s just a nice, normal man with no superpowers putting on a fake beard and red outfit.

Santa does special requests.

If you would prefer Santa dropped things at another time rather in the middle of the night, this can be arranged. Just fill out the special form.

Just tell her the truth. She will be so much happier. If it’s causing her so much distress, she won’t thank you when she finally works out the truth and knows you have been complicit in her fear.

Stop doing a stocking and say you talked to Santa, he understands she nervous and wont be coming to the house.

I just wouldn’t mention Santa at all In future unless she does. Don’t make a thing of it either way

Tell her.

As others have said, Santa takes requests.
You just need to send him a letter explaining where you would prefer him to leave things.

If coming into the house is a problem then he's really happy to drop off presents on the doorstep, or in a box at the back door

@SprayedWithDettol

Just tell her the truth. She will be so much happier. If it’s causing her so much distress, she won’t thank you when she finally works out the truth and knows you have been complicit in her fear.

Or can you just stop mentioning santa? All the gifts under the tree are from YOU (or family/friends) not him, after all.

I was all ready to say no way can you tell a 6 year old the truth, now I've read your Op I totally see your point. Can you trust her to keep the secret? Or could you ask her if she wants to opt out of santa and you will buy her presents instead? You could say she can always opt back in later if she wants to

I have had this with my DD who is now 10yo. She still believes in Santa and enjoys all the build up to Xmas but point blank refuses to visit any Santa as she is scared of him.

She doesn't like anyone when she can't see their full face and was terrified of the school PE teacher who has a beard until she got to know him.

We have an agreement with Santa that he will 'drop her presents off at Grandad's house and then Grandad will drop them off at our house in the middle of the night'.

Tbf a strange man in your house in the middle of the night is alarming!

Our 3 year old was repeatedly hysterical at the idea of a strange man coming in the house at night: “That’s called a burglar!” We ended up by explaining that it’s a story and reading lots of Father Christmas stories, and talking about how people like to wish it was real. This made her happy. Was easier as 2 other children at nursery were similarly scared and so nursery didn’t over do the Father Christmas stuff for any of them. She’s much happier about pretending along for the adults. The eye rolls at “what is Santa bringing you?” are amazing!

Should say, she’s 6 and I don’t think she’s told anyone re Santa. No one has told me, and I do remind her often not to spill!

As others have said, could you tell her Santa won't be visiting your house this year, but will drop some presents at GPs that she can get another day. Explain that all her presents are from you and maybe let her see them under the tree before she goes to bed?

sounds like a santa phobia which is causing her some considerable anxiety so I'd tell her the truth that he's not real and won't be visiting the house on Xmas eve, it may help massively to calm her anxious mind. let her cousins parents know that you have had to tell her the truth and I'm sure they'll understand.

She doesn't like beards is the main one - my brother had to shave his in the end that's how extreme it is. She can't actually say that but it's obvious from the way she is.

I like the idea of presents being left somewhere else and me collecting them so the strange man doesn't have to come into our house, will definitely have a chat with her tomorrow and see if there's somewhere she'd prefer them to be left.

Poor kid. I would tell her the truth. She's spending time massively stressed out about something that isn't real. Explain that it's a game, now she knows she's in the game and she mustnt spoil it for other kids.

So, tell her the truth, for God's sake. Or, adapt the story so that Father Christmas doesn't actually come in the house.
If she's actually that scared, then it's cruel to continue the pretence.

I would tell her the truth but impress upon her that other children believe and its really important not to tell them. I guess you know your kid and whether this would work.

Just tell her, why tie yourself in knots with more complicated stories. My ds had a Santa phobia when he was little so we told him, it did help although he still had to be taken out of nursery parties etc. Why make them more anxious, you know your child best. My friend's Ds is having nightmares about the nursery elf on the shelf, they'll be glad when December is finished. This isn't fun for some kids.

Tell her the truth. Honestly if she tells her cousins I’d consider that a reasonable price to pay to avoid her being this upset. And I’d say that if the cousins were my children.