Compulsive liar....call out or ignore?

[Redlorryyellowduck]

Nc as she knows I'm on here.
A female relative is the most horrific liar I have ever met.
She lies about anything and everything, from small things to big things. Some of these lies are of no consequence (apart from being stupid and weird) but some are more significant.
Luckily I only have to see her a few times a year, but I'm torn between smiling and nodding, and pulling her up on every single lie. Mostly because I'm annoyed that thinks we are all stupid enough to believe her Walter Mitty version of life.
How do those of you unfortunate enough to have a Tom Pepp in your life cope with it?

I know someone like this. If it's not outright lies it's exaggerations, or a story being a tiny bit more dramatic each time it's told, etc. I just smile and nod. I've corrected the person sometimes, if it involves me etc. But overall I'd rather just be friends and have a nice time than spend time calling out petty lies.

How close is she to you, as in do you have to listen to her lies often, do they ever affect you, and do other family members believe her? Also, are you sure you know what is a lie and what is the truth with her, could there be some bias as she has been dishonest so often in the past- are these things verifiable or could you come out of this looking bad if some unlikely sounding tale turns out to be true? Those would be the 'will this cause problems for me' questions I would ask before being tempted to politely and systematically pull her up on each example of lying.

Billy Bullshitters annoy me a lot as in my view, it is a method of controlling people around them by restricting or distorting the information people have to make decisions with.

Go a bit glazed, maybe a bit of an eye roll and an 'oh aye'. Every time. Just so she knows you're not taken in by the bullshit.

I had a work colleague like this, it’s very very frustrating. Always an “elevenerif-er” too, her lies would always revolve around how she has done something but better than you, or even had an illness much worse than anyone else.

I ultimately couldn’t deal with it, we clashed heads a lot. Others were a bit more patient and could ignore it, but I felt like the previous poster said above about it being controlling. It almost feels insulting to me that they think I am stupid enough to believe what they have just said?

These people are very insecure. A lot would say they are lying to fit into the conversation and impress, but to me that doesn’t fit with the holier than thou attitude that tends to come with it. You can exaggerate your life a bit but you don’t have to put others down.

Ended up on a bit of a tangent there, but like I said to me those personalities fit hand in hand!

I call them out if I've got the energy and if it's not going to make anyone else uncomfortable.

Otherwise I have a finely practised "Yeah, right" expression on my face.

I used to work with someone like this. Told fantastical stories that couldn't possibly be true. Everyone knew it was utter crap and some people called out the person (including me) still the bullshit stories carried on. Crazy stuff like rescuing people that fell down a cliff etc. To such an extent that I firmly believe this person has some kind of personality disorder

These people will never change and seem to waft through life thinking that people don’t see it. I doubt calling her out will change her behaviour as it’s deep rooted in personality and insecurity.

There is someone I know who does it online, she is a mixture of charisma and bully.

Maybe first have a word with someone else , see if they also think she’s bullshitting.

If you’re only seeing this person a few times a year, see if this other ‘witness’ has insight as to how the liar ended up this way.

Depends what kind of lies you're talking about here?

Have a friend like always been to the best restaurants but cannot comment on the menu. Has lots of designer shoes and matching bags but we have never seen them because she doesn't want to show off, there plenty more but I won't bore you. We all play along instead of calling her

One of these in my extended family. I keep quiet usually because it's difficult for her partner that I like. Her own kids though do call her out on it and apparently her partner is always with her when she sees the grandchildren. This makes me think there's something more serious going on than her just lying. I've taken the approach it's probably a mental health issue and try to be kind by just changing the subject. Other people are less kind and quite frank about her.
On the one occasion she really upset me I did struggle though.

There are some people like that, they talk crap most of the time and they don’t even realise they are doing it, l know a few. I just let it go over my head, if they want to make a mess of their lives it’s their choice,

I'd find it impossible to ignore. So bizarre and she must know that you're aware that she's lying. I'd have to call her out on it.

