To change a family Christmas get together from in laws house to mine without asking husband’s permission?

[BristolRabbit]

First time post so please excuse any errors etc..
I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.
My in laws were hosting a Christmas lunch after Christmas as we weren’t going to see them on Christmas Day. We were due to be away on holiday. They offered to invite my parents so we could celebrate on one day. The holiday got cancelled due to covid travel restrictions so now we’re seeing my in laws on Christmas Day at another family members… I felt bad that they would still be hosting another lunch just for my parents so told my husband I was going to speak to his mum about it… I called them today and suggested I host the second lunch at my house. My mother in law jumped at the offer so I think clearly didn’t want to host.
I’ve just told my husband the new plan and he has flipped out… shouting and saying I should have asked him first. And that I always do what I want to do and never consult him. He was apoplectic- the kids were crying, it was a total over reaction…
Now I don’t know what to do… he has history of not talking for days after events like this… I genuinely don’t think I did anything so bad… just a change of venue… I do all the cooking etc anyway…
Christmas is well and truly ruined now :(
What would you do?

He is an arse, and no its not a big decision to decide you're going to invite your parents and parents in law to your house for a meal, I would tell mt dh that's what I was going to do, but as a grown adult who was doing the cooking and prep anyway, I wouldn't be asking permission.
I would not stand for this awful behaviour, i hope you manage to leave him soon

He's a twat for acting like he did when it was nothing to get worked up about in the first place

Thanks for all your replies, many aligned with my view that he’s being a dick! But a few saying I should have consulted him..
He has just come upstairs and apologised profusely for overreacting- and shouting in front of the kids… apparently he gets fed up when I make changes all the time and never involve him… I guess he is a bit of a control freak and I’m a bit independent (and possibly don’t think enough about how he’ll feel about something)… Anyhoo we’ll try to keep the peace so Christmas isn’t a complete disaster…

If this is a big decision a wife can’t unilaterally make then I’m shocked. It wouldn’t cross my mind to ask DH’s permission, especially when OP does all the cooking. I’d be seriously questioning the state of my marriage if DH reacted in this way to something so trivial.

He's a man child that has had a tantrum because you made a grown up decision without him. He sounds a complete a-hole. Don't feed him on Christmas day!

[quote SD1978]@NoSquirrels - there's a big difference to going somewhere for lunch, versus having people in your house, even family, for lunch. There's much more to do- cooking, cleaning planning, when you're hosting, than juts sticking on some clothes and heading out to someone else's house. [/quote]
No problem for him he doesn't do any of it

What? But you told him you were going to speak to his mum about it

It’s obvious that now plans have changed that his parents wouldn’t / shouldn’t feel obliged to host a ‘delayed Christmas’ now that you are having actual Christmas with them.

Has he listened properly? Does he think you have moved Christmas Day to your house?

Can his Mum talk calmly to him and tell him it makes sense?

But even so, that doesn’t excuse him treating you like that snd frightening the children.

I'd be asking Santa for a new husband. What a baby.

And this is why I stay single, what an arse he is

I hope you’ve torn him a new one (out of earshot of the DC) that reacting like that was absolutely unacceptable behaviour and you won’t tolerate it.

Both of you are unreasonable. You absolutely should have talked to him first and he is massively overreacting

He's massively overreacting, but tbh if my DH did what you did I'd be seriously unimpressed (I wouldn't lose my shit though!). There is a world of difference between hosting people in your home and going to another venue, even if you're the one doing the cooking.

@BristolRabbit

Thanks for all your replies, many aligned with my view that he’s being a dick! But a few saying I should have consulted him.. He has just come upstairs and apologised profusely for overreacting- and shouting in front of the kids… apparently he gets fed up when I make changes all the time and never involve him… I guess he is a bit of a control freak and I’m a bit independent (and possibly don’t think enough about how he’ll feel about something)… Anyhoo we’ll try to keep the peace so Christmas isn’t a complete disaster…

But you did consult him. You told him you will be speaking to his mother about it. He had his chance then to say his thoughts on the matter. If he really didn’t want to host then surely he could have said then ?