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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can live off £350 a month

111 replies

SethWho · 21/12/2021 09:52

Just me and DD after bills and rent. Is it possible?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 21/12/2021 12:53

In the past week my DC have needed the following.

A Christmas jumper for school...he's a teen so I can't stick a bit of tinsel on an old jumper. He's in adult sizes so it cost me £16

New joggers £20

He's meeting a friend in the park and his football is knackered so I've just bought him a new one £5

Dd wants to make cinnamon buns so I need to buy a load of ingredients

One of my relatives surprised me with a Christmas gift for the kids so I've had to reciprocate...£20

My dc is off on a trip with a group they belong to . £5

Honestly...these little things crop up all the time.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2021 12:54

@Iseeyoulookingatme

£350 after bills is plenty. I have about £400 after bills are paid and this covers my travel to work which is about £150 a month, food and some treats and I live a good life. If I need anything I put a bit aside and save for it. I spend about £30 a week on food and have the odd takeaway.
£30 a week for how many people?
TractorAndHeadphones · 21/12/2021 12:58

@LoveGoldberg

I’m on a low budget but I think OP is getting unnecessary flack for trying to work things out. We don’t know why she’s asking so it’s unfair to jump to conclusions. She could be planning to leave a financially abusive partner for all we know (hopefully not and you are just working stuff out). She’s obviously not lived on this budget before so is asking advice from others that have.

If she was asking how can I hide £100k from the tax office then fair enough!

But the advice is useless if she’s asking about luxuries. People can give a general overview of how much essentials cost , maybe the daughter’s stuff but it’s impossible to advise on someone else’s lifestyle spend.

If OP went on MoneySavingExpert and used their budget maker it would give more clarity

WonderfulYou · 21/12/2021 13:00

Yes that’s loads just for petrol and luxuries!!

Unless your petrol is £100 a week then obviously it’s not enough.

OverTheRubicon · 21/12/2021 13:00

@Comedycook

In the past week my DC have needed the following.

A Christmas jumper for school...he's a teen so I can't stick a bit of tinsel on an old jumper. He's in adult sizes so it cost me £16

New joggers £20

He's meeting a friend in the park and his football is knackered so I've just bought him a new one £5

Dd wants to make cinnamon buns so I need to buy a load of ingredients

One of my relatives surprised me with a Christmas gift for the kids so I've had to reciprocate...£20

My dc is off on a trip with a group they belong to . £5

Honestly...these little things crop up all the time.

Christmas jumper for school - you must have known more than a week in advance, can buy for a few £ from a charity shop, or borrow from someone else New joggers - do you mean as in jogging bottoms? £20 is not huge for new, but on a tight budget you could get via one of the second hand apps much cheaper, a supermarket a fair bit cheaper (or not buy) New football - seems reasonable, but this should be a rare thing Reciprocating Christmas gifts for £20 - absolutely not going to happen for people on limited budgets, you make something handmade, food, or a heartfelt card Group trip - kids have to have fewer choices on tight budgets

Am always amazed by how some.mners will come on to say that anything more than 1 pack of Lidl pasta a week for a family of 10 is excessive, while others paste lists like this of total luxuries, apparently without realising it..

JinglingHellsBells · 21/12/2021 13:01

We need some context.

A haircut might be £30 once every 8 weeks. (Yes I know hairdressers in some areas who charge that.)

Clothes for yourself only need buying if what you have gets worn out.

Treats- what are they? Entertainment, going out?

You are talking of around £85 a week for non-essentials, although without knowing your mileage we can't comment on petrol.

You need to look at annual payments like car tax and insurance, and home insurance etc.

JinglingHellsBells · 21/12/2021 13:04

what has changed that you need to ask this question OP?

If you now get some childcare costs paid you must be better off than before.

so is this about having more- or less- income that you are used to?

Nightowl1989 · 21/12/2021 13:08

After my bills, food, £130 for petrol and childcare I'm left with £13, I'm a single mum I work 30 hours a week and claim all the benefits I can...so I think £350 is bloody amazing I can only just afford to take my daughter swimming once a month, no money for treats and beauty. If I had £350 left I'd consider myself very lucky x

Comedycook · 21/12/2021 13:09

Christmas jumper for school - you must have known more than a week in advance, can buy for a few £ from a charity shop, or borrow from someone else

I tried to borrow one but no one had one in his size. He's also a fashion conscious teen not a five-year old.

