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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family refusing to do LFTs

26 replies

APlot · 19/12/2021 08:09

All my friends, their families are doing LFTs before they get together at Christmas. I always do a LFT before I visit my parents. We have a family get together next week for Christmas - 10 of us - and my DH and I are the only ones who will do LFTs. Everyone else is just really dismissive and don't want to do them.

I'm not particularly worried about covid as I'm fit and healthy, but I still think it's the responsible thing to do. AIBU to do LFTs before a family get together (where my vulnerable parents will be)?

OP posts:
Squeezita · 19/12/2021 08:11

Who is hosting?

Original poster
APlot · 19/12/2021 08:12

@Squeezita

Who is hosting?
My parents
OP posts:
EverdeRose · 19/12/2021 08:12

You do you, let them do them.

I work in elderly care, you wouldn't believe how many elderly vulnerable patients are of thd mindset that they're oh bonus time and would rather spend that time with who they love, if they meet their maker sooner, so be it.

Original poster
APlot · 19/12/2021 08:15

Hit post too soon. My parents are hosting, and they don't care if anyone does LFTs and won't be doing them themselves. They think it's unnecessary and don't want to do tests. My siblings all have the same viewpoint.

I think that's 10 people who could all catch covid, who are then going on to visit other families/friends.

OP posts:
Whatafustercluck · 19/12/2021 08:17

Have they had their booster op?

Original poster
APlot · 19/12/2021 08:17

@EverdeRose

You do you, let them do them.

I work in elderly care, you wouldn't believe how many elderly vulnerable patients are of thd mindset that they're oh bonus time and would rather spend that time with who they love, if they meet their maker sooner, so be it.

I definitely agree we should just be getting on with life now and that we shouldn't cancel plans and get together. I don't intend to bail or anything. This is just about whether people should do LFTs before they meet up.
OP posts:
Squeezita · 19/12/2021 08:17

I can see why you’re worried, my mum is 70 and is shielding.

But if your parents won’t ask everyone to do LFTs then there’s not much you can do it seems.

Have you talked to your parents?

StoneofDestiny · 19/12/2021 08:18

You have a choice not to go

Bubblty · 19/12/2021 08:19

Could you turn up with a box and make it into a weird party game?

GoodnightGrandma · 19/12/2021 08:22

Your parents need to insist, but if they won’t you have the choice not to go.

Username7521 · 19/12/2021 08:23

Your parents are hosting and it is their choice. Simple as that. If you’re not comfortable with that then don’t attend.

I think what covid has taught up peoples approach to risk is different. We all need to accept that and do our own risk assessment about what we’re comfortable with.

AppleKatie · 19/12/2021 08:26

Your parents are hosting and it is their choice. Simple as that. If you’re not comfortable with that then don’t attend.

I think what covid has taught up peoples approach to risk is different. We all need to accept that and do our own risk assessment about what we’re comfortable with.

This.

It is up to you whether or not you attend but you can’t dictate what others do.

IgneousRock · 19/12/2021 08:29

We're all taking a test before our Christmas family meet up, so I basically agree with you OP, but if your parents aren't worried and they're the vulnerable ones then I guess it's up to them.

Iggly · 19/12/2021 08:31

I can understand why you feel the way you do OP.

However people use LFTs as a comfort blanket and may well ignore covid symptoms on the basis that they have had a negative LFT, when LFTs are not that accurate.

Foolsrule · 19/12/2021 08:38

We do lateral flows before we meet elderly relatives. Lucky we did as one picked up asymptomatic DC, who had Covid confirmed via PCR. I’d rather do that than risk killing granny!

BunnyBlanket · 19/12/2021 08:39

We have the same issue with my husbands family. We are spending Christmas with my family this year including my elderly nan. We requested they do lft’s to see us and they kicked off so we said either do them or see us after Xmas, we aren’t risking her health because they can’t be bothered to stick a swab up their nose for 30 seconds.

Stuffin · 19/12/2021 08:45

They are hosting. They don't want to do them or insist on others doing them.

Therefore you make your own decision about attending or not. Adults get to make their own choice. Stop trying to push yours on others.

BringMeTea · 19/12/2021 08:50

Selfish fuckers everywhere sadly. I wouldn't go.

Original poster
APlot · 19/12/2021 10:39

Thanks everyone - it's really useful to get other viewpoints

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 19/12/2021 10:43

You do you. Just don’t try to impose your opinions on others. They don’t have to, they don’t want to, and they prefer to get together for Xmas regardless. If you are not happy - don’t go.

TinySaltLick · 19/12/2021 10:44

Completely reasonable request, to refuse to even do a test to know if they are carrying a virus which is exploding across the country is ethically indefensible, irrespective of vaccine mindset

Are they all a bit dim

GabriellaMontez · 19/12/2021 10:50

Of course you can do one. That's clearly your line of judging what is reasonable and 'responsible'.

Theirs is different.

Some people have cancelled family gatherings because they feel that is the minimum 'responsible' response to the situation. Perhaps they would consider you dim or irresponsible.? They aren't any more right than you.

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2021 10:54

If your parents themselves don’t care, that’s their prerogative.

It would be different if family members were being asked to test and saying they wouldn’t.

Your choice is really whether you go or not, knowing others aren’t as concerned as you.

ThePlantsitter · 19/12/2021 10:58

You can't say 'you do you and they do them' about a virus. It's contagious. That's the point. Opinion doesn't prevent it infecting someone else. You doing you could well be you doing them, in fact.

That's not a moral judgement because I presume I don't know any of you personally but it is categorically incorrect to think that your actions don't affect anyone else.

Beautiful3 · 19/12/2021 11:07

If it was your house then you could request they all do one. However its your parents who are hosting. You can ask, and do one yourself, but if the majority decline then its unenforceable. You can decline to attend, if you're feeling anxious. But apart from that, not much else really.