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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Play dates

69 replies

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 10:38

Inspired by comments in a current thread and sometimes threads posted by parents. I wonder, do people really leave their child at someone's house for play dates?

This may seem like a silly question but I never knew this was a thing until I joined MN. I have quite a big family, around 9 aunties and uncles and 6 of them have multiple kids. So I only ever spent time with my cousins and never went on play dates, this is the same for my little sister who's 9 years younger than me. I never celebrated birthdays so never went to a friend's house from school for a birthday party (however I can understand dropping your child off at a party and leaving them for some hours).

As I got older I always assumed play dates would mean two parents over at someone's house so the kids have time to play with each other and so on. Since being on MN it seems as if some people will drop their child off and the kids will be supervised by the parent/parents of who's house it is and they may take the kids out etc. I now have a DD who is 7 months and pregnant with our second so I just wondered what other people did?

OP posts:

BrilliantBetty · 19/12/2021 16:00

Normal. And was normal when I was a kid, i'm now in my 30s.
And for my mum as a kid too.

It is quite sad you only spent time with family and didn't get to experience what other families did and their homes & ways. I learnt a lot by spending time with others in their home environment. And had close friendships that were furthered by going to their house after school or at the weekend and getting to know their siblings, parents etc. I count my primary & secondary school best friend's mum as one of the most important people in my life and see and speak to her often even now.

Original poster

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 16:01

@shouldistop

Ok, don't then

you're the one that started the thread. By the time your kids are 9 they might feel a bit resentful about being the only kids in school not allowed round to their friends houses.

You're right, they might. But there's loads of things they won't be doing that other kids do and I'm sure they'll be fine

OP posts:

Original poster

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 16:05

@BrilliantBetty

Normal. And was normal when I was a kid, i'm now in my 30s. And for my mum as a kid too.

@BrilliantBetty I don't think it's sad at all. I spent time with family, neighbours who had kids the same age and my mum's friends kids who were the same age. I just didn't go to school with most of them, really not the end of the world. I've been best friends with the same person since year3 and her mum is a second mum to me. First time I went to their house I was 16🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

shouldistop · 19/12/2021 16:11

God, the superiority from a mum of one 7mo is actually hilarious.
Your op was all faux naivety wondering if people really left their kids at other people's houses but really it's just a display of your superior parenting
I wonder if you'll feel differently in a few years.

Hankunamatata · 19/12/2021 16:14

Growing up in primary I didn't really go to friends houses that I can remember. From first year of secondary I roamed around out local town and hung out in all my friends houses and visa versa.

If your primary kids want to have play dates (mine are not a fan as mild sen). You can suggest park etc and get to know the parents first.

mishmased · 19/12/2021 16:32

@chinabumps85 you get to know the parents as time goes on and you probably gravitate towards those with similar values as yourself. I knew older kids friends parents for at least 3 years. I'm currently on May leave and everyday collection time is 'when can we have a play date'.

mishmased · 19/12/2021 16:33

*mat

explodingeyes · 19/12/2021 16:44

OP you said you wondered what people did / was normal. People now told you. Now you just seem to be adamant you'll not listen anyway.

Kite22 · 19/12/2021 16:46

Really interesting to know this is what people tend to do these days though

What do you mean "these days" ??
My dc are adults now, and I can tell you I have never gone and sat at the house when any of my dc have gone round to play with a friend, and I have never had a parent come and sit in my house either.
Nor did my parents when I was growing up in the 6-s 70s.

It is only since joining MN that I have discovered that some parents actually 'go round to play' at someone else's house.
To my mind, my dc had friends round so they were entertaining each other I I could get on with my own stuff for a while. I generally presumed the same from any parent who ever wanted to borrow one of mine.

I am astounded at the paranoia on this thread and on the other thread about lift shares that is currently running. I do wonder how people get through life sometimes.

