How to cope with family policies over Christmas

[houserenohelp]

Hey everyone

I guess I am just posting for a chat but also reassurance it's not just me!!

I am at parents with DH and my sister so far only 2 days in and I want to die. She just takes over the place rules the kitchen as she's a 'foodie' and does all the cooking except when she doesn't want to. Complained my dh gave her constipation because we had macaroni cheese and no vegetables! Note she didn't want to cook that night and I was unwell. Dh hardly ever cooks so I was just grateful he did! My opinion is if she wanted veg she should have said on done herself some on the side. She's between jobs so no other distractions.

Jsut wanted to know how others cope. We are so different I just feel like when my siblings are here I have to step back and keep out the way abit where as usually if it's just me and my parents I am involved a lot. I do most of the 'parental' care of my parents.

My besties family all get on like a house on fire but I know it's not that for everyone.

My besties family all get on like a house on fire but I know it's not that for everyone.

Never assume that, everyone has a weird family IME.

Honestly my advice: deep breaths; long walks; separate meals.

Are you all there for another week?!

shorter exposure?
two days in, so you arrived on 17th - a whole week before Christmas - how long are you staying for?

go to Boots - whenever you cook for DS, chuck some senna tablets in her portion.
On the other hand, a pain in her bum gives her the opportunity for some reflection on how she is for everyone else,

I do think it's a bit crappy that your H cooked but didn't do any vegetables or salad - that's not 'bring a foodie', it's just basic catering.

He shouldn't have a free pass because 'he never cooks'. He needs to learn.

You must live locally if you are your parents carers? I'd pop home for a bit.

TBH every meal needs some veggies or salad

Time apart
Mental bingo card if annoying things they do - see if you can fill it
Avoid contentious subjects
Gin - but not so much that you let loose

zarene honestly, do you never have the occasional quick meal that just doesn't include veg or a salad? I frequently do and never get constipation.

Only on Mumsnet do people seem to have nutritionally correct, cooked from scratch meals three times a day .

Grateful to your husband for cooking the most basic of dishes when he usually gets waited on by you, and this week is being waited on by your sister? 🙄

I expect your sister was being a dick deliberately because she’s unimpressed by him.

If that were me though, I’d have said, “come off it sis, nobody gets constipation from a single meal without veg.”

Macaroni cheese without veg or salad doesn't sound very healthy, but if someone is kind enough to cook, the only correct response is "Thank you very much"

Agree would be good for your DH to learn to cook

I have a sister like this, sympathies.

Just call her out on it every time, for your own sanity.

It’s still nearly a week until Christmas- why are you all staying so long?

All families have funny dynamics. Why is your sister doing all the cooking? Can you suggest to her that you’ll do a meal or two? The macaroni cheese doesn’t sound great but equally most people don’t have such delicate digestion that one meal without veg affects them so badly.

I hate when there’s no vegetables or salad with stodgy food. And I wouldn’t be grateful for someone cooking one (incomplete nutritionally and taste-wise) meal if I did most of the cooking, even if they did have a penis. But I think pp is right that you’re maybe just there for too long - did you arrive two days ago for Christmas itself?

I can’t believe people are fixated on how healthy or not mac n cheese is. It’s irrelevant.

No one has told the sister to cook.

@husbandcallsmepickle

TBH every meal needs some veggies or salad

Do you have veggies with your toast and bowl of cereal in the morning then?

🤣

Why are you there already if visiting for Christmas? Such a long visit sounds like guaranteed way to get on everyone’s nerves and if you provide care for your parents aren’t you close enough to pop home for a bit? Being grateful your DH cooked a basic dish is a bit pathetic tbh, especially as you don’t sound that grateful towards your sister who normally cooks for all of you. Personally I would expect some veg or salad because otherwise it’s just stodge, but no one gets constipation from a single meal. I imagine she’s pissed off at you and DH for something else and that’s why she’s said it- maybe she feels her cooking is unappreciated especially if you praised his meagre efforts. Regardless, shorter visits are definitely the way to go.

The posters berating one meal without salad or veg that have totally missed the point. Anything related to food on mumsnet brings out the food police. What an awful way to live your life!

Dh is cooking more we have actually been here 3 months caring for parents due to mum being unwell. We live a very long way away so that's why we are here so long

My DH had bad MH so that's why I do most of the cooking and I am ok with that but he has been doing a lot more recently. Also he's not a veg person and I would find veg strange with pasta, we are not the most healthy tbh but it's the moaning when someone prepared a meal that's annoying

The key to success if don't stay over and if an adult doesn't want to cook, they know where the takeaway is.

It's more about a sis coming in taking over the whole place with her domineering very posh attitudes and not accepting us as we are!
Anyways carrying on slaying my dh and adoring my sister for wanting to cook!

@Squeezita

No one has told the sister to cook.

They haven’t told her to, but they’ve decided to sit back and benefit from the spoils of the sister’s decision to mainly do so, though.

I don’t think that the sister’s choices should be mirrored by the relief chef - if she’s choosing to make elaborate meals, that’s on her, basic is fine. But I think if you’re accepting someone doing “full” meals for you, then it’s a bit pathetic for a grown man to be incapable* of more than macaroni cheese on the occasional night he steps in.

*I’m going with incapable based on OP’s rather wet “gratitude”.

In my own family politics, I know exactly what the complaint about the meal would be aimed at. My sister’s husband who we all think is fucking lazy and takes the piss with his weaponised incompetence.

Does she wash up after cooking OP? Does she actually help your parents?

How long is she staying?

They haven’t told her to, but they’ve decided to sit back and benefit from the spoils of the sister’s decision to mainly do so, though.

@Cocomarine did you miss the first post which is quite clear that OP does most of the care for her parents?

So it’s the sister and other siblings who are benefitting from OP’s sacrifice.

@houserenohelp

It's more about a sis coming in taking over the whole place with her domineering very posh attitudes and not accepting us as we are! Anyways carrying on slaying my dh and adoring my sister for wanting to cook!

So call her up on it when she’s rude. Like I said in my first post, if she says no veg made her constipated, tell her that sounds like nonsense.

It’s hard to say if she’s actually “wrong” - her “posh” attitude might simply be things like thinking an evening meal should have vegetables with it. I’m totally with the posters who think the world doesn’t stop if you don’t have veggies with every meal. But I don’t think it’s “posh” to think they generally should.

But whatever she does, my advice is the same: call her on it.