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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder who is right in this disagreement?

139 replies

WiganDiva · 20/12/2021 13:28

Just had a conversation with my cousin, who is coming on Xmas Day with her family. There will be twelve in total. She mentioned in passing about doing a LFT on Xmas Eve.

It turns out her family are doing LFTs before they go anywhere and meet anyone. And, crucially, she assumes everyone else is doing the same.

We only test when we’ve been a close contact (or symptoms) and are otherwise carrying on with our lives. No one we’ve met or are planning to meet has asked us about LFTs beforehand.

She says this no one asks because everyone is doing them and it’s a given. I think no one asks because everyone is doing what they feel comfortable with and would explicitly ask if they wanted everyone they were meeting to have done a LFT first.

What do you think? This is not about the rights/wrongs of testing but about what people are assuming about other people.

OP posts:
Sausagedogsarethebest · 20/12/2021 13:56

We're only doing them if we've been in contact with someone who has tested positive; if we're showing any sort of symptoms (regardless of contact); If we go to an event where you have to show a negative test.

We're not doing them before every contact, and it's actually hard to get hold of the LFTs where I live - all the pharmacies have no stocks.

M0rT · 20/12/2021 13:58

I think your cousin and her family are right to be doing them, but you are right not to assume anyone you meet has done one.
I know a cross section, some people doing then every second day or when they are going out if working from home.
Some people never do them.
I'm in Ireland though and the messaging around them is poor and they are not free.

IVflytrap · 20/12/2021 13:59

I would assume most people meeting family for Christmas would be doing them and so probably wouldn't prompt anyone. Maybe I'm misremembering, but I think someone in the government recently suggested that we do this, anyway?

We will be doing LFs on Christmas morning as we have vulnerable family members coming for Christmas dinner. And we've suggested they make sure they have food in any home, in case any of us test positive on the day.

RuggerHug · 20/12/2021 14:00

Right now I'd like to assume everyone is doing them before they see anyone in groups/out but if I've learnt nothing from this entire thing it's that you can never assume other people do the basics.

ZenNudist · 20/12/2021 14:00

I've done 1 LFT in my life. Not a big tester but even I am doing it before meeting family for Christmas. I don't want to make anyone ill.

IVflytrap · 20/12/2021 14:00

*at home

JabNotInArm · 20/12/2021 14:00

We do them before we meet people but wouldn't assume anyone did. We ask if it's important to us

IncompleteSenten · 20/12/2021 14:01

YANBU You should never assume anything!

Honeyroar · 20/12/2021 14:01

Nobody is right or wrong, there’s no standard, but I think at this point it’s polite and sensible to do one.

bigbluebus · 20/12/2021 14:08

It's the norm to do them before a meet up now in all of my social circles.
In fact we've also done them when levels were much lower before going to stay with friends too.
I thought the government/scientific advice now was to do them - and something I read yesterday suggested you should do them immediately before you meet up rather than up to 24 hours before .

SoftPillow · 20/12/2021 14:10

I think most people I know are doing them before meeting indoors. People seem to mention it in passing, or confirming before setting off 'LF negative, on our way' and I am now testing before indoor meet ups.

That said I know so many people with Covid, probably 10+ people with it at the moment, so it's changed my perspective from not testing to testing.

I wouldn't insist, but I'd rather people did do them and would have assumed you would.

mrsbitaly · 20/12/2021 14:10

Given the current situation yes I would assume people would do a lateral test before

Sally872 · 20/12/2021 14:12

We all do lateral flows before meeting. I expect everyone I know is. But I will double check if not already mentioned.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/12/2021 14:12

I have learnt never to assume anything in life.

Coughee · 20/12/2021 14:15

I think it's mad anyone would assume everyone is lateral flow testing. There are so many varied and conflicting opinions on covid so why would there be a consensus on this? I would absolutely make a point of asking before a gathering rather than assuming everyone was on the same page as me.

LakieLady · 20/12/2021 14:15

I do them if I'm going to be seeing people indoors and I've seen other people indoors since the last time I did one. We have to do an LFT if we're going to the office for any reason (mostly WFH) so I've got used to it.

If SIL's friends had done the same, SIL, Niece and BIL might not all have had Covid in the last 10 days. BIL's Covid only started a couple of days ago, so they've postponed Christmas until the 30th.

thevassal · 20/12/2021 14:17

Yeah I wouldnt necessarily assume but then personally do do one before meeting anyone indoors without being asked. They are so easy, and free, why wouldn't you? Had my work Christmas party 2 weeks ago and were were all asked to test, 2 people tested positive without any symptoms at all and feeling fine. They were literally dressed and ready to go before having to ring to say they couldn't come!

Toplowlight · 20/12/2021 14:18

I don’t assume others do them, but I do them myself because I like to not be an irresponsible twat where possible.

Twentypast · 20/12/2021 14:23

I wouldn't assume. I've asked all my Christmas guests to test Christmas morning before arriving.

AlternativePerspective · 20/12/2021 14:24

I wouldn’t assume but I would make it clear that I expected people to do them.

My DP doesn’t live with me and is coming here for Christmas. I have told him that he needs to do a lft the morning before he comes up here.

I haven’t been out socialising but if I was then I would be doing them. The other day I was on a packed bus and I did a lft last night to be sure I hadn’t picked up COVID on there.

TheFlis12345 · 20/12/2021 14:26

We are testing before meeting anyone indoors, as are all of my friends, family and colleagues.

caz198917 · 20/12/2021 14:28

I think it's a very sensible approach. What harm will it cause you to do one

Shellingbynight · 20/12/2021 14:29

I wouldn't make that assumption. I know a few people who do LFTs before meet-ups, they tend to mention it. But other than that I am not aware my friends do, and certainly wouldn't assume so.

LonginesPrime · 20/12/2021 14:31

Given that everyone has their own comfort levels around Covid and everyone has different lifestyles (meaning that some people are having to risk more exposure through work, school, etc), it's abundantly clear that there are many different widely-held views on Covid precautions.

Given that people's practices are based on their own beliefs, and that there are a range of different beliefs on the topic, I think it would be very naive of your cousin to assume that everyone is doing exactly the same as her in terms of Covid precautions.

I would make it clear to her that you're not asking guests to do LFTs beforehand (assuming that's the case), so that she has all the information she needs to decide whether she's still comfortable coming.

stripetop · 20/12/2021 14:33

Reminds of of the new NHS campaign I have just seen being shared by friends....

Flow before you go, don't take an unwanted gift with you this Christmas.....