How to cope with family policies over Christmas

[houserenohelp]

Hey everyone

I guess I am just posting for a chat but also reassurance it's not just me!!

I am at parents with DH and my sister so far only 2 days in and I want to die. She just takes over the place rules the kitchen as she's a 'foodie' and does all the cooking except when she doesn't want to. Complained my dh gave her constipation because we had macaroni cheese and no vegetables! Note she didn't want to cook that night and I was unwell. Dh hardly ever cooks so I was just grateful he did! My opinion is if she wanted veg she should have said on done herself some on the side. She's between jobs so no other distractions.

Jsut wanted to know how others cope. We are so different I just feel like when my siblings are here I have to step back and keep out the way abit where as usually if it's just me and my parents I am involved a lot. I do most of the 'parental' care of my parents.

My besties family all get on like a house on fire but I know it's not that for everyone.

Not true that we are sitting back and just letting her cook. Wow you all jump to conclusion

My sis wants to cook and takes over the kitchen even if someone wanted to we would have to ask! She's offered as not working as enjoys it so no we are not just sitting waiting for her to feed us

@Squeezita

They haven’t told her to, but they’ve decided to sit back and benefit from the spoils of the sister’s decision to mainly do so, though.

@Cocomarine did you miss the first post which is quite clear that OP does most of the care for her parents?

So it’s the sister and other siblings who are benefitting from OP’s sacrifice.

I saw that. It doesn’t change my view that you can’t simultaneously eat the food your sister cooks and complain about her cooking it. Maybe it’s the sister’s way of giving back a tiny bit? It’s certainly not equal to moving in to care for the parents, but it’s doing a small nice thing to step in on the cooking when she is there. What’s the alternative AIBU? “My sister has arrived and just expects me to cook for her too”?

There are accusations of the sister being a “foodie” and “posh” (because she likes food, possibly?)

I expect neither sister has done anything wrong - they just don’t get on.

My sister thinks I’m posh because I put a mix of veggies in a serving dish with a big spoon. We did not grow up with such grandeur (low once meant food was carefully portioned to plates) and honestly, 40 years later it still makes me feel a little posh for doing it!

Yes she only moaned when hubby wasn't there and I said just be pleased he cooked as we were and it was tasty etc. nothing had been planned so he cooked something quick it it was oh can you please cook this etc he would have.
Posh isn't wanting veg with meals he posh is posh not just in food but she does also like unusual food and is never happy with others suggestions like when dad offers to cook she never wants it. She's just quite a dominant character and likes to push her thoughts onto people.
Oh well will count down the days til home time.
I do worry about leaving my parents tho.

*low income

Op don’t worry about the mac and cheese comments
Lots of people on mumsnet are orthorexic and/or have funny ideas about food, I think secretly they binge maccies in their cars and dispose of the evidence

@Blueeyedgirl21

Op don’t worry about the mac and cheese comments Lots of people on mumsnet are orthorexic and/or have funny ideas about food, I think secretly they binge maccies in their cars and dispose of the evidence

@houserenohelp

Not true that we are sitting back and just letting her cook. Wow you all jump to conclusion

My sis wants to cook and takes over the kitchen even if someone wanted to we would have to ask! She's offered as not working as enjoys it so no we are not just sitting waiting for her to feed us

No, you don’t have to ask. You’re allowing her to keep this role of “dominant”. She has offered, and you have said yes. You can say, “no thanks”. You asked about family politics… you suck ‘em up, or you challenge them. You say, “hey sis, are you planning on cooking tonight? Husband is going to do a chilli, if you’d like some. Oh you’re planing a curry? Sounds lovely, but we’ll stick to the chilli thanks.”

So now I'm wondering why she's arrived so early?

Anyway macaroni cheese is a perfectly acceptable meal when you have to cook at short notice. It's fine as apart of a planned meal too actually.

@Cocomarine

I saw that. It doesn’t change my view that you can’t simultaneously eat the food your sister cooks and complain about her cooking it.

Well when the sister complains about the lack of veg, then it’s reasonable for OP to be annoyed at her taking over the kitchen.

[quote Squeezita]@Cocomarine

I saw that. It doesn’t change my view that you can’t simultaneously eat the food your sister cooks and complain about her cooking it.

Well when the sister complains about the lack of veg, then it’s reasonable for OP to be annoyed at her taking over the kitchen.[/quote]
Absolutely!
They’re sisters… of course they’re going to take to MN about each other 🤣
I’ve got 4 sisters 🙈 and I daresay we’re all on here unbeknownst to each other!

OP asked for advice. My advice is - speak up. Or, just come hear to let off steam, but she did ask how to handle the politics.

Now that’s an unreasonable accusation. I would NEVER do that. I leave the McDonald’s wrappers in the car for the rest of eternity like everyone else.

@Cocomarine i have a few sisters too, and recognise one of them in OP’s sis. She takes over and has to be the centre of attention and leaves the cleaning to everyone else.

If you see my first response to OP, my advice was the same:

Just call her out on it every time, for your own sanity.

Thanks to those who have made me chuckle

As it's not my house i can't tell sis not to do things. But equally i do she constantly remind her it's parents house as she dislikes a lot of their choices.

She's just been away and is moving early Jan hence sees this place more as her own.

Anyways as advices I will speak up when I have the balls or just keep out the way