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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my husband over this

64 replies

Grumpbagmum · 20/12/2021 22:10

My husband is going to a concert and I’ve found out he’s going to meet an ex there as they both like the band. They dated when they were teenagers and are mates and I’m fine with that, I don’t like her very much but she’s not my mate and I don’t have to spend time with her so it’s fine.

However my husband hasn’t told me about it, i saw a message from the ex on his phone pop up and had a nose at the conversation (because I’m nosy AF).

I’m pretty sure he hasn’t told me as he knows I’m not a fan of hers and also he thinks the concert will probably get cancelled because of Covid.

In the conversation he’s offered to take her and pick her up, she does not live on the way there, it’ll be about two hours drive out of his way to get to hers before a long drive to the concert. He’d also been saying to me he was going to hire a car rather than taking our big vehicle, claiming it would be cheaper on a long journey, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to take our (my) vehicle.

Rather than ask him about it I decided to book a hotel for him and have offered to go with him (night away from the kids, it’ll be good for both of us). He agreed to this and still hasn’t told me but has said it will probably be cancelled.

Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed about this? I genuinely don’t mind him going with her, I can’t stand the band and it’ll be nice for him to go with someone. But I’m seriously pissed off that he hasn’t told me about their plans to meet up. I feel like the grown up thing would be to talk to him about it, but I kind of just want to mess with him 😂

OP posts:
rrhuth · 21/12/2021 10:06

@Aquamarine1029

Your husband is cheating on you. How can you not see this?
I could not say he is but it sure as hell looks like it to me.

I would be very Hmm if my husband was sneaking about like this.

Chasingaftermidnight · 21/12/2021 10:10

That’s a whole lot of deception in one relationship.

Offmyfence · 21/12/2021 10:25

I would confront him!

Staryflight445 · 21/12/2021 10:35

I think the fact you’re messing with him and not just talking to him shows the flaws in your relationship too.

You both have a serious communication issue.

5keletor · 21/12/2021 10:49

I've said YANBU because you're not wrong to be suspicious, but playing games with him isn't good either.
I wouldn't be happy about the lying even if it was innocent, but it sounds like it potentially isn't, so you really need to confront him - you know for a fact he was planning to meet her so will know he's definitely lying if he denies it.

neverbeenskiing · 21/12/2021 11:02

I don't care how "sweet" you say he is, no man has ever driven 2 hours out of his way to spend time with a woman he wasn't hoping to have sex with...unless it's his Mum.

Wake up, OP. He's arranged to meet up with his ex-girlfriend behind your back. He's so desperate to see her he's driving two hours out of his way to pick her up. He's renting a car for no good reason whatsoever. The whole thing stinks.

Bookworm20 · 21/12/2021 11:33

When is the concert?
If hes happy for you to come and stay in the hotel room, its weird he still hasn't mentioned the 'by the way we are picking up my ex on the way and i'll have to drop her back afterwards and then come back to the hotel' part of this scenario.
Or do you think he'll talk you out of coming?

Hemingwayscatz · 21/12/2021 12:31

I think most people would be completely seething about this and wouldn’t play games like booking hotels, they’d have to confront their spouse immediately. I don’t know why you’re staying so calm, it sounds like he’s planning on cheating to me.

FanciedChange · 21/12/2021 13:49

@explodingeyes

I can not imagine an innocent scenario where my DH would drive 2 hours in a hire car to meet up with an ex. It's just too odd
No I can't imagine one either, doesn't sound great.
sueelleker · 21/12/2021 13:51

@Lolabray

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be happy about that why on earth would he go two hours out of his way to pick up and drop off an ex . Sounds strange to me.
And he's probably hiring a car so that you don't question the mileage. Sounds fishy.
DontBlameMe79 · 21/12/2021 14:17

Could just be that he hasn’t mentioned it because he doesn’t want an argument and it isn’t a big deal. You said you were jealous at the start, so that could make him keep quiet to avoid potential drama/or just upsetting you.

But it could be something worse being covered up. No way to know really.

I realise that isn’t a very helpful answer, but it’s more realistic than all the other posters offering certainly, because they just know….

Bookworm20 · 21/12/2021 15:18

so that could make him keep quiet to avoid potential drama/or just upsetting you.

In my experience lying about something your dp might not be too happy about causes far far more potential drama and upset than being honest and upfront about it in the first place.

Lollyfalalalalalalalalaaahhhhh · 21/12/2021 15:32

Oh give over OP.

spotcheck · 21/12/2021 16:36

Could just be that he hasn’t mentioned it because he doesn’t want an argument and it isn’t a big deal. You said you were jealous at the start, so that could make him keep quiet to avoid potential drama/or just upsetting you

Liars everywhere use that excuse! " You would be upset, so I had no other CHOICE but to lie!!"

Cannot roll my eyes hard enough

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