Original poster

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 16:58

@shouldistop

God, the superiority from a mum of one 7mo is actually hilarious. Your op was all faux naivety wondering if people really left their kids at other people's houses but really it's just a display of your superior parenting

I wonder if you'll feel differently in a few years.

How the hell is it superiority???

I'll raise my kids differently to other people and other people will definitely raise their kids differently to me. Neither is superior because they decide to do things differently
I wondered what other people did because I only knew this was a thing since joing MN. I can ask what other people do and still decide I won't do it myself. Not sure why you're so touchy but in no way do I think of myself as superior. That's a huge reach

OP posts:

explodingeyes · 19/12/2021 16:59

I'm the same @Kite22 We all borrow each other's kids so ours are entertained and we can get stuff done

arethereanyleftatall · 19/12/2021 17:02

It isn't fair on children to stop them doing perfectly normal, enjoyable things because of your own anxiety.

You asked if it was normal. You've been told it is. .

Original poster

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 17:02

@Hankunamatata

Growing up in primary I didn't really go to friends houses that I can remember. From first year of secondary I roamed around out local town and hung out in all my friends houses and visa versa.

If your primary kids want to have play dates (mine are not a fan as mild sen). You can suggest park etc and get to know the parents first.

Yeah that definitely makes sense. I think getting to know the parents first makes a lot of sense and can see how play dates then happen that way.

@mishmased I can also see how this comment makes sense too! In my mind it makes sense once you've gotten to know the parents

OP posts:

Original poster

chinabumps85 · 19/12/2021 17:04

@explodingeyes

OP you said you wondered what people did / was normal. People now told you. Now you just seem to be adamant you'll not listen anyway.

Where am I not listening?? Just because I wouldn't do it myself doesn't mean I'm not listening😂 people have said it's normal so clearly it's normal🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Thirtytimesround · 19/12/2021 17:16

Yes, completely normal. It’s lovely that you had siblings, and nearby cousins, but many of us didn’t. Dd is an only child (not through choice) and playdates are our lifeline! Here’s what everyone I know does…

Age 1-2: the parents are always there as well and the children argue as often as play. It’s more about mum chat while the babies crawl around.

Age 3-5: the parents are usually there as well but if they know the other family extremely well they may eg pop off to the shops.

Age 6 onwards: the children play together nicely and don’t need adult involvement unless there’s an argument which by this age should be rare between close friends. So the host supervisors and the other parnt heads off and sees the playdate as free childcare. The host parent usually feeds the kids too. It is polite to alternate who hosts these, although some parents are rather rude and never offer to host.

If you don’t need playdates… Please remember to spare a thought for the only children and invite them to play…

Dora33 · 19/12/2021 20:44

My children really enjoyed & looked forward to going to a school friend's house after school. Might just have been for 1 hour but they were excited all the same.
We were lucky that there was other similar aged children on our road so mine got to play out with friends on the road or do play dates.
When I was younger, I did go to friends houses / Gardens to play. It just would never have been called play dates.
Some children in my children's classes weren't allowed have or maybe go to playdates. This did over time effect children's friendship groups. To be honest I wouldn't be impressed if mine were allowed go to some children's houses but the same children couldn't go to mine.
Once children start school, I wouldn't expect or maybe have time for their parent to stay but would always welcome them in for a coffee at collection time.

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 19/12/2021 20:52

I was born in the 80s and remember having loads of playdates where I'd go to friends houses for the day. I was in primary school. So it totally was a thing and still is

Comingup · 19/12/2021 22:37

What about the long holidays etc? Would you not worry all the kids friends will bond together without yours?
Maybe I'm a permissive parent, but my kids constantly went to other houses, and I have lost count of the kids who came to ours .. some parents I knew, some I didn't. It was the same when I went to school too. Definitely normal whether they were part of big families or not they all want to chose their own peer group, not necessarily have them chosen for them because they are family.

Createausernametoday · 11/03/2023 18:24

Absolutely not have unsupervised play dates until DCs are at least 32

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