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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to wear something smart occasionally?

41 replies

Ditchthehoodie · 19/12/2021 10:42

This is fairly light hearted but I would like to know if I’m being unreasonable.

At the start of lockdown, DH bought a zip up hoodie from Asda. He loved it and so bought another. Since then I’m not exaggerating, he’s barely worn anything else. Sometimes t shirts in the summer but mostly it’s been grey hoodie then black hoodie.

My issue is he looks so scruffy. He doesn’t wear a top under it so you can see his hairy chest and they are a bit too big and shapeless.

He’s been WFH so doesn’t need to look smart for work.

However there’s been a few times lately where we’ve been going somewhere nice - not ball gown nice but just things like kids parties where I know photos will be taken and be just wears the hoodie. All my social media photos with him on have him wearing the same outfit!

AIBU to want him to get bloody changed?!

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 19/12/2021 10:46

However there’s been a few times lately where we’ve been going somewhere nice - not ball gown nice but just things like kids parties where I know photos will be taken and be just wears the hoodie. All my social media photos with him on have him wearing the same outfit!

YANBU!

Blahdyblahbla · 19/12/2021 10:47

Yanbu, its a bit weird to wear a zip up Hoddesdon without a tshirt isn't it, wouldn't it then need to be washed after each wear?
My DP used to he very fond of wearing those slinky sports tops everywhere, in the end I asked if he'd mind sometimes wearing something else, he was happy to, and never wears the slinky now.

Whaleandsnail6 · 19/12/2021 11:15

The hoodie wouldn't bother me. The lack of top/t-shirt under it would.

CharSiu · 19/12/2021 11:20

I have the opposite DH is always very formal and wears a proper shirt every day. He only wears a t.shirt if it is exceptionally hot. The hoodie is ok but nothing underneath is really weird. Is he especially proud of his hairy chest?

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/12/2021 11:21

If your main concern is how he appears on social media, YABVU.

Tal45 · 19/12/2021 11:22

I'm all about comfort (spend most of my life in my dressing gown!) but why would anyone dress up for a kids party?? If you want him to wear something nicer why don't you arrange for him to go out for dinner and ask him if he'll wear something from his wardrobe that you really like him in. Also why don't you just ask him why he doesn't wear a tshirt under his hoodie? Tell him if he does he'll be able to wear it for longer before it needs washing.

Bagelsandbrie · 19/12/2021 11:23

Him not wearing a T shirt under it would drive me mad.

Sillawithans · 19/12/2021 11:26

He can wear what he wants.

ShinyHappyPoster · 19/12/2021 11:26

YANBU - my DH is the same but with jogging trousers (rather than a hoodie). I don't think it is just about comfort. I'm not walking about in my pyjamas all the time. There's something about respect for the people you're with, I think.

Sirzy · 19/12/2021 11:28

Why does he need to dress up for either a kids party or your social media pleasure?

namechange30455 · 19/12/2021 11:29

I thought ywbu until I read that he doesn't wear a top underneath. That's just weird.

Original poster
Ditchthehoodie · 19/12/2021 11:46

I don’t think he needs to dress up for a kids party - I didn’t myself, but there’s a sort of difference between not dressing up and looking reasonably smart, or at least not scruffy. I know I haven’t explained that well!

The only reason I mentioned social media is I was looking back through photos and I don’t think I have any where DH isn’t wearing one of his two hoodies Grin

It’s quite funny and it doesn’t massively bother me but it would be nice to have some decent family pics!

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 19/12/2021 11:53

YANBU! definitely talk to him. A lot of people are all about comfort and convenience with clothes and need to be told sometimes to mix it up a bit! He might not realise its a bit odd to keep wearing the same stuff til you mention it. It's SO weird not to wear stuff underneath the hoodie though. If it's a massive change for him to become to scruffy it's worth checking in with him about his mental health too as personal care can sometimes be one of the first things that slips when someone is feeling low.

speakout · 19/12/2021 11:57

I wouln't give a toss about the hoodie thing- but the lack of t shirt would annoy me. Clothes worn next to smelly parts of the body like pants, socks, t shirts need to be changed daily.
Wearing a t shirt under a hoodie means you can wear the same hoodie several times, as the t shirt absorbs underarm sweat.
Hoodies are heavy things to whash and dry- is he or you washing a goodie every day?

Original poster
Ditchthehoodie · 19/12/2021 11:58

It’s definitely not a massive change and I’d be more worried if he suddenly started looking smart!

He knows it’s weird as his mates tease him!

OP posts:
IAmMeThisIsI · 19/12/2021 12:02

The hoodie is fine. I mean he can wear what he wants and the pictures wouldn't bother me too much. But I won't lie. The lack of a top underneath with the chest on display would make me cringe.

speakout · 19/12/2021 12:03

Does he smell OP? Or does he wear a fresh hoodie every day?

steff13 · 19/12/2021 12:03

@Whaleandsnail6

The hoodie wouldn't bother me. The lack of top/t-shirt under it would.
Yeah, that's weird. A hoodie is a layer, not a shirt all on its own.
Original poster
Ditchthehoodie · 19/12/2021 12:07

He doesn’t smell, I’d have a word with him if he did.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 19/12/2021 12:10

I would talk to him - keep it positive -just say he’s a good looking guy, and it would he nice to see him wearing a decent mix of event appropriate clothes.

And then find the money to buy a couple of better quality hoodies that will last and hold their shape, and a stack of tee shirts. In a later conv you can point out hoodies need t shirts

As a PP pointed out, people can dress how they want, but there is such a thing as looking decently nice for the people you share your life with - there can be a compromise, and hoodies don’t have to be hideous.

But actually if he stopped and looked at himself he’d probably be a bit horrified,

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2021 12:11

He needs to wear a t shirt underneath and also wash it frequently- otherwise it’s minging

He could also consider having more than one in a similar style!

Original poster
Ditchthehoodie · 19/12/2021 12:12

Definitely - I don’t have an objection to the hoodies per se just the lack of variation and the scruffiness of these particular ones!

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 19/12/2021 12:14

If he's going to kids parties with mint shirt and his chest peeping out from his hoodie zip in mid winter YANBU OP. He can eat the hoodie all he wants but if he embarrassed by the bare chest in such a setting if it was my husband

FissionMailed · 19/12/2021 12:19

I don't believe you have any rights to what he wears to cover his body just as I don't believe he has any right to what you choose to cover yours.

But... If the relationship is one where he suggests what you wear and you're happy to oblige, then maybe you could suggest what he wears...

And also.. all that said.. not wearing a t-shirt with a hoodie is weird and a bit gross, he'll be stinking the pits of the hoody with his moistness. Yuk.

Justgivemeamoment · 19/12/2021 12:20

No you are not BU at all. My husband's got a few grey hoodies - he does wear a t-shirt under it though and doesn't have a hairy chest but it's always one of them. All baggy, misshapen, stained, doesn't care