New joggers - do you mean as in jogging bottoms? £20 is not huge for new, but on a tight budget you could get via one of the second hand apps much cheaper, a supermarket a fair bit cheaper (or not buy)

You won't get much cheaper in a supermarket in adult sizes and again, like I said, he's a teen.

New football - seems reasonable, but this should be a rare thing

It is but these are occurrences are always happening!

Reciprocating Christmas gifts for £20 - absolutely not going to happen for people on limited budgets, you make something handmade, food, or a heartfelt card

By the time you cost up the ingredients and pay to post as relative is hundreds of miles away, it wouldn't be much less than £20. I also have a relative who every year sends my DC a £40 voucher...I have no choice but to reciprocate with the same. Sending some home made fudge through the post is not going to go down well

Group trip - kids have to have fewer choices on tight budgets

I'm not going to deny my sn DC who struggles socially a £5 trip with some friends.

Christmissy · 21/12/2021 13:10

Bit of a drip feed.

Lovemusic33 · 21/12/2021 13:24

I don’t really understand, your bills are paid? Your food is paid? And child care is paid? So you have £350 left?

Many people have nothing left after paying all those things, £350 is plenty to cover clothes, hair cuts etc..

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/12/2021 13:24

@Comedycook

Christmas jumper for school - you must have known more than a week in advance, can buy for a few £ from a charity shop, or borrow from someone else

I tried to borrow one but no one had one in his size. He's also a fashion conscious teen not a five-year old.

New joggers - do you mean as in jogging bottoms? £20 is not huge for new, but on a tight budget you could get via one of the second hand apps much cheaper, a supermarket a fair bit cheaper (or not buy)

You won't get much cheaper in a supermarket in adult sizes and again, like I said, he's a teen.

New football - seems reasonable, but this should be a rare thing

It is but these are occurrences are always happening!

Reciprocating Christmas gifts for £20 - absolutely not going to happen for people on limited budgets, you make something handmade, food, or a heartfelt card

By the time you cost up the ingredients and pay to post as relative is hundreds of miles away, it wouldn't be much less than £20. I also have a relative who every year sends my DC a £40 voucher...I have no choice but to reciprocate with the same. Sending some home made fudge through the post is not going to go down well

Group trip - kids have to have fewer choices on tight budgets

I'm not going to deny my sn DC who struggles socially a £5 trip with some friends.

While not luxuries these are all things you don’t have to buy.

Being fashion conscious is a privilege. Your kid wants cinnamon buns she doesn’t need them.
Joggers - plenty around for £15 or less. I just bought DP some.
Gift : If you’re struggling but your relative expects a reciprocal £20 gift then they’re dicks and you shouldn’t feel bad about not responding in kind.

Of course you personally are not on the breadline.

But If someone is they have to make harsh choices about what they can and cannot afford. There is no point in saying that all of these are expenses that one must pay for. Unlike school uniforms.
You do raise a good point about things cropping up. Probably OP can budget a set amount each month to go towards these but once it’s gone that’s it….

Comedycook · 21/12/2021 13:30

No I'm not on the breadline but I have lived on what the op has and it is tight...ok, it's not as tight as someone who is left with nothing after bills but she certainly won't be living lavishly. I find kids need stuff constantly...I remember when my DD kept coming home with holes in the knees of her tights after tripping over in the playground. She went through three pairs in a week. They had to be replaced..even a multipack of supermarket ones were £10. Last week ds lost his pe top at school. That was another £15.

JinglingHellsBells · 21/12/2021 13:39

@Comedycook If you are a bit hard up, your relative who sends you £40 surely doesn't expect you to reciprocate with the same amount?

You should not feel forced to spend more than you can afford on the basis that other people give you a generous gift.

DeepaBeesKit · 21/12/2021 13:50

350 a month doesn't go far when it needs to cover

  • school uniform
  • shoes
  • essential clothing
  • gifts
  • the basics of christmas
  • fuel/transport.
  • school trips & related sundries
  • important extras like swimming lessons - few children actually meet national curriculum required level without lessons outside school.

I don't consider any of those things luxuries.

Comedycook · 21/12/2021 13:50

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@Comedycook If you are a bit hard up, your relative who sends you £40 surely doesn't expect you to reciprocate with the same amount?

You should not feel forced to spend more than you can afford on the basis that other people give you a generous gift.[/quote]
It's £40 they spend on my DC. She has a teen DC and there is no way I cannot reciprocate. It's fine..I can afford it. I could do without it to be honest but here we are! Just making the point that money doesn't seem to go very far.

Grenlei · 21/12/2021 14:00

I've been better and worse off than I am now but I've never spent where I didn't need to.

It's only a couple of years since my DC were teens. Possibly I'm lucky but they never expected expensive clothes - always quite happy with basic joggers and T shirts from Primark, £5-8 for the joggers and £3-5 for T shirts. Anything more expensive or branded was bought for birthday/ Christmas.

I would never reciprocate a present out of obligation if I couldn't afford to.

OverTheRubicon · 21/12/2021 14:19

By the time you cost up the ingredients and pay to post as relative is hundreds of miles away, it wouldn't be much less than £20. I also have a relative who every year sends my DC a £40 voucher...I have no choice but to reciprocate with the same. Sending some home made fudge through the post is not going to go down well

If it wouldn't go down well, then either that's because she knows you're comfortably off, or because she's an arse (in which case you don't need to send back). For many many people, £40 is a very large amount of what is left each month after the bare necessities, let alone extra £20 for others and more. The fact that you consider these as well as £20 for joggers to be non-negotiables just demonstrates how out of touch many MNers are with the life of many single mums and others in the country.

Iseeyoulookingatme · 21/12/2021 14:21

I have 1 ds, to those who have asked. I shop at Aldi and I haven't got a car so only really buy as much as I can carry home so this possibly helps to keep the costs down. Occasionally my shop will go over £30 a week but I can get pretty much what I need for me and ds for £30. I appreciate if you have more kids and or babies the cost would be higher.

Comedycook · 21/12/2021 14:23

@OverTheRubicon

By the time you cost up the ingredients and pay to post as relative is hundreds of miles away, it wouldn't be much less than £20. I also have a relative who every year sends my DC a £40 voucher...I have no choice but to reciprocate with the same. Sending some home made fudge through the post is not going to go down well

If it wouldn't go down well, then either that's because she knows you're comfortably off, or because she's an arse (in which case you don't need to send back). For many many people, £40 is a very large amount of what is left each month after the bare necessities, let alone extra £20 for others and more. The fact that you consider these as well as £20 for joggers to be non-negotiables just demonstrates how out of touch many MNers are with the life of many single mums and others in the country.

So if you had a relative who sent your DC a £40 voucher, are you really saying you'd make some home made fudge and a card and send them to their teen?
Decemberfinances · 21/12/2021 14:31

[quote Theresamagicalplace]@Comedycook £350 a month to spend on luxuries is not a tight budget at all.[/quote]
This!

Comedycook · 21/12/2021 14:37

Of course it's tight...I've done it and really struggled. It's less than £100 a week and for the op has to cover petrol. She has a child...have you seen how much school shoes are or a warm winter coat? Or even just a multipack of tights for school? Then your DC is invited to a party and you need to buy a gift...then your kettle or toaster or washing machine break? Or your car has a puncture and you need a new tyre?

FissionMailed · 21/12/2021 14:42

@Comedycook

Of course it's tight...I've done it and really struggled. It's less than £100 a week and for the op has to cover petrol. She has a child...have you seen how much school shoes are or a warm winter coat? Or even just a multipack of tights for school? Then your DC is invited to a party and you need to buy a gift...then your kettle or toaster or washing machine break? Or your car has a puncture and you need a new tyre?
shoes and winter coats aren't a monthly expense. Of you've money, you get shoes from shoe zone for £10 when they needed and a coat from Primark for £15. Of someone's ripping tights, buy trousers for £11 a two pack, not a monthly cost. Child invited to a party, small £5 gift from Amazon, again not a monthly cost. Kettle, toaster, washing machines and tyres shouldn't be a monthly cost either.

If someone is struggling with £100 a week disposable income, they're doing something very wrong.

FissionMailed · 21/12/2021 14:45

So if you had a relative who sent your DC a £40 voucher, are you really saying you'd make some home made fudge and a card and send them to their teen?

I'd be ringing them and telling them not to.
But then my relatives wouldn't be sending gifts in expectation of an equal return.

INeedNewShoes · 21/12/2021 15:13

I don't reciprocate with gifts if I can't afford to. I've told my friends that I just cannot afford to buy presents for friends at the moment and that they ought not to buy presents for DD. I'd like to be able to give presents to close friends in future but it's not possible at the moment. A couple of friends still insist on sending (generous) presents knowing that their DC will receive nothing in return.

These are very close friends who know my financial situation and they seem happy with this so I just try to be comfortable with it.