You need a very good memory to be a compulsive liar !!
They will trip themselves up a lot.

I have a, fortunately distant, relative who lives in his own dream world and states possibility or what he would like to be true as fact. If you don't know him all that well it might all seem plausible.

It doesn't impact me all that much because I haven't seen him in person for nearly a decade but he recently told a mutual acquaintance that I had all the historic photos given to me after my grandmother died. The mutual acquaintance was looking for old photos of his house which is a neighbouring house of my grandmother's. Of course that was entirely in my relative's head, I don't have any old photos. I have no qualms about telling people not to believe anything that the relative said as it's more likely to be bullshit than truth.

My mother is a compulsive liar. She lies so effortlessly about so many topics, big and small, that I now assume i cannot trust a single word coming out of her mouth.
She does not do it to harm though, she does it to cover her weakness and how her mental issues are impacting her life.

I do not correct her, normally, i just ignore it even though her lies break my heart.
The few times i react it always ends up badly, with tears, so I regret it every single time.

I have a close relative like this. I try and trip her up, but only so I notice and have ‘proof’. I would never confront her with it. She does it because she wishes the scenarios were true, so I leave her to it.

I think that the only time I would correct it is if it was about me, or if it was painting someone else in the family in a bad light.
I wouldn't let that go.
But I would probably correct with a gentle - hey aunty Flo, you know cousin Ted would never actually do that to you don't you?

If it is just about herself, let it go.

She has been called out before and just told more lies to cover the lies we'd called her on.

Some of the things are beyond possibility due to the timeframes involved, so I wonder if she even cares if we believe her or not if that makes sense, or if she's convinced herself the lies are true.

I'd prefer to call her out each and every time, but she's the mother of a child I care deeply about, she could easily cut me off from the child which would be heartbreaking.

My fear really is that she'll somehow ruin the child's life with her lies and fantasies.

It's just galling to have someone sit at your table, eat your food, and tell you such ridiculous fibs that you feel foolish that she'd even spout them. It's so difficult.

Depends on how much it impacts you and your loved ones

If its just bollocks that doesn't really mean much, I wouldn't bother. Like just an exaggerated story.

If her lies have real life impacts on people then, then I would have it out with her.

I knew a family member whose lies ended up with people investing financially and losing loads of money. That sort of think I would put a stop to, if I knew before hand.

worrying that she has a child.

if that child is old enough, I would really want to have a conversation with them to make it clear that you all love their mum, but she does talk fantasy, and it is ok for the child to acknowledge that, and not to believe all the things their mum says.

As a child it must feel like you are being gaslighted all the time

@WorraLiberty

I call them out if I've got the energy and if it's not going to make anyone else uncomfortable.

Otherwise I have a finely practised "Yeah, right" expression on my face.

This is the best strategy. Don’t smile and nod, they’ll think you believe them and it encourages them. Just do that “yeah, right” look. Nothing you can do stops them. If they’re called out they bluster, and everyone feels embarrassed except them. Our own PM does it. Remember when an interviewer asked him what he does in his spare time and he said “I make things. I make….. buses”. Big smirk on his face.

My cousin is exactly like this. She’s borderline pathological with her lies to the point we don’t believe anything that comes out her mouth. She’s always been this way as well, it’s so random because the rest of the family are a bit too honest. We don’t know where she gets it from. And there’s no point calling her out on them, she just flat out denies or tells more lies. We had a situation where there were 3 people telling her that her version of events wasn’t true as they were there and she still flat out denied and made up her own scenario. It’s exhausting but she’s never going to change so we just put up with it.

I always assume people like this believe their own lies so calling them out will just melt their brains.

I think some people embellish a story a lot as time goes on, my late in laws were like this and it always ended up with them being in the right !
( late mil was a textbook narcissist though)
They didn't lie as such , but twisted it to fit their own narrative , even though I knew the story wasn't quite how they portrayed it to others.