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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change a family Christmas get together from in laws house to mine without asking husband’s permission?

39 replies

BristolRabbit · 19/12/2021 21:21

First time post so please excuse any errors etc..
I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.
My in laws were hosting a Christmas lunch after Christmas as we weren’t going to see them on Christmas Day. We were due to be away on holiday. They offered to invite my parents so we could celebrate on one day. The holiday got cancelled due to covid travel restrictions so now we’re seeing my in laws on Christmas Day at another family members… I felt bad that they would still be hosting another lunch just for my parents so told my husband I was going to speak to his mum about it… I called them today and suggested I host the second lunch at my house. My mother in law jumped at the offer so I think clearly didn’t want to host.
I’ve just told my husband the new plan and he has flipped out… shouting and saying I should have asked him first. And that I always do what I want to do and never consult him. He was apoplectic- the kids were crying, it was a total over reaction…
Now I don’t know what to do… he has history of not talking for days after events like this… I genuinely don’t think I did anything so bad… just a change of venue… I do all the cooking etc anyway…
Christmas is well and truly ruined now :(
What would you do?

OP posts:
M0rT · 19/12/2021 21:23

Do your best to ignore him while you figure out why you are still married to someone who behaves like this and how to go about leaving him?

bonfireheart · 19/12/2021 21:24

But you did tell him before speaking to his mum.

LethargicActress · 19/12/2021 21:25

You should have talked to him first, but he massively overreacted and it sounds like he behaved horribly.

JennyForeigner · 19/12/2021 21:26

WWYD?

Divorce him.

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2021 21:26

He’s a twat.

You did tell him you were going to consult his mother.

She agreed it would be great if you hosted.

So he’s an utter twat.

Perhaps he’d like to fuck off?

SD1978 · 19/12/2021 21:27

Whilst it's a pretty big decision to make, and I do feel you should have discussed it with him first, he has massively overreacted.

HippeePrincess · 19/12/2021 21:30

This is not a big decision! He is being pathetic!

Ionlydomassiveones · 19/12/2021 21:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2021 21:31

@SD1978

Whilst it's a pretty big decision to make, and I do feel you should have discussed it with him first, he has massively overreacted.
Why is it a big decision? Genuinely?
WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:35

Are you married to Mariah Carey?

If he does none of the cooking anyway, he can suck it up.

IgneousRock · 19/12/2021 21:35

He's a bully OP. Shouting at you, making the kids cry, not talking to you for days. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

GinAndTopic · 19/12/2021 21:36

Disgusting for him to behave like that in front of the children and make them cry. What on earth is his problem with it anyway, if he had any family feeling he would be happy that his Mum was spared the worry and grateful to you? Asshole. Usually women in the family arrange these things so I don't even think you need to have discussed it with him unless he does the shopping cooking cleaning buying presents..?

SD1978 · 19/12/2021 21:36

@NoSquirrels - there's a big difference to going somewhere for lunch, versus having people in your house, even family, for lunch. There's much more to do- cooking, cleaning planning, when you're hosting, than juts sticking on some clothes and heading out to someone else's house.

greenlynx · 19/12/2021 21:36

Did he explain why he’s against it?

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 19/12/2021 21:37

BU is irrelevant, his reaction is totally OTT.

Namenic · 19/12/2021 21:38

Um - sounds sensible… what’s his problem? Is he a control freak or something? Or v anxious?

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2021 21:39

[quote SD1978]@NoSquirrels - there's a big difference to going somewhere for lunch, versus having people in your house, even family, for lunch. There's much more to do- cooking, cleaning planning, when you're hosting, than juts sticking on some clothes and heading out to someone else's house. [/quote]
Yes.

But OP says he does no catering. That she’s be catering whatever the venue.

And it’s to host her parents and they’ll have been out being hosted elsewhere over Christmas.

I’d lay a bet he’s not the one who’s going to be polishing the silverware…

TinselTroels · 19/12/2021 21:44

Unless you changed it to your house and you expect him to all the prep, cleaning and cooking? Then he's being an arse. His mother jumped at the chance she didn't want to do it.

Original poster
BristolRabbit · 19/12/2021 21:44

I honestly don’t see it as a big decision… hence my surprise at his incredible (over) reaction… he knew we were seeing my parents… what does it matter where it happens??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:45

[quote SD1978]@NoSquirrels - there's a big difference to going somewhere for lunch, versus having people in your house, even family, for lunch. There's much more to do- cooking, cleaning planning, when you're hosting, than juts sticking on some clothes and heading out to someone else's house. [/quote]
Did you miss the bit where the OP says I do all the cooking etc anyway?

GinAndTopic · 19/12/2021 21:46

Agree, not a big decision within marriage and family arrangements

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:46

He's basically thrown a tantrum because he's being fed by a different woman to the woman he thought would be feeding him 🙄

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2021 21:47

@BristolRabbit

I honestly don’t see it as a big decision… hence my surprise at his incredible (over) reaction… he knew we were seeing my parents… what does it matter where it happens??
It’s not a big decision.

Unless he’s going to have extra work to do - are you expecting him to clean/host/etc?

Which - to be crystal clear - he should be fucking happy to do with joy in his heart to save his mum doing the work of hosting.

PartyPrawnRingGames · 19/12/2021 21:50

LTB he sounds like a crazy arse.

DPotter · 19/12/2021 21:50

WorraLiberty
He's basically thrown a tantrum because he's being fed by a different woman to the woman he thought would be feeding him 🙄

Not even that - OP says she would be cooking whichever house they were eating at.

Total over-action. Only you can decide whether you and your children can continue to live this way

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