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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at people who suggest using having covid as an excuse if it's not the truth?

48 replies

Jennifer2r · 20/12/2021 12:30

As usual round Christmas time on Mumsnet theres so many threads where people have social obligations that they don't want to go to. Such is the nature of families and Christmas and work events etc.

I'm amazed this year to see the amount of posts in reply that say

"Oh wouldn't it be a shame if you'd had a positive PCR test 😉"

"Can't you tell them you're isolating because you have covid?"

"If I was you I'd say i had a cough and was waiting on results of PCR test"

I'm ready to be told iabu but I'm quite shocked by this, covid is a serious illness and people have died. You wouldnt suggest lying and saying you had cancer or glandular fever or pneumonia? Or maybe you would? It's horrible to have to say no, or to go along with plans you really hate the idea of, but surely this isn't the answer?

I remember being a bit when a friend admitted to saying that her baby was poorly when he wasn't, in order to get out of a night out. Just seems such a unecesaary lie.

OP posts:

notanothertakeaway · 20/12/2021 12:38

I think it's a shitty thing to do, especially when it'll leave someone out of pocket eg if they paid for your place at a wedding

steppemum · 20/12/2021 12:45

well, pre Covid there were always posts saying things like - Oh sadly you happen to have just come down with D&V - what a shame!

So I don't think it is any different.

But I really hate this, especially when something is booked. Spoils it for others, just learn to say no in the first place.

CoffeeAndDryShampoo · 20/12/2021 13:14

It doesn't sit right with me either OP. It almost makes a mockery out of all those who have suffered and sadly died from the virus. I think it's completely different from using D&V as an excuse, D&V hasn't killed hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.

LethargicActress · 20/12/2021 13:17

Actually D&V does cause deaths all over the world, we just happen to be very lucky here in the UK that it doesn’t affect us.

I don’t think lying about covid is any worse than lying about D&V.

TulipCat · 20/12/2021 13:19

People have faked illness to get out of social engagements since the dawn of time. I think people have forgotten that the old chestnuts of vomiting and flu exist because of all the emphasis on covid. That's probably why they are picking covid. Personally I think it's a bad idea because if you have a positive test you need to isolate. How do they explain it if they are seen out in the following days?

SpringRainbow · 20/12/2021 13:20

I voted unreasonable only because people have come up with all sorts of excuses to get out of stuff, including illness well before covid.

It’s nothing new, covid has just been added to the long list of excuses people use to get out of things they don’t want to do.

I don’t agree with it, but it’s nothing new.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2021 13:22

YANBU

But remember this is Mumsnet where basic, adult communication is often seen as 'confrontation'.

Some people choose lies as their 'easy option', rather than just communicating the truth.

HailAdrian · 20/12/2021 13:24

Erm I think covid is probably more comparable to flu or norovirus than cancer.

Most people don't die or particularly even suffer with covid, the same cannot be said of cancer.

Original poster

Jennifer2r · 20/12/2021 17:51

People die of flu too!

OP posts:

Chikapu · 20/12/2021 17:55

I think lying about any kind of illness is awful. I remember my brother getting out of something by saying that my dad was very ill in hospital after a heart attack and it was a complete lie.

DurhamDurham · 20/12/2021 17:58

I've not used that as an excuse myself but that not to say I wouldn't if I couldn't come up with something better

But I would never say one of my children were ill if they weren't, that's awful and I'd feel like I was tempting fate although I don't usually believe in all that.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/12/2021 18:00

Given that covid has given us 2 years of shite I think people should make the most of the upside and the opportunity for JOMO

Original poster

Jennifer2r · 20/12/2021 18:04

@shirleyphallus (amazing username!) Why not just say you're worried about getting covid rather than lie about actually having it. Someone on another thread just suggested the op lie and tell her children that a relative has covid so they can't stay for Christmas... surely kids are upset/anxious enough about how much stuff covid has ruined.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jennifer2r · 20/12/2021 18:05

@chikapu that's awful.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 20/12/2021 18:08

It pisses me off that people can't just tell the truth.

LlamaParma · 20/12/2021 18:15

I could never lie about it because you just KNOW the very person I lied to would see me in Asda 2 days later.

MN is annoyingly encouraging of lying, it’s a bit weird. You can’t go far wrong telling the truth

Lammysaurus · 20/12/2021 18:38

I think it's a problem to lie and say you actually have COVID (or even clear COVID symptoms) - even just on a practical/considerate level, leaving aside ethics which can be subjective. Given the contagion factor, hearing you have it could impact anyone you've been in close physical contact with recently (and if you haven't been in contact with anyone, it's not really plausible that you'd have it).

However, I think COVID-related reasons (I'm self-isolating, social distancing, avoiding large events, not travelling this year, etc.) are fine and should be respected.

HailAdrian · 20/12/2021 18:47

@Jennifer2r

People die of flu too!

MOST people don't...

UnsuitableHat · 20/12/2021 18:53

Completely agree with you - I wince when I see that. I think lying about being ill to get out of something is a bit crappy anyway.

Treacletreacle · 20/12/2021 18:56

Ahh I also think karma would then curse you if you lie about things like that. 🤔

Original poster

Jennifer2r · 21/12/2021 22:03

Quite surprised that the poll says I'm being unreasonable. I guess most people think it's fine and a convenient excuse, although no one has posted to say so.

OP posts:

Emerald5hamrock · 21/12/2021 22:08

Some family relationships are toxic, people have always used illness as an excuse to avoid meeting up, covid is believable however honesty is the best policy.

Sceptre86 · 21/12/2021 23:29

A work colleague said her mum fell down the stairs so she could get out of an after work learning event. She did tell me the truth but I did judge her for it. It's a nasty lie to tell.

I agree with you op.

Sometimeswinning · 21/12/2021 23:38

But not everyone has experienced it as being at its worse. Everyone I know has felt slightly poorly, no symptoms or just not had it. I wouldn't use it as an excuse purely for the reason it's a massive commitment (10 days and you can't really use it as an excuse/reason more than once) Not everyone wants or has to tell the truth.

LittleRoundRobin · 21/12/2021 23:39

@Jennifer2r

Doesn't bother me. I think it's a cracking excuse actually. I know loads of people who have used it as an excuse to get out of stuff they don't want to do. Can't see it's any worse than making any other excuse. (Flu/tummy bug/kids poorly/mom or nan or hubby ill/hospital appointment/dog ill.) So what?

As @Emerald5hamrock said

"Some family relationships are toxic, people have always used illness as an excuse to avoid meeting up."

Same as I said. So what if people use illness as an excuse?! Many people have to, as some people won't take NO for an answer. NO-ONE can insist on coming around, or having you come to them if you have COVID!

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