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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder who is right in this disagreement?

139 replies

WiganDiva · 20/12/2021 13:28

Just had a conversation with my cousin, who is coming on Xmas Day with her family. There will be twelve in total. She mentioned in passing about doing a LFT on Xmas Eve.

It turns out her family are doing LFTs before they go anywhere and meet anyone. And, crucially, she assumes everyone else is doing the same.

We only test when we’ve been a close contact (or symptoms) and are otherwise carrying on with our lives. No one we’ve met or are planning to meet has asked us about LFTs beforehand.

She says this no one asks because everyone is doing them and it’s a given. I think no one asks because everyone is doing what they feel comfortable with and would explicitly ask if they wanted everyone they were meeting to have done a LFT first.

What do you think? This is not about the rights/wrongs of testing but about what people are assuming about other people.

OP posts:
itssquidstella · 20/12/2021 16:01

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy because I don't want to have to cancel my Christmas plans.

LonginesPrime · 20/12/2021 16:04

The fact so many people seem to assume that everyone else is behaving exactly as they are is likely increasing the spread of Covid, as people are being less safe than they realise by not explicitly asking others if they're testing beforehand before meeting up with them.

I don't understand why people would go to all that trouble to test themselves over and over and then meet up with people who might have Covid and who aren't testing themselves without even bothering to ask.

Surely the whole point of testing oneself before going out is to minimise the risk of spreading the virus by making sure the only people mixing together have had recent negative tests? How can this be checked if people aren't having that conversation with the people they're mixing with?

Tiredpregnantmess · 20/12/2021 16:16

I do them when meeting family and friends indoors as I want to protect them if I have it without symptoms. I will be doing it to see his 66 year old parents over Christmas and would expect them to do the same as I am ecv even without the pregnancy

Hesma · 20/12/2021 16:24

I think it’s only polite to LFT and definitely will be doing so before visiting family

TriciaMcMillan · 20/12/2021 16:24

[quote itssquidstella]@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy because I don't want to have to cancel my Christmas plans.[/quote]
Because if you test, it's Covid and if not it just goes away?

CoffeeMuggins · 20/12/2021 16:25

Yeah I would assume everyone is doing them before gatherings such as dinners and parties.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2021 16:30

The default amongst people I know seems to be everyone doing them before meeting, although it is generally said outloud too

What you’re doing seems to be almost applying the criteria for a PCR to LFT - you’re not meant to do an LFT if you have symptoms, it needs to be a PCR

Squeezita · 20/12/2021 16:30

I would tell her that I will do one but that I can't take responsibility for everyone else. She can ask them directly if she wants.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2021 16:32

The mindset of not testing because you don’t want to isolate is just mind bogglingly stupid

itssquidstella · 20/12/2021 16:33

@TriciaMcMillan my family want to see me; I want to see them. We have mutually decided not to test so that we don't have to cancel our plans.

CoffeeMuggins · 20/12/2021 16:35

[quote itssquidstella]@TriciaMcMillan my family want to see me; I want to see them. We have mutually decided not to test so that we don't have to cancel our plans.[/quote]
Remarkable.

Squeezita · 20/12/2021 16:35

[quote itssquidstella]@TriciaMcMillan my family want to see me; I want to see them. We have mutually decided not to test so that we don't have to cancel our plans.[/quote]
You all deserve each other, clearly.

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 20/12/2021 16:35

I've NEVER done one. As far as I've been made aware I haven't been in contact with a Covid positive person.

I've had two colds, both times went for PCR and was negative.

I wouldn't do a LFT unless someone asked me too or if I had symptoms (but then I'd get a PCR). They're not very accurate and I just don't see the point!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/12/2021 16:36

I'm not doing LFTs before every indoor meeting. It would be a right pain in the arse considering they're not easy to get hold of at the moment. I'm prioritising mine for hospital appointments.

As far as I'm aware, my friends and family aren't doing them either. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem doing one, but I have three at the moment so I may need to be supplied with one.

Squeezita · 20/12/2021 16:36

I've NEVER done one.

Here's a medal.

mugglenutmeg · 20/12/2021 16:42

A gathering of twelve...I'd be doing one.

I wouldn't assume everyone automatically thinks the same though so I might suggest it or request it.

cherryonthecakes · 20/12/2021 16:59

You can't assume that everyone is doing one but if you're seeing someone elderly or with health issues I think you should be doing one as a preventative thing

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2021 17:03

@itssquidstella

because I don't want to have to cancel my Christmas plans

That selfish attitude is exactly why we're back in this situation again!

Are you going to die if you don't get your Christmas dinner?

No.

Are you going to die if you get COVID? Quite possibly.

OnGoldenPond · 20/12/2021 17:12

I wouldn't assume but would explicitly ask people I am meeting to do this and would tell them I would do the same.

I recently tested positive on an LFT but I was testing before every time I went out so every day until I got the positive test. This means I pinpointed very quickly when I become infectious so was able to minimise spread. I strongly suspect I caught it from another family member who has been doing no testing so may well have been infected with very mild symptoms a couple of weeks ago but never picked it up and has been in the office and out for drinks several times in that period.

blueluce85 · 20/12/2021 17:42

If they are doing LFTs the night before, they may as well not do one. They need to do it on the day as it can change so quickly. It would be disappointing if they came back positive ...but better to sit it out rather than pass it around

GabriellaMontez · 20/12/2021 17:47

She shouldn't assume that. Everyone doesn't. Anyone who thinks that "everyone" does probably lives in a bubble where that is the norm. Most people don't.

GabriellaMontez · 20/12/2021 17:48

[quote GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]@itssquidstella

because I don't want to have to cancel my Christmas plans

That selfish attitude is exactly why we're back in this situation again!

Are you going to die if you don't get your Christmas dinner?

No.

Are you going to die if you get COVID? Quite possibly.[/quote]
Almost certainly not. Ffs.

UnsuitableHat · 20/12/2021 17:50

Don’t know about assuming, but it’s not unreasonable to be asked to do LFT before a gathering. I’m testing most days at the mo and wouldn’t have any problem with someone asking me to.

Kite22 · 20/12/2021 17:52

No idea which way to vote as I am not sure which way your AIBU is working, but I wouldn't assume anything.

If it were important to me, then I would ask everyone to take them.
If I were going somewhere I knew someone were particularly vulnerable, then I would make the decision to take one myself, even if not asked, but I am not regularly testing every time I leave the house, no.

galacticpixels · 20/12/2021 17:52

In my circle, most people seem to do them before meeting other households indoors. I recently met up with 4 friends and we all did one before meeting... someone mentioned it would be a good idea but everyone was already planning on it. I do one just before leaving the house to meet